Wednesday, February 21, 2007

My Secret Shame


I have a weird predilection, an obsessive compulsion, a burning desire: I am addicted to Words Gone Wild. Whereas I might spend five or ten minutes writing a post, I’ve been known to waste more than an hour chasing down runners from the lethal lexicon. Some days, I’m about a nanosecond away from calling myself the Queen of Renouns and ordering myself a crown. I suspect it might be great fun, practically orgasmic, to spend the day lying around eating bon-bons and conjugating verbs. Sometimes I think about going on tour with The Verbinator and smiting down Twisted Linguistics wherever they are found. I am a junk word junkie.

This is not normal. I do know that. It’s the addiction, that heated rush of spotting a ridiculously twisted word that makes you go all squishy inside. It’s the joy of getting to shout, “Holy shit, look at THAT!” It’s the thrill of the hunt, and the sublime satisfaction of bagging a bad-boy word and bragging, “Ha! I defined THAT!” Oh, yeah, that'll mellow you out. I’m telling you, it’s hard to get off the colorful Twisted stuff. It’s out there, and it’s everywhere. If one supplier doesn’t have it, another one will. I am ashamed that the vile vernacular has me so firmly in thrall. I am mortified to admit that I will browse any site to get it -- but possibly not ashamed enough to stop.

You may have already noticed that yes, we have no Twisted Linguistics today. I’m trying a day of Word Rehab, giving myself over to some intense PsychoAnalysis by completely unqualified non-professionals. I expect to do some primal yelling before they give me a nice pink sedative. It’s going to bend me, twist me, and hurt me like hell (especially if they try aversion therapy on me), but I’m going to try and shake this monkey off my back. If you see me, and can get past the Word Police and their ugly flying monkeys, you could slip me some raw, uncorrected Words. Enable me!

13 comments:

Malnurtured Snay said...

Here's one for you: stonebriated.

Kanrei said...

As a political junkie I say just go with it. It is your charm and your gift. I have to admit to being such a bad speller that it takes me a few times to even notice what is wrong with the words you find. I should just delete that part I think actually. Personally, I love the words gone bad. Makes me think about my own spelling and fear of being on your list makes me double check things now.

I wonder how many of your readers share the same fear of being on the list one day.

Serena Joy said...

Ooo, I like that one, Malnurtured Snay. I'm feeling a powerful urge to define it, but I'll try to wait 'til tomorrow.

Kan, my Lemming, I keep telling you -- I only pick up bad words on the other side of the tracks; i.e., really obscure sites. Stop worrying!

Kanrei said...

I have been known to cross the tracks sometimes. So happy I am not a really obscure site though. =P

And you don't like a naked Jennifer Aniston? For shame =P

Serena Joy said...

Naked Jennifer's okay, but I'd rather see naked Doc McDreamy. I'm funny that way.:)

Scary Monster said...

How be puppy? Perky? Grumbly?

Me be absconded, pireplexed.
Me is always expectorating a new assorptment of Them twisty words. What me gonna do while your on the wagon?

Serena Joy said...

Puppy's perky again. And speaking to me.

Join the club, Scary. I'm always all those things you said. And don't despair, me darlin' little monster -- I'll be back off the wagon tomorrow. This is drive-through Rehab, you know. Save up your monstrous words and toss 'em at me tomorrow.

littlebirdblue said...

PARENTHETICAL HISSES AND MOANS (Oh my!)

Serena Joy said...

I know, Camille -- too long. I'll shorten it after while. Kisses and Moans, maybe? LOL.

Hale McKay said...

Whimsical word withdrawal waits.

Serena Joy said...

I hope so, Mike. These withdrawal pangs hurt. I'm in restraints now; kept trying to reach for a dictionary. Apparently that's a no-no in the Word Ward.:)

littlebirdblue said...

Sparkly Jewels!

I wonder if tomorrow it will be Slimy Toads (isn't that what fell from the bad sister's lips in the fairy tale?)

Lee said...

Don't be ashamed of your addiction, Serena...the men in those crazy jackets will not come to take you away!

I'm with you on preferring a naked Dr. McDreamy! Ooooh yeah!

Ease a word in here and there...you need to feed those cravings. Gently does it...withdrawals are a bad thing!