"Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps."

~From "Much Ado About Nothing," William Shakespeare



Some days I pray for silence,
Some days I pray for soul,
Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Rock 'N Roll.

I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that,
No, I won't do that.
~ From "I Would Do Anything For Love," Meat Loaf

Maybe I (or you) would, maybe not.

We do know that super-heated hormones in love or in lust, or something like it, can work some very weird voodoo. I mean, can we all say the name "Lisa Nowak?"
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Q. Is it better to write a love note on an empty stomach or a full stomach?
A. It's better to write it on paper.

A Valentine's dictionary lesson for women.


Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space -if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus...breathe...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
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Today's primer in Twisted Linguistics:

wrap sessions - Tutorials in using pretty papers and ribbons.

there shirts off - In that place, they wear no tops.

trampeled - Loose women on a rappelling expedition.

offewr suggestions - Discussions in Assassin School.

endevours - In the end, they all get eaten.

dontations - List of countries to stay out of.

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Over on the Faux Shakespeare stage, we hear:

Cleo to Tony: I hate your immoral lungings at me.

- Tony & Cleo (5.2)

Is your love style passionate or compassionate? Take the quiz and find out.

You Are 85% Passionate, 15% Compassionate

You are a truly passionate person, and for you, love is a drug. When you're in love, you lose all grip on reality. And it's a wild ride. Although falling in love is vivid experience for you, it's sometimes *too* intense.

Is Your Love Style Passionate or Compassionate?