|Your Elf Name Is...|
I could use a good elf, though. As an erstwhile (and ersatz, as is everything PA) PublishAmerica "editor" once said, "We all needs help sometimes." Immortal words. Words that will live on in infamy. But I digress. I'm talking elves here. Where can I get one? I need a little help here.
I cannot decide what to buy for whom for Christmas. This is due not in small part to the fact that I can't remember what I got them last year. What the hell do you do if you buy them the same thing this year? Do you hang your head in mortification? Do you plead brain injury? Do you laugh it off as one of the perks of aging? Damned if I know. I'd prefer not to do it, though, in which case I could stave off finding out for another year. Hence, the call for some Elf Aid in the quest to worship at the Retail altar in this Buymas season.
It's very warm today. In fact, if you stay outside in the sun for any length of time, it's downright hot. It's freaky. Freaky, of course, is pretty much the norm these days in many regards. Then again, I'm no longer sure I know what normal is. For that matter, I've come to realize that I have no idea what freaky, or hellish, is, either. Whenever I think I've been there, I'm subsequently given a clue that says, "Unh-unh, girlie, it can always get worse."
I've thought a few times in this, that, or the other situation that, yep, this must surely be hell. Come to find out, nah, that wasn't it. Therefore, it's got to be about a gajillion times worse than anything I've imagined yet. Thus, it's got to be a place to be avoided at all costs, don't you think? When I figure out the magic charm, I'll let you know. And if you find it first, you let me in on it, okay?
Why am I talking about freaks and hell on such a glorious Saturday afternoon? Hell if I know. Let's get back to the elf hunt, shall we? Somebody please round me up a dependable one with a cute name who knows the gift-buying game like nobody's business. Time's a-wastin'. If I don't hurry up and get down to propitiating the retail gods, I'm going to get left out in the cold. Or heat, as the case may be.