For St. Paddy's Day, Riverdance
What would St. Paddy's be without a little Irish humor?
Paddy was shaving one morning when he knocked the mirror off the shelf and it fell to the floor and cracked across the middle. Paddy gazed upon the mirror in horror. "Bejabbers! I've cut my throat!" he gasped.
Finnegan's wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning him. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said Finnegan.
Two farmers were driving their tractor down the middle of a country road. A car comes around the corner, brakes hard to avoid them , skids, tumbles twice, and lands in a field. Jimmy says to Eamonn, "It's just as well we got out of that field."
"Seamus, do you understand French?"
"I do if it's spoken in Irish."
Words Gone Wild held at the point of an Irish dagger by Twisted Linguistics:
just finished poofing my ms - He just made his manuscript disappear.
no charges fileed - Put the knife away. There will be no boning and eating of charges today.
audiance - A radiance that you can hear.
I seen a report - Yeah, I want to be this person's agent.
tenents of journalism - People who live in newspapers.
conotation - Simultaneous footnotes made by two people.
publisicty - Publicizing your bliss.
Kool-aide - A really hip helper.
vindicative - A short phrase indicative of "Came, Saw, Conquered."
Come on, you know you want to know the answer to the burning question of, "How will I die?"
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29 comments:
You will die at the age of 81
You will die in a freak accident with a banana
...do I slip or is it found somewhere embarressing?
How Will I Die Quiz
You will die at the age of 97
You will die by choking while trying to eat a live hamster
Guess I forgot the prune juice chaser. LOL
You people are weird. Hamsters and bananas? I just don't know about y'all.
To answer your question, Kan -- it depends. How are you coming along with finding another date?:)
Perhaps kanrei should take this advice: DON'T BEND OVER NEAR THE MONKEY CAGE! LOL
Roxan, you are a wicked, wicked girl. I might have known you'd find a way to work a monkey into the equation.:)
Monkeys are EVIL LOL
How are you coming along with finding another date?:)
I am on a "being turned down and stood up" vacation.
We have no monkey cages in Miami. We have one of those "natual surroundings" zoos. As if lions and monkeys usually hang out in a park with people throwing food at them. The monkeys here throw poo. I hear they are quite good at it too- can hit a screaming child from 50 paces.
Apparently I die at 51 in a ping pong accident. You guys all got funny ones,I got the 4th most common cause of death in the world. On the upside,who'd a thought I'd make to 51!
Kanrei--you're cracking me up. I have a friend who used to be the emergency admit nurse for the county hospital. She said anything you think is a joke about objects and orifices is not a joke to someone, somewhere, or the night nurse who admitted them.
How Will I Die Quiz
You will die at the age of 105
You will die in a nude hang gliding accident
Yippee.
o-and Serena Joy--I can't get Youtube to recognize New Blogger--it used to work fine on my old account, but now, no amount of tweaking will make it happy, and I can't find any trouble-shooting that addresses my problem.
Any ideas?
LLB,
On Youtube there are two ways to post a clip. One is a link and the other is to embed it on your page. I always take the second option. Just cut and paste the code like you are posting a comment and the video should appear.
I am planning on dying at the hands of a jealous husband.
BTW, I reposted that pic.
Hmmm. I don't know, Kan. I think being stood upside down and turned on might be more fun.:)
Be careful around the ping-pong equipment, MXI. Shoot, I'm always amazed I lived to 30. I consider every year thereafter gravy.
Littlebird, that would be a spectacular way to go, but ... don't do it. The chafing would be awful.
Speakings of objets d'orifice, I've heard some tales from ER docs. The weirdest one I heard of was a teapot. Who would do that? Why?!
Re YouTube, I never could get them to embed on old Blogger, whereas there's no problem on new. I use the "embed" code, as Kan mentioned.
That's an excellent way to go out, TFG, and I want the same -- except at the hands of a jealous wife. LOL.
