Friday, August 24, 2007

Miss's Mailbox

Dear Miss Begotten,
Are Reese's peanut butter cups REALLY responsible for crop circles?

Oh, Pinks, Dear Pinks,
One school of thought holds that they are, but I don't think so. I believe the real culprit is ooey-gooey Mallo Cups. I mean, all you have to do is look at them to see how esoteric and other-worldly they are. Reese's, on the other hand, are pure Earthly delight, sinfully sensuous on the tongue, raw sensuality embraced by chocolate and oozing sweet, creamy peanut butter, hot and sticky and gooey and -- oh! I'd better stop right there if I'm going to go out and look at crop circles. Whew! Now I need my fan.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Why does the American system encourage idiots to vote?

Dear Charles,
Alas, the American Constitution affords idiots equal rights and equal protection under the law. Therefore, if there's an election in which you and I get to vote, the idiot across the street also gets a vote. There is, however, no law that says we can't stick our tongues out at the idiots at the polls. Anyway, the American system encourages such idiotic voting because it ensures that complete idiots get elected to public office. The math would suggest that there are more idiots than there are the rest of us, as evidenced by the last two presidential elections in which the idiots got away with elevating one of their own to the highest office. And those, alas, have not been the only two elections the idiot faction comandeered. We must all diligently hone our mental processes so this doesn't happen in '08. This will require meditation, Tai Chi, Feng Shui, remedial math, Home Ec, and in-depth studies of the works of Carlos Casteneda and Jerry Garcia. A remedial Sex Ed class wouldn't hurt, either -- for the idiots, not the rest of us.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Can you really NOT teach an old dog new tricks?

Bonus Question:

Are Trix really for kids?

My Dear G-Man,
I don't know about you, but I can. I can teach quite a number of tricks to the young and the old. I could provide testimonials, but I've been warned not to talk about that in public; too controversial. Plus, there's the liability issue when the highly excitable start getting, well, too highly excited. My methods are not for the faint of heart, but I'm told they're quite effective and those who survive them go on to live long, satisfying, and very happy lives. Oh, but wait -- you said dogs. No. No, you can't.

As for the Trix, I think they're for anybody fast enough to steal them from the bunny, except in cases of females who have killed bunnies. Those females will spend approximately nine months eating all the Trix (and everything else) in sight and nobody else will get any.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Why are Mondays kinder to me than Fridays are?

Dear Kan,
Methinks perhaps you have it backwards. After all, the songs written about Mondays are a little maudlin -- rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Monday, Monday, can't trust that day. Of course, they write them about Tuesdays, too -- Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday, who could hang a name on you?

Fridays, on the other hand, have some pretty good songs. Like Thank God it's Friday,
party lights, Friday night feelin' right, it's a party

I recommend a minor calendar adjustment and you'll be fine.

And now, if you'd like to stick your tongues out at a few Words Gone Wild brought in by Roxan, TWISTED LINGUISTICS will look the other way.

will amanda and kyle have a stady relationship?
will it be declan and jessi or declan and lorie or will he get togeather with no one
if you disagre with me,come on,I love a good argue.
come out of the closit if not he will eventuallg get caught out.
famale actor in it.
you guys wont beleave this
share and ejoy

We got here yesterday afternoon, a little tired but not that much the worse for wear. My sister cooked an excellent dinner and we spent much of the evening outdoors. The back yard is on the Intercoastal Waterway. I'll try to have some pictures for you tomorrow. I'm not sure what we're doing today, but we'll go out for some fresh seafood tonight. Tomorrow, I want to find time to go to my favorite boutique in downtown Wilmington and see what I can find cute to spend some money on.

You Need Some Green in Your Life

Green will make you feel alive, renewed, and balanced.
And with a little green, you will project an aura of peacefulness and harmony.
If you want stability, you've got to get a little green in your life!
For extra punch: Combine green with blue or purple
The downside of green: It can promote jealousy in yourself or others
The consequences of more green in your life:
You will be drawn to a new life path
You will feel free to pursue new ideas and interests, no matter how strange
You will be released from the demands and concerns of others


Lee said...

I'm here! I'm here! I feel so guilty when I don't visit your blog for a couple of days, Serena! Forget other things in real life that I have to attend to...I should cast all aside! This is where I should and where I'm supposed to be!

puerileuwaite said...

Hope you have a better time there, than I had on the Inter-Postal Waterway. All I encountered were surly nutcases hauling heavy dufflebags of Lord knows what around.

puerileuwaite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Top cat said...

I think charles should also be reminded that when an Idiot runs for office, Idiots will vote for he/she feeling they will be fully represented in their Idiotism.:)
*takes bow and sits in window*

snowelf said...

I had to keep stopping my reading during the Idiot Question because I was laughing so hard!!
Reese's...mmmm...I have to forward that answer to my cute friend jeff who is a Reese's connoisseur.

I can always find something cute to spend money on, if you need help let me know. ;)


SOOO true, Tc. SO true...

Kanrei said...

The last two elections I would say it was the idiots counting, not voting. I mean Gore won in 2000, but somehow the person with the most votes lost. Bad counting.

Thanks for the answer, but it didn't help. I think singers got it wrong. What do they fear from Mondays? Its not like they have a 9-5/m-f gig.

Charles said...

So what you're saying about the Reese's is that men should forget the Fanny Farmers on Valentine's and just buy a bag of Reese's?
Darn it, now I'm going to have to Feng Shui my apartment? This isn't going to be easy. I think meditation is fine for us, but perhaps we should consider medication for the idiots, especially the evening before and the day of the elections. Is there any pharmaceutical companies that can handle that kind of volume though?
You know what would be an extremely funny stunt to pull? During the Republican National convention have all the available short buses pull up to the entrance and wait for the people exiting. Hahaha.

Roxan said...

The whole "chad" episode was laughable. I'm thinking the entire time why don't they just vote again.

Serena Joy said...

Hi, Lee! I've been remiss, too. I swear I'm going to do better about keeping up with everybody as soon as I get back home.:)

Puggy, you'll be happy to hear that nobody's gone Postal on the Intercoastal yet. Of course, the day ain't over.:)

Yes, TC! You called it just right.:)

Not to worry, Snow -- I found PLENTY to wantonly spend money on today. I should be ashamed but I'm not.:-)

I think your logic is spot on, Kan. That's pretty much what happened.:)

Yes, Charles, I think that must be what I'm saying. After I said that, it occurred to me that a man can never go wrong with Reese's. Love the short bus idea. LOL.:)

That's the $64,000 question, Roxan. Why, indeed?:)

Hale McKay said...

The only problem with that election besides the "chad incident" was that there were two equally bad and undesirable candidates running.

This upcoming election looks like it'll be the same.

"The man (or woman) who would make the best President, doesn't have enough money to run."

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Oh, but wait -- you said dogs. No. No, you can't.

I LOVE that! The funniest paragraph ever written, I'm pretty sure.

G-Man said...

Yes, I agree, THE funniest paragraph ever written!!!

Dear Miss Begotten,
Can you get too much of a good thing?

Palm Springs Savant said...

Green is for me too. lots of positive energy

Serena Joy said...

Yeah, I think you're right, Mike.

Why, thank you, Greeny. I'm so glad that tickled your funny bone.:)

And thank you, too, G. To answer your question, the short version is NO! Maybe Miss Begotten get into the nitty-gritty details next Friday, maybe she won't.:)

Green is good, Rick.:)

Pink said...

You need a fan? Won't we, your adoring servants, do?

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Pinks. Why, yes, I think that would do admirably.:)