Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Hot Santa



Woe is me; I am hot no more. Temperature-wise, I'm talking about. Of course, I'm hot, even if it’s only in my dreams. LOL. The 70s are gone, it's in the 50s, and it will be in the 40s by Christmas. Oh, well -- it was great while it lasted.

How's this for an Evil Santa tale? In Columbia, SC, a man dressed as Santa Claus lured an 8-year-old girl onto his motorcycle and drove away, and her father chased him until he pulled over and gave her back.

The girl, of Augusta, GA, and her family stopped at a convenience store off Interstate 20 on Sunday night when they noticed the man, dressed in a Santa Claus suit, refueling his motorcycle, police said.

Police were told that he had been asking children to come over and look at a stuffed Rudolph he had in his sidecar before taking off with the 8-year-old.

I’m writing a letter to Good Santa:


Dear Santa,

I maybe haven't been all that good this year, but that's neither here nor there. I want what I want, and you have to bring it since ... that's your job. I'll make a deal with you, though. I'll forgo baubles and bows and bling if you'll do just this one thing for me: gain a little (or a lot) more weight and then sit on a couple of stupid twits (with or without tiaras, undies, and AA cards) here and a few yahoos (with or without hideous hair, beer guts, and rehab suites) there and smoosh them flat, figuratively speaking. Or even literally, if you wanted to go that far. That would be fine with me. And then I wouldn't mind it if you let your reindeer gang up and drool all over them. Oh, I know a little reindeer spit never hurt anybody, but the twits won't like it and annoying twits makes me happy. So, there you have it, big guy. That's what I want, Santa baby. Do we have a deal?


We have Twisted Linguistics today, some of them captured by Roxan, some by me.

real writiers are not intinidated - Hmph! Well, I guess not if they’re willing to go out in public and say that.

modecum of success - That's a very strange mode, fella.

I feel your paine - Someone's taking liberties with the late Thomas?

damge - Curse uttered by a stutterer.

a brand mew soul - Someone reincarnated as a cat.

new yortker - A novice at the art of yorting.

they pic their victums - People who get off on taking photos of people named Victor swallowing Tums.

seventioes - A person over 70 with either seven toes or seven ties, we're not sure which.

asshomes - A retirement home for old, worn out donkeys.

philosohpy - A guy named Phil who is simply overjoyed.

big suage truck - A large truck that hauls sausages to the sewage plant.

suction hoeses and the spair pylons - We're pretty sure this is something at least mildly pornographic, so we're not going to discuss it.

reseeaching - When your eye aches again and you can't see out of it.

There’s another word that’s bugging me, too. I hear it all the time, but especially at this time of year when the push is on to buy, buy, buy. The word is “jewelry.” It’s not that hard to pronounce, but too many people on TV are pronouncing it ju-la-ree. It’s ju-ul-ree, for Pete’s sake. You make jewelry with ju-uls, not ju-las.

How’s your thinking?


Your Dominant Thinking Style: Exploring

You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.
You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.

An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.
You show people how to question their models of the world.

22 comments:

Steve G said...

I love your Santa letter.

Roxan said...

My my imagine that we be brain twins. LOL

You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.
You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.

An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.
You show people how to question their models of the world.

grannie said...

What is so unusual about that? I drive around with a stuffed Rudolph in my sidecar all the time.

grannie said...

I mean, haven't we all had some stuffed Rudolph in our sidecars at one time or another?

Kanrei said...

Oh for shame...
Santa is not an instrument of wrath. Tisk tisk tisk tisk and tisk.

Ask him for anti-twit spray instead.

Serena Joy said...

Thanks, Steve.

Roxan, why am I not surprised? LOL.

"Grannie," presumably you don't use your Rudolph to lure children for purposes of abduction.

Kan, I thought Santa lived to serve me?! The spray does make sense, though. LOL.

Kanrei said...

Visioning

You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights.
You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details.

An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path.
You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

RexZeitgiest said...

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Modifying

Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you.
You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion.

You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested.
You tend to ground those around you and add

RexZeitgiest said...

That bad Santa story is very, very, distrubing....I want to know what this joker was thinking, or attempting to do?

It sounds like everyone watched him snatch the little girl and then chased him down....Santa would have been a bloody pulp if I had been that dad.....

Serena Joy said...

Kan and Rex, both of your quiz results sound right on target to me. Kan is demonstrably a peacemaker, and Rex is one of those logical, analytical thinkers. I know; I see it from each of you every day.:)

Serena Joy said...

Rex, I think it was pretty clear what that "Santa" had in mind. You don't grab a child off a convenience store parking lot for benevolent reasons. I can't remember whether I read that he had a previous record, but it wouldn't surprise me if he did. That kind of thing might fly in "far-off places," but it sure as hell ain't okay anywhere around here. I'd guess that little girl's father was tempted to beat the pervert to a pulp when he stopped him.

Laurie said...

I didn't know where most of those questions were going but it sure got me exactly:

Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you.
You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion.

You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested.
You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

Serena Joy said...

I thought the questions were pretty loopy, too, but they seem to have produced some fairly accurate results.

I'm still humming "Rhonda..." LOL.

Hale McKay said...

Great Santa letter!

I really like your definitions today.

That wasn't the motor cycle Santa from my post was it?

RexZeitgiest said...

Santa needs about 5 years of quiet time in the North Pole State pen.!

Rain said...

Can't stop thinking about the bad Santa. Evil man.

Dear Santa, forget the gifts, round up some evil doers and squash'em. Amen to that idea.

Serena Joy said...

Thank you, Mike. Nope, definitely not your Santa. Your Biker Santa's one of the good guys.:)

We'll be easy to please this year, Rain -- all we want for Christmas is some squashums.

Serena Joy said...

You go round him up, Rex, and I'll lock the cell door behind him. And psssst, if you want to rough him up a little first, I didn't see nothin'.:)

Kanrei said...

How many people like Rex does it take to throw a bad Santa down stairs?


None, the Santa fell.

RexZeitgiest said...

If its was one of my nieces, there would be no need for the poice to be invovled......I would have to get in line behind my brothers and take turns beating down Bad Santa......

Serena Joy said...

Kan, he did fall. I didn't see anybody push him, and I'm sticking to my story. :)

Go, Rex!

Kanrei said...

No arguments here. Any crime that involves children should be death penalty and I oppose the DP. It should be slow, painful, and did I say slow?