Miss's Mailbox

Dear Miss Begotten,
What is 'true love'?
- Mona

Dear Mona,
I think that 'true love' in its purest form is an amorphous thing that is shaped by strong emotions and, yes, influenced by chemistry and hormonal surges. It certainly exists and is a wondrous thing to behold -- when you can find it. And there are those who hold that it's as rare as a Bigfoot sighting. I'm going to weigh in on the optimistic side here and state right in public that, yes, I believe there is a true love somewhere in this world for everyone. It's all the hooking up with the wrong person that causes all the problems. In the end, as we all know, love can take on many shapes, shades, and permutations, but when it's true love, that is a thing unique and precious. In a nutshell, "true love" is a relationship with a person who doesn't cause you to run, vomit, break out in hives, long to join a convent/monastery, or have homicidal daydreams

Miss has stayed up all night researching some pointers for you.

- If it makes you feel nauseous, it's either true love or food poisoning.
- If it makes you feel giddy, it's either true love or someone has slipped something into your drink.
- If it makes you feel warm all over, it's either true love or you need to turn the heat down and stop wasting energy.
- If it makes your heart race, it's either true love or you need to see a cardiologist.
- If it makes your hormones surge and rage at weird times, it's either true love, PMS, or menopause.
- If it makes you gush and fawn, it's either true love or latent dementia.
- If it makes you write maudlin, syrupy poetry, it's either true love or you have writer's block.
- If it makes you emote while quoting love sonnets, it's either true love or a full moon.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Do you ever get depressed?
- Teary-Eyed

Dear TE,
Oh, God, yes. I feel the onset of incipient blues right now if the truth be known. Don't ask me why. I don't know. It happens every year around this time, except that it usually waits 'til after Christmas. I should be on top of the world. All the preparation is over and everything is done, I'm leaving town Saturday to spend the holiday in a city I love, and I don't have to go back to work 'til January 2. And I just feel like sneaking off for a covert cry, never mind that I have nothing to cry ABOUT. I'm happy, for God's sake. I think it's quite possible that I am insane. So, how about you, TE? Are you blue? Really crying? Suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (also known as SAD, and how damned aptly named!)? I really hope you get the pink back in your blue soon. I'm pulling for you.

Dear Miss Begotten,
I've gotten terribly used to a dear friend's companionship every day. Now I hear that that person will be "out of town" for a few days. Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
-G-man

Dear G-man,
Absence may not actually make the heart grow fonder, but it sure does feel like it because you're just so darned overjoyed to reconnect with what has been missing. It doesn't matter whether it's your friend, your car, your nicotine habit, your computer, your phone, your dog, or what it is. When you're deprived of it for a while, you just want to kiss it something fierce when it finally returns. I'm not, mind you, advocating smooching dogs, because some dogs don't like that (although mine happens to adore it). And the cars and cigarettes and stuff can be quite nasty and it probably wouldn't be a good idea to kiss them unless you have a good health plan. I'm just saying. So, anyway, you and your friend both may feel pretty lonely for those few days, but I believe that in the long run you'll be so glad to be reunited that you'll be even better friends than before. Unless, of course, one of you elopes with someone else in the interim. Wouldn't that just suck? Miss be thinking, however, that that won't happen, so just suck it up, backbone straight and chin up, and the time will pass before you know it. And look on the bright side -- whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Except when it does and then it doesn't.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS is tormenting these Words Gone Wild today. And on the ones that stumped us, why don't you fill in the blanks?

neclace -

fellow writters - The colleagues of a process server.

potiential -

expressess -

tweeked - Nervous gesture of a stoner.

your a publised author -

Philadellphia - Place filled with Dell computer memorabilia.

festivites -

on my midd - Where your beer belly is.

GIGO Grammar:
i haven't did that yet
I am have trouble