Woe is me; I am hot no more. Temperature-wise, I'm talking about. Of course, I'm hot, even if it’s only in my dreams. LOL. The 70s are gone, it's in the 50s, and it will be in the 40s by Christmas. Oh, well -- it was great while it lasted.
How's this for an Evil Santa tale? In Columbia, SC, a man dressed as Santa Claus lured an 8-year-old girl onto his motorcycle and drove away, and her father chased him until he pulled over and gave her back.
The girl, of Augusta, GA, and her family stopped at a convenience store off Interstate 20 on Sunday night when they noticed the man, dressed in a Santa Claus suit, refueling his motorcycle, police said.
Police were told that he had been asking children to come over and look at a stuffed Rudolph he had in his sidecar before taking off with the 8-year-old.
I’m writing a letter to Good Santa:
I maybe haven't been all that good this year, but that's neither here nor there. I want what I want, and you have to bring it since ... that's your job. I'll make a deal with you, though. I'll forgo baubles and bows and bling if you'll do just this one thing for me: gain a little (or a lot) more weight and then sit on a couple of stupid twits (with or without tiaras, undies, and AA cards) here and a few yahoos (with or without hideous hair, beer guts, and rehab suites) there and smoosh them flat, figuratively speaking. Or even literally, if you wanted to go that far. That would be fine with me. And then I wouldn't mind it if you let your reindeer gang up and drool all over them. Oh, I know a little reindeer spit never hurt anybody, but the twits won't like it and annoying twits makes me happy. So, there you have it, big guy. That's what I want, Santa baby. Do we have a deal?
We have Twisted Linguistics today, some of them captured by Roxan, some by me.
real writiers are not intinidated - Hmph! Well, I guess not if they’re willing to go out in public and say that.
modecum of success - That's a very strange mode, fella.
I feel your paine - Someone's taking liberties with the late Thomas?
damge - Curse uttered by a stutterer.
a brand mew soul - Someone reincarnated as a cat.
new yortker - A novice at the art of yorting.
they pic their victums - People who get off on taking photos of people named Victor swallowing Tums.
seventioes - A person over 70 with either seven toes or seven ties, we're not sure which.
asshomes - A retirement home for old, worn out donkeys.
philosohpy - A guy named Phil who is simply overjoyed.
big suage truck - A large truck that hauls sausages to the sewage plant.
suction hoeses and the spair pylons - We're pretty sure this is something at least mildly pornographic, so we're not going to discuss it.
reseeaching - When your eye aches again and you can't see out of it.
There’s another word that’s bugging me, too. I hear it all the time, but especially at this time of year when the push is on to buy, buy, buy. The word is “jewelry.” It’s not that hard to pronounce, but too many people on TV are pronouncing it ju-la-ree. It’s ju-ul-ree, for Pete’s sake. You make jewelry with ju-uls, not ju-las.
How’s your thinking?
|Your Dominant Thinking Style: Exploring|
You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.
You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.
An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.
You show people how to question their models of the world.