Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Dark Side of the Deep End

Twisted Linguistics have decided they wish to do the blogging today, and who am I to gainsay them? They sort of went off the deep end and decided to cruise the Dark Side. They could have been bored, or they could have simply been having an off day. In any event, they took a stroll on the Wild Side -- which was pretty brave of them. In theory. See, they don't think. They get these wild hairs and just jump in, and the devil take the consequences. They perhaps spent a little too much time wandering aimlessly around the Dark Side (never a great idea). They returned with wild, glazed eyes and some nervous tics, but they didn't return empty-handed. No, they brought back this list of Words Gone not only Wild but gone off the deep end -- with which they dashed off this cockeyed story.

let bygons be bygons...
filoe a complaint
my forth
Bought a new fir alarm
Got I hate those basterd
yonger and yonger
a sepaerat constitution for thgose on the gold standard (you guys..you can't own gold in the us..ok?)

Hello! My name is Fritz and I want to tell you about my numnerous trips to Gesgurmany. I go there to buy – okay, steal – gold, which I have coveted since I was yonger and even yonger. It was on my forth trip that I was scammed into buying a new fir alarm. The con artists told me it would alert me any time my Christmas tree was plotting to attack me. Got, I hate those basterd sneaky trees! Unfortunatly, the alarm never went off and the tree beat me up with unforeseen rotten tuna many times. Well, that had me boilinf, I can tell you that. I went to the palace to filoe a complaint, and the King told me to just let bygons be bygons. I don’t think so. I made an obscene gesgur and threatened him with my fir. The King mistakenly thought I’d called him the F├╝hrer and threw me in prison. I hated prison. It made me very nerous, and caused my neros to go num. He finally let me out when I offered him the last of my gold. Then I almost got scammed again. By the King. He told me, “There is a sepaerat constitution for thgose on the gold standard (you guys..you can't own gold in the us..ok?). I told him I was but a simple, goldless fiiiiiir (to prevent his thinking I was calling him the “F” word again) alarm salesman. Then I told him he could trust me ok to sell him the means to filoe his dream of safety from The Great Tannenbaum Menace -- known in sales circles as Th Golden Gose. See, I am not for nothing the top seller in my pyramid scheme week after week. Ges! He bought a gross, paid me in gold, and I came home to the us to own my gold. Ich bin ein boilinf scammer, fir sure. By gon, I am so hot I'm on fir!

If your eyes are still focused and not rolled back in your head after that, you might be interested in taking another of these ubiquitous quizzes. This one wants to know how quirky you are.

Your Quirk Factor: 65%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."


Kanrei said...

I just...um...yea, well...you see...yea...

I am scared words like those are free to roam and possibly mate with good and decent G-d fearing words. There should be a law and if there ain't there oughtabe. I even caught one on my site trying to hide. I showed it by destroying the entire story. HA! That will teach those words.

Kanrei said...

Your Quirk Factor: 89%

You're beyond quirky... You're downright bizarre.
You've lost touch with social norms and what's appropriate. And you're loving every minute of it!

The funny part is I lied on some and gave what I thought were more normal answers.

Serena Joy said...

I agree, Kan. We can't take chances with inbreeding among these words. Who can we see about getting a law? Which one did you catch on your site? Was it one of mine? If it killed your story, we ought to make an example of it. Life without parole!:)

Roxan said...

***Your Quirk Factor: 59%***

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it.
Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

Scary Monster said...

Liked this one SJ. Made me feel like Me was talkin to Forrest Gump on silly-psybin.
And iffin any of dem lingtwistgits come over me way Me will just STOMP on 'em.

Serena Joy said...

Forrest Gump on silly-psybin.

My secret is out. LOL!

I feel much safer, SM, knowing that you're ready, willing, and able to STOMP these things out.:)

littlebirdblue said...

***Your Quirk Factor: 83%***

You're beyond quirky... You're downright bizarre.
You've lost touch with social norms and what's appropriate. And you're loving every minute of it!

Like Kanrei, I thought I was toning my answers down. Huh.

But then, Kanrei writes poetry, too, so maybe there's a correlation.

Serena Joy said...

I thought I was toning down my answers, too, but still came out pretty darn flaky.:)

Corn Dog said...

I have made my sick laughing at this. The first time through I hurt my back and wet my pants. The second time through I choked myself and peed my pants - again. How does anyone do that? I must have a BB sized bladder. The third time through I made myself nauseated. I have to stop. I have posted a link to it from my blog. Thank you very much. I think I burst a blood vessel in my eye.

Serena Joy said...

I'm glad it made you laugh, Corn Dog, but holy crap, those are some high dollar injuries. You're going to sue me, aren't you? I have to tell you that all I have left is one skinny pig and a one-legged chicken. I already sold my gold tooth. I could give you the chicken. I don't like him. Too much. And I could spring for a new pair of pants at the Dollar Store. So, are you feeling any better now? Hee-alll, I say!

Corn Dog said...

I'll take the chicken. What a deal. I injure myself laughing AND get a chicken. My lucky day! Thanks

Serena Joy said...

De nada. You probably don't want to fry Mr. Chicken, though. He's pretty stringy. But he's all yours! Um, can you send somebody to fetch him? I don't touch him if I don't have to. He bites.

Corn Dog said...

LOL, one legged and a biter. He's a gem. I'll send my brother. He's in Georgia. I can hear him now, "You want me to do pick up WHAT?"

Serena Joy said...

Does he have a truck? Because I could sweeten the pot by unloading -- um, I mean giving you an elderly, free-loading mule, my hellcat (cross between wombat and wildcat), and a couple of bottles of really bad hooch. You can't drink it (unless you're a masochist) but you can cook with it. It helps tenderize those stringy chickens a little bit.

Southern Writer said...

Me, too, SJ. I got the same quirky.

I think in Twisted today that "unfortunatly" was probably mine. I do that when I'm typing too fast and not checking anything. I told you back when I first began reading here that there's one word I always, always mistype, but couldn't think of what it was and promised to tell you when I remembered. Well, I remember. It's delte; no DELETE. My finger misses that second E every time.

Thank you very much for your two cents today. I really appreciated it.

Steve G said...

Okay I'm a 28% normal kind of guy. What can I say.

Kanrei said...

The list of words I spell wrong is too long to type. Just go buy Webster's and you will pretty much have it covered. I have a bad combination of no spelling skills and I am working on learning to type without looking which only makes my spelling worse. Word went on strike I spell so badly.

Serena Joy said...

Nuh-uh, Lesia, I never arrest bad words from friends' blogs. Most of them come from some of the mondo bizarro forums on Craig's List and a couple of other problematic sites. You're very welcome for the two cents.:)

My word, Steve, you ARE normal. I'm impressed.

Kan, you do pretty darn well with your spelling. I wouldn't worry about it.

Lee said...

My 'Quirk Factor' is 78%

I think those words are cohabitating and breeding, unfortunately...something drastic has to be done to alleviate this disease...and quickly!

Corn Dog directed me this way...in between her gasps for air!

Serena Joy said...

Hi, Lee. Thanks for stopping by. It's always great to meet someone else who scores pretty high on the Quirk scale. Hopefully, Corn Dog is recovering from her injuries today -- and won't sue me. Or she might be completely obsessing on that husbandly stun gun; there could be some strange barking going on in her neighborhood. I agree, something needs to be done about the Word Menace. They're multiplying out of control. Maybe we could all put our heads together and come up with a plan.:)