Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Praise (Don't Braise) Your Local Groundhog
February is a month chock-full of holidays, but we’re not going to talk about the frilly froufrou one on the 14th. I’m focusing instead on the important one, the one that’s coming up Friday, February 2nd – Groundhog Day.
Why am I so excited about Groundhog Day, also known as Candlemas and, I believe, Hedgehog Day in England? Because I hate cold and ice and chill bumps and the stupid rodent will tell me on Friday how much longer I have to put up with it. That’s why.
Groundhog Day, if you don’t already know this, falls smack-dab between the Winter Solstice and the Vernal Equinox. On this day full of all kinds of symbolism and pagan pageantry, legend has it that if the groundhog (also sometimes known as the woodchuck) pops out of its comfy little hole on February 2 and can’t see its shadow because the skies are cloudy and overcast, this signifies an end to winter soon thereafter. If, on the other hand, the furry little varmint comes out to a clear, sunny day and sees its shadow, said shadow will scare the animal (wuss!) and it will retire back into its burrow to wait out another six weeks of winter.
You can call it Candlemas or you can call it Groundhog Day. Either way, it’s a day for prognostication of the highest order – and a day to pray for clouds. Everybody knows, of course, the most famous weather-predicting rodent of them all, Punxsutawney Phil from Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. I adore you, Phil, and I promise to stop pinching your fuzzy little cheeks. Oh, and the FedEx man is on his way to your hole bearing gifts. Just tell me if it's not enough.
If any of you know any Groundhog Voodoo at all, please start your rituals now. I don’t want any delay in the onset of spring so I’m willing to do whatever it takes to placate the rodent. I’ll give him food, presents, praise, money, even a little of my blood if that’s what it takes. And if the groundhog messes up, I’ll be soliciting recipes and buying a shiny new roasting pan.
Today’s trek around the block with Twisted Linguistics looks like this:
perminant - I don't know what it is, but since it comes from a full-time writer, it must mean something. Right?
I'm a looser -- What, loose bowels? Loose morals?
chivalrous and gentile tone - A lot of this tone was seen during the Crusades.
eight month siinot - An extremely long-lasting cold, involving tons of Kleenex.
accetable - A table intended for ornamental purposes only. If you can reach it, you can set it.
Recnetly - Activities that take place near the game net in the recreation room.
reptable - A table on which snakes and lizards are laid out for inspection.
thier - Psychic with a lisp.
I know you were all waiting with bated breath for the results of this quiz, and I'm equally sure my results are no huge surprise. The only question remaining is, How Dumb Are You?
How Dumb Are You?
A Rum and Monkey stupidity.