Heads up, all of you who might be Yankees. I forgive you all for absconding with the mule and the family silver all those years ago, and this is to inform you that I will be moving north and seeking sanctuary in your territory post haste. And what, you ask, has brought about this hasty retreat? Snakes! That's what.
According to recently released U.S. Geological Survey maps, thanks in large part to climate changes that are warming up the country, giant Burmese pythons are now in a position to populate one-third of the USA -- from San Francisco, across the Southwest and Texas, through the South and north to the Virginia coast. These things can grow up to twenty feet long and weigh 250 pounds. I don't want to be here when they come. I am not remotely comforted by the fact that they are non-poisonous. Why should I be? Knowing that they coil themselves around their prey and crush them to death before eating them whole sounds much worse to me than any poison ever invented.
Federal agencies are gathering data about nine invasive, mostly Asian species of big snakes in Florida, concerned about the danger they now pose to endangered indigenous species. And they've expressed both surprise and concern about the snakes' northward trek.
Burmese pythons were introduced into the US as part of the pet trade, and wild specimens were discovered in the mid-1990s in the Florida Everglades, probably released by owners who no longer wanted them. By 2003, it was abundantly clear that the snakes were breeding in the wild. Florida immediately began regulating their sale and ownership, but it may well be too little, too late. And the problem is no longer confined to Florida. For example, a bunch of the creepy crawlers/chokers were released in Arkansas.
Authorities advise that if you see one, don't attempt to engage it. Duh! I'm scared of snakes, and I'm not a bit ashamed to admit it. I have a really hard time spending time in the same county with one, and I've been known to squeal like a little girl and run like hell at the sight of a little bitty garter snake. I can't even imagine how upset I'd be (and ballistic I'd go) if I were grabbed in a chokehold by a giant hungry mutant snake way bigger than I. Isn't there a bit of atavistic snake dread in all of us? After all, the old-timey prophets decided to call the devil a serpent. There was a reason for that, you know. They were scared of snakes!
You Are Fairly Normal
You scored 65% normal on this quiz
Like most people you are normal in some ways...
But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too!
Why You Are Normal:
When you're in a car, you prefer to be the driver
You would rather be pale than tan
You prefer fiction to non fiction
If you had to, you rather live without music and still have laughter
You think fishnet stockings are trashy
Why You Aren't Normal:
You would not eat meat from a cloned animal
You prefer flat potato chips.
You know a little about many subjects
You rather screw someone over than be screwed over
You prefer a good nap to a good meal
How would you like to write me a snake limerick today?
TWISTED LINGUISTICS swore out warrants today for this motley crew of Words Gone Wild and threw their butts in jail.
naerly - Something so narrow it's nearly gnarly.
My gramar is also bad - Oh, gee, do you think?
souvenier - Sous-chef who doubles as the wine steward and also mans the gift shop.
stardome - The place where bad actresses go to sober up and take acting lessons.
funerial - Dressing up in bright clothes and going to a carnival for purposes of shedding your funereal mood.