Monday, September 10, 2007

Footnotes From the Fringes

I was in Staples Friday and finally found the item I was looking for -- without any help from the TWO WHOLE EMPLOYEES who were working the sales floor. The man ahead of me in the checkout line had several rolls of duct tape and a will kit. I don't know about you, but I felt kind of creeped out. I'm probably better off not knowing what he was going to do with them.
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Some of Britain's most distinguished Shakespearean actors have reopened the debate over whether William Shakespeare wrote the plays attributed to him. Apparently, they don't believe a 16th century commoner raised in an illiterate household and with no knowledge of the world of which he wrote could have produced the Bard's works. They like Christopher Marlowe, Francis Bacon, or Edward de Vere, the Earl of Oxford, for possible authors. I say, what difference does it make at this late date? Somebody wrote them and they have survived the test of time. Leave it alone, quit quibbling, and simply continue to enjoy them.
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Christopher Newport University in Newport News, Virginia, commissioned a statue of its namesake. Christopher Newport was captain of the Susan Constant and helped found Jamestown, America's first permanent English settlement. Before that, he'd been a privateer in the West Indies, hired by London merchants to raid Spanish and Portugese ships. (Is there much difference between a privateer and a pirate?) During the course of his swashbuckling, Newport's right arm was lopped off in a battle around 1590. The 24-foot bronze statue was delivered to the campus and all hell broke loose because it has ... both arms. Alumni and history buffs were miffed because Newport was inaccurately depicted, while the artist says he refuses to show an important historical figure with his arm cut off. The matter remains at an impasse.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS will attempt to define these Words Gone Wild:

critisizm - Seize the critic!

a real, real, crtitic - A genuine tic affecting the breast area.

illierate - How much a sick liar is charged.

Thank you hun - Expression of gratitude to a person of Teutonic descent.

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.


Roxan said...

***You Have a Choleric Temperament***

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

Hmmm, well I have to admit people do irritate me. LOL

Charles said...

You were in staples? Don't let G know that you wearing only that. Hmmm, maybe its time we had a pick on G day...
How many halves of employees did they have? Maybe that's why the guy had the duct tape.

How unlikely that someone of intelligence would be able to learn things that they didn't grow up in is it? Maybe they couldn't conceive of it, but it could have happened. Heaven forbid they give someone credit for being more intelligent than themselves.

Gee, you mean they wanted the sculpture of the guy after he lost his arm? You know they could always make it themselves. NOT!

You Have a Melancholic Temperament
Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

So how about some more creative writing activities? You're so good at coming up with good ones. I wish my teachers had been more like you.

Camille Alexa said...

...several rolls of duct tape and a will kit...

HilARious, you!

And have you noticed there seems to be an inverse ratio of 'size of corporate chain' to 'available employees on floor to assist'?

Kanrei said...

The Office...I won't finish the name, but there is a Home one as well if that helps, anyway, they have tons of employees, just no help. I would rather not see people. That way I know why I am not getting the help I need. Explain the lack of assistance in a store filled with workers.

I am in the "Shakespeare did not write it all" camp. I view the word "Shakespeare" as a genre and not as a person. Makes it easier, but Willie did not write all of it in my opinion.

Charles said...

I see it as a matter of Arthur C. Clark couldn't have written about geostationary orbits before there were artificial satellites in orbit around the Earth, because there were no artificial satellites to put into geostationary orbits when he wrote about them. Just because there is vision doesn't mean it had to have been physically seen.

Serena Joy said...

Yeah, Roxan, but when they irritate you, you at least don't dismember them.:)

I didn't see any half employees, Charles. Only the two wholes who weren't able to meet the needs of the horde of customers needing assistance with major purchases.

Yes, it's true -- the historians wanted the statue sans its right arm to maintain historical purity. I don't care who wrote "Shakespeare." The works are brilliant and timeless, regardless.

I know it, Camille. There's a distinct inverse ratio. I know companies like to save money, but no sales people equates into no sales. They lost money the day I was there. Had I (and a lot of other customers) been able to get some assistance, I would have bought more than I did. And I was NOT happy leaving the store with my purchase, completely uncertain whether it would even work for my purposes, knowing that I was going to have to be very careful cutting it out of its hellish plastic shell because I might well have to return it. Thank God, it did work.

We have one of those Office ... thingies here, Kan, but you're right, the service would have been no better. And Staples was closer. If these stores want to sell high-dollar goods to the public, they ought to cough up the money to keep a full staff on the floor.

Kanrei said...

In my opinion, it is not the fact that he may or may not have seen what he wrote about, it is the sheer number of amazing things he wrote in the time he was alive. Steven King (or is it Stephen?)is about a prolific a writer as William is supposed to have been, but with far more crap in his library. I just don't believe they were all his, but rather attributed to him because the real authors were A) fans of his style and B) lost to history.

Scary Monster said...

They hired an artist not a historian. So he watched a couple of swashbuckling movies, made he statue and mucked it all up. Now he be falling back on some kind of pretentious artistic ethic to cover he ass.

What an idjit!

The argument over Willie is moot.

Wether it be far, far better to enjoy the plays or to discover that all is not right with he statements, ought not to trouble us players. Pie eyed enjoyment be the rub.


Serena Joy said...

I STOMPIN' agree with you, Scary, on all points. If you're going to do something historical, get it right. And the Shakespeare debate is indeed moot. All the putative authors are long dead, so I say give it a rest.

I adore pie eyed enjoyment.:-)

Lee said...

I totally agree, Serena...the only one who would care now, is already long dead, William are his relatives!

Serena Joy said...

Amen, Lee.:)

Kanrei said...

But it is a fun debate. Pointless as far as not changing anything, but great as a mental exercise.

Serena Joy said...

Yeah, you can't rewrite history, but it does provide a lot of fodder for speculation.

Corn Dog said...

No, Shakespeare didn't write those plays. I did. Now, maybe the idiots can quit trying to figure out who wrote them. Always picking on dead people, aren't they? And ya know why? Because they can't defend themselves. That's why.

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Roxan and I are, once again, QuizTwins. (And I am, once again, nearly late for work. This will be brief.)

I have a choleric temperament. I'm proud of this. ;)

/t. said...

a world where
a carpenter can be a messiah
and a president can be a bush
why not a commoner a genius


Kanrei said...

I will share Roxan with you, but she is MY QUIZ TWIN AND SOULMATE! I suppose we can let you in our merry little circle though. I am not sure how Roxan is about the "three way thing" though =P

Serena Joy said...

You do have a point, CD. Dead guys ought to be hands off -- no picking on them.:)

As well you should be proud of it, Miz Greeny.:-)

Indeed, /t. Indeed.:)

Geez, Kan, I think this is the first time 3-ways have been mentioned on my blog. It's okay, though; I AM, after all, rated R.:-)

Pink said...

i have a crabby temperment

i don't need any stupid quiz to tell me that. what nonsense!


cornie didn't write them. i did. now go debate that, english scholars!


Serena Joy said...

Tania -- :-) :-)