Friday, January 12, 2007

Petite de Nouvelles

In news of the warped and weird, the body of soul singer James Brown still has not been buried. The reason given is that Brown's children and attorneys are still working out estate issues, including the location of his final resting place. (I'm afraid I would read that as, "They're fighting.")

Meanwhile, Brown's body lies in a sealed casket at his home, in a room kept at a controlled temperature, with security guards standing watch.

Tomi Rae Hynie, Brown's common law wife, remains locked out of the home where she lived with Brown and their 5-year-old son, James, Jr. In another bizarre twist, while six other of Brown's children are named in his will, James, Jr., is not.

Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have called it quits. Oh, boo-effin'-hoo. I mean, yawn. Maybe Cameron gave a listen to some of Justin's new music. That could have done it.

A German retiree who wired up a high-voltage cable to try to wipe out the moles digging up his garden ended up killing himself instead.

Police in Stralsund reported that the 63-year-old retired construction foreman was found dead in the garden of his weekend house in Zingst next to a 380-volt cable and metal spikes rammed into the ground.

"The moles survived," a police spokesman said, noting the voltage was enough to run a cement mixer or heavy-duty power saw. "It was in any event an unorthodox method to try to get rid of moles."

A United Airlines passenger on a flight from Chicago to Vermont was bitten by a scorpion. Twice.

Do you have money burning a hole in your pocket? If so, read on.

The Habsburg family wants to sell Bran Castle (pictured in the photo at the top), a Transylvanian (modern-day Romania) castle famous for its connections to the 15th century medieval ruler who inspired "Dracula" (Vlad Tepes) for 60 million euros, or $78 million.

Also up for grabs is a tiny "nation," complete with its own flag, stamps, and passport. But -- caveat emptor. It's actually an artificial island in the North Sea that looks like an oil rig. It was built by Britain during World War II and equipped with radar, heavy armaments, and about 200 servicemen guarding the approaches to the Thames Estuary. Asking price -- $975 million.

Today's Twisted Linguistics:

immigrates - Ungrateful foreigners.

immigation - A system for watering crops which involves illegal workers with buckets and hoses.

rebel rousers - Inciting to riot, much more dangerous than mere rabble.

how are you fairing - Translated, this means "How many fairs have you been to? How did you like them?"

matrimonial bounds - Going to the chapel...

jynx - An unlucky lynx.

the curtesy to reply - Meaning you'd better be polite enough to sign over some property rights.

a humorous bend - A curve in the Funny River.

Are you an Internet junkie?

You Are 54% Addicted to the Internet

You're somewhat addicted to the internet - but who isn't?
You can keep it under check, and you're by no means a hermit.


Kanrei said...

ACK! TOTAL WEIRDNESS OVERLOAD! Too much strangeness for one warped mind to take.

I think you found this year's Darwin winner. If the others were smart they would just let this guy have it, but if they were smart they would not be in the running for the award.

Kanrei said...

You Are 70% Addicted to the Internet

In your opinion, life without the internet is hardly worth living.
Could be, but you probably need a bit more fresh air and sunshine to think clearly.

Serena Joy said...

Re the Darwin Award winner, I assume you're referring to Mole Man. He'd have been a hell of a lot better off to have let the moles have the yard and taken himself off to the arcade for a rousing game of Whack-a-Mole. Which I, by the way, love. Any time I find myself somewhere that has a game, they can't get me out of there. It's a hell of a hostility-breaker. Anyway... I'd be very surprised if the late Mole Man isn't nominated this year.

Re your Internet Addiction score -- Kan, Kan, Kan. I am going to have to insist that you get out more. Otherwise, I'm going to get together with your mother and start calling up the matchmakers.:)

RexZeitgiest said...

You Are 74% Addicted to the Internet

In your opinion, life without the internet is hardly worth living.
Could be, but you probably need a bit more fresh air and sunshine to think clearly.

RexZeitgiest said...

Yikes, I am glad I didn't awnser that poll honestly.....

I always liked Cameron Diaz, she seems fun and energetic....I think Justin was a boy toy....She needs to call me...I am her age...!

Serena Joy said...

Um, excuse me, Rex, but boy toys have their place.:)

Go ahead and give Cameron a call. She's on the rebound. You never know.