Kanrei and SJ,
It is a testament to my computer ignorance that I have no idea what you mean.
Camille, pick your YouTube video. To the right of it, you'll see this:
URL
Embed
Copy the "Embed" code.
Open a new Blogger post form. Make sure you're in html mode, not Compose mode, and copy in the code. Your video should appear in your post.
I've been out all day searching for a four leafed clover! Not really...I've been spending most of the day preparing for tonight's dinner party...now I'm about to shower and make myself presentable, or at least, try to! ;)
I just had to show you this:
"You will die at the age of 108
You will die trying to be the first person to mail yourself around the world"
I wonder if I'll gift-wrap myself!
Green humor, I like it.
"You will die at the age of 101
You will be killed by Rosanne Barr when she snaps on day in the street"
Glad to hear I'm going to live that long. I think this one might truly be prophetic because they misspelled "one" like I do and spelled it as "on."
Speakings of objets d'orifice, (were we?) my Dad was an OB/GYN and got a call from one of his patients one night to come to the ER. Her teenaged daughter had crammed a couple of golf balls up her wahoo. Dad always loved it when I used the correct anatomical term for the body so I make sure I do when I relay stories (sarcasm). Anyhoo, he wanders over to the ER in disgust, takes some forceps and grabs one of the slimey buggers and slings it in a metal pan. Of course, the golf ball bounces out, goes bounding out of the room and down the hall. The intern assisting pulls the little curtain aside and yells "FORE." The little girl with the golf ball tampons was holding up pretty well until then. The joking men cracked her and made her cry. Of course, me being the logical one I asked Dad why Ms. Teenage couldn't remove the golf balls herself. Dad declared, "OH, she tried, but it was a kin to putting a cue ball in your mouth." Dad saw the light bulb go on in my beady eyes. "Don't do it," he said. "We get those too in the ER. We have to break their jaw to get them out."
Oh, my God, Corn Dog! I am laughing so hard I think I actually did wet myself. Note to self: go to the bathroom before getting on the cyber highway. Why in God's name would anybody stick golf balls up their hoo-hah? I mean, where is the pleasure in that? And how'd she think she was going to get them back out? I can't even think about it; I'll start snorting again.
Lee, how'd the dinner party go?
Steve, I have to find more green humor for today, since this is actually P-Day.
Thanks SJ, I was just using the "Post to your Blog" function on the Youtube site (or whatever it was called).
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I hope that worked for you, Camille.
Happy St. Patrick's Day to you, Laurie.
Like the joke
...Drowned in a vat of beer, but fought bravely, climbing out three times to take a leak.
LMBO! That's a pretty good way to go, Mike.
Sorry. I had to delete the prior. So many typos I couldn't read my own writing.
You know I have no idea about those golf balls. Dad was so disgusted with the whole mess he didn't even care what Ms. Teenage was thinking when she did the deed or why or what she thought she was going to get out.
Another time I took a call from a semi-upset woman. Back then they'd bring in specimens from home. This wo-man had put her urine in a juice glass in the frig and was bringing it in the next day for testing to see if she was preggers. Her huband saw the "juice" in the juice glass and drank some of it. He stopped after a gulp or two and they called my Dad, the Ob/GYN, and asked what needed to be done then. Dad actually laughed into the phone that time. He told the woman not to store pee in a juice glass any more.
Ah, geez. LOL. You'd think he'd at least sniff whatever's in the glass before gulping it down.
I wonder if golf balls should come with warning labels and -- emergency strings? I'm still laughing my ass off over that one. I wonder if the girl moved on to something more reliable, like zucchinis or something?:)
You will die at the age of 86
You will die when your chair explodes very unexpectedly.
....Goddamn wind!
Right I,m not going to read any more of these comments. I keep having to go back and read stuff I,ve skipped.
Hello, Cathy. Oops, sounds like you accidentally sat in my tricked out Interrogation Chair. You're a long way from 86, though, so you're okay.:)
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