Thursday, December 14, 2006


Want to be a “hottie?” For a mere $950.00, you can obtain the No-Contact Jacket and turn yourself into a walking Taser. The jacket puts out 80,000 volts of low-amperage, non-lethal electric current just under the surface of the garment. If someone up to no good touches the coat while you’re wearing it and have it activated, he’ll get zapped. It will hurt him and cause him to lose voluntary muscle movement, just like a stun gun would, but it won't kill or permanently injure him. The rubbery interior of the jacket protects the wearer from the electrical current.

Available from

Well. I don't know what to say, except that’s one of the strangest items I’ve seen lately.

Which of Santa’s reindeer are you?

You Are Dancer

Carefree and fun, you always find reasons to do a happy dance.

Why You're Naughty: That dark stint you had as Santa's private dancer.

Why You're Nice: You're friendly. Very friendly.

Today’s Twisted Linguistics are just flippin’ weird. I’m going to attempt to define them but I’m not sanguine about my chances.

privaledge – You’ve heard of a pot to pee in when there’s no privy available? This is a ledge to pee off of under the same circumstances.

psudonims – Fake donut holes.

defineds – Self-explanatory.

Literaturehomeowrk – Intense analysis of the ‘Romeo’ character in which the work is done at home.

splung cord – We’ll get back to you on this one after we find out what a splung is and whether it should, in fact, be plugged in.

musiuc – Really nasty nasal discharge.

catologue – When cats use logs to ford rivers.

embaressing – The act of singing while naked.

promissing – The act of vowing to sing anywhere, any time.

champuion – Champagne that is so hideous that we guarantee you can get only half a flute down before you yell “Pooey!” and start puking.

amsetrs - People who sit on smoked hams. Also, people who look after little hams for money while the big pigs are out.

hosent – A burning, itching disease which could lead to parts rotting off unless you swallow your pride and seek treatment.

cricifix – Tiny little crosses carried by crickets.

I'll be in thouch – What a wannabe Romeo said to an uptight Juliet before she threw him off the balcony.


Anonymous said...

Hi. Just stopped by to see Liz. She left a message for us. Seems like non beta bloggers can't comment on beta blogs now. I've learned today that I can comment on non beta blogs without a problem. They must be trying hard to get everyone to convert.

Kanrei said...

You Are Dasher

You're an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules.

Why You're Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year

Why You're Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents.

That works =D

Roxan said...

I'm Dasher too.

Kanrei said...

I knew I liked Roxan for a reason =D

Serena Joy said...

Hi, Steve. These Blogger problems have to stop. It's ridiculous. I don't care if it is free. If you're going to offer a service, it should work.

Kan and Roxan, you're both Dashers. Cool! :)

Southern Writer said...

I'm Blitzen. I forget why. Pass the Schnapps.

Serena Joy said...

Lesia, if you can't remember why you're blitzed -- er, Blitzen, you've had enough Schnapps. LOL.

Dancer, Dasher, and Blitzen heard from -- where are the rest of the reindeer?

rex said...

You Are Blitzen

Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa.

Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying!

Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean eggnog martini.

Serena Joy said...

And we have another Blitzen. LOL. WHERE is the rest of the herd? Where's our Rudolph?!