JuJu Martini said...

I think the James Brown thing is sad, people fighting over the dead and all. Good thing where he's at right now it climate-controlled, he might be spending eternity there; the infighting could take fricken' years. Poor little son too.

The Mole Man story reminded me of Dan Ackroyd's character, Carl, I think that was his name, in CaddyShack! I love Mole Whomping too, but when I think of it, a 5"1' little bitch I know comes to mind that if I got the chance, I'd whomp her ass into the ground. Whew, I need to calm down, how's a rousing game of Whack-a-Mole?!

As for the Cameron/Justin thing: At least it's news that isn't about the Bermuda triangle of Brad/Angelina/Jenn. Gawd, I get sick of seeing that all the time, get over it already! ;)

JuJu Martini said...

I think it was like 54% Addicted:
You're somewhat addicted to the internet - but who isn't?
You can keep it under check, and you're by no means a hermit.

Victor Allen Winters said...

Are you trying to take over my job? (pulls tongue painfully from cheek) Look for the mole-man and a buddy of his to make an appearance on this weekend's roll up.

I am only 53% addicted

Serena Joy said...

Woo-hoo, Juju -- another Mole Whacker! Put the two of us together and there'd be a hell of a lot of stomped, whomped, dead moles. Just think of the damage we could do if we put faces on the little suckers. LOL.

Serena Joy said...

Hey, Victor. Haven't seen you in a while, hope you're well and your new year's off to a good start. You're going to dig up Mole Man? I'll have to take a look and see what you do with him.:)

RexZeitgiest said...

ahahahahhaha.....I know about boytoys SJ, I was one once.....

Serena Joy said...

Oh, good! Then maybe you can tell me where the Boy-Toys-R-Us store is.:)

Roxan said...

Romanian castle sounds interesting. We had a guy at work who was from Romania. My nickname for him was "Stinky Pete". If he had ever been in the castle you'd know it.

Serena Joy said...

I wouldn't mind having a castle, Roxan. No vampires, no stinky guys allowed. Between the two of us, we ought to be able to raise the purchase price, don't you think?

Hale McKay said...

Juju threw me off for a minute or two. I'm sure she meant Bill Murray and not Dan Ackroyd.

I read about the man getting stung by the scorpion on the plane. (A new movie? - a sequel to Snakes On A Plane?)

I concur on your choice expression of "boo-effin'-hoo" in regards Diaz and Timberfake.

It is truly sad to see what's going on with James Brown's estate.

Good post with a lot of variety.

Serena Joy said...

Hey, Mike. When I read the scorpion story, my thoughts went immediately to 'Snakes On A Plane.' Great (or would that be warped?) minds think alike.:)

Timberfake. I like that. I wonder how long one can get by with fake singing?

JuJu Martini said...

Hale, thanks for the correction, I did in fact mean Bill Murray! LOL, how could I forget that? Another favorite character of his, is Bob, from "What About Bob?"

Love him, he's hilarious.

littlebirdblue said...

***You Are 65% Addicted to the Internet***

Maybe Brown's family should ask the Trump/O'Donnell/Walters triumvirate to mediate their interment issues?

Anonymous said...

If I only had the money. I would go for the castle.

As for addiction.

***You Are 42% Addicted to the Internet***

You're somewhat addicted to the internet - but who isn't?
You can keep it under check, and you're by no means a hermit.

Roxan said...

I can put in $1.50 for the castle.
You know where I'd really like to buy a castle.

Southern Writer said...

84% Addicted

The internet is your life - seriously. You spend so much time online, you should be a dot com millionaire!

I need rehab. In a castle. I'll let them bury James Brown out in the back yard.

Serena Joy said...

LBB, the Trump/O'Donnell/Walters triumvirate might not be such a bad idea. The worst that could happen is that they all get so self-absorbed with mud slinging that the body just molders away.

Steve, we're working on a deal. Chances are excellent that your share won't be that much.:)

Roxan, let me check on the Transylvanian exchange rate. I'll get back to you.

Lesia, what could be better than Rehab Castle? We can deal with bodies buried in the yard. Hell, we've dealt with worse than that.

Laurie said...

I'll take one castle to-go, please.