Friday, August 10, 2007

Miss's Mailbox

Here's what popped up in Miss Begotten's mail this week.

Dear Miss Begotten,
The name/word Goth -- is it short for Gothic or is it Gosh with a lisp?
~ Charles

Dear Charles,
Well, goth, I'm not sure. Let me shimmy into my nicest black outfit and think about that for a second. Okay, here's what I have deduced. If a person dressed in black and wearing black lipstick emotes some angst when he says Goth, he's probably making a statement. If, however, someone who looks like Elmer Fudd's twin says it, you may safely assume he lisps and might be saying his version of gosh. Does that make any goth-darned sense to you? We might logically take the question to the next level -- what exactly is meant when someone says Visigoth?

Miss Begotten,
Who cares that I care?
~ Mona

Dear Mona,
Is that a koan? No, in all seriousness, before I could answer such a question I would need to know what the "care" in question refers to. I would need to know who "who" is. I should probably know why you need to know. I would absolutely insist on knowing why you care about this because ... I care.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Why does my boyfriend lie like a dog?

Dear Bewildered,
Dogs don't lie. Ever. If your boy-toy can't tell it like it is, you might want to use the more genteel term, "He lies like a rug!" You might also wish to shoot him, but I would have to recommend against that for legal reasons.
*(Recommendations are not legally binding.)

Dear Miss Begotten,
Does he love me, I wanna know,
Can you tell me if he loves me so?

Dear Doo,
Duh. Honey chile, if you don't have sense enough to figure that out your own self, ain't nothin' Miss can do for you. Oh, doo-duh day.

If you have a question for Miss, let's hear it. Maybe she'll answer it, maybe she won't. Only she knows, and even that's not always a sure bet.

Words Gone Wild are apparently suffering from heatstroke because they are pure-dee fried today and gave TWISTED LINGUISTICS a real run for the bail money.

We all have come accustom - These are just people who no longer pay attention when froggie comes a-courtin'.

hardley - We believe this is porn terminology. We don't know; we've never read porn. You probably haven't either, huh?

hussling - Pimping hussies?

brightem - Get those lights on!

diffently makes me feel - This is some doofus saying something about feelings. Thank God, she's not singing it.

refinded older women - When middle-aged men rediscover their high school sweethearts.

whatsoeverd - Uh-oh, we think some body part got cut off. With a sword.

to entince someone - That's very nasty and you should never do it until you're married.

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

P.S. I'm feeling really lethargic and heatstricken today. Wouldn't one of my boy-toys like to take me dancing or ... something?


ThatGreenyFlower said...

Ok, SJ, this was a great post. Love the letters, love the twisted linguistics gone wild, love the quiz.


Dear Miss Begotten,

Can the Candyman? Really?

Sincerely, TGF


And this, all so very true of me:

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!


Woo-hoo! *waves Freak flag*

Kanrei said...

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

So happy you are back.

Serena Joy said...

Why, thank you, dear Greeny. And thanks for your question for next week's Mailbox. Miss will give that some diligent pontification, you may be sure. I see that you and Kan scored the same on the quiz. I think this one's a winner, because I do see those traits in both of you. You both rock, and I would love it if you'd tell me where to get the freak flag. I want one!

Kan, I am happy to BE back. Any day I'm not dead is a damn good day.:-)

Kanrei said...

I got my flag at the Flag Wholesale Center. It is in the Flag Depot building right there in the Flag District. Just follow the flags.

Roxan said...

***Your Personality Profile***

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

Serena Joy said...

I have a nonexistent sense of direction, Kan, but I'm going to try to find the Flag District so I can get my freak.

I see you found it okay, Roxan. Can I call you if I get lost?:)

Kanrei said...

I am really bad at dancing, but if you are feeling down just name the place and I will meet you there.

leelee said...

~Your Personality Profile~
You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.
Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.
You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.

A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.
You are good natured and people enjoy your company.
You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

I've been a bit of a lurker this has a way of interfering with my blogging time...hate when that happens..have a great weekend!!

Serena Joy said...

I'm a pretty spastic dancer myself, Kan, but what the heck, let's give it a whirl. Why don't you meet me halfway between here and yonder?:-)

Leelee, your profile suits you perfectly! You ARE very nurturing. You have a wonderful weekend, too.:)

Charles said...

Okay, it was your question, now you have to run with it. Just be sure the sharp edges are pointing away from you and keep a wide berth between yourself and anyone else as you run. :D

Serena Joy said...

Oddly enough, Charles, the one thing I do well is run with scissors. Of course, they're pretty dull. And, well, they're those paper scissors with rounded tips. Not really that much of a challenge when you get right down to it. LOL.

Roxan said...

I'm not sure what I found.

Hale McKay said...

...take me dancing ... or something...

You mean it has to be one or the other and not both ?

Part 2 of "Her Cups Runneth Over" has been posted as promised for Fri 8/10. You can pick up where you left off HERE.

MONA said...

serena.. I must grant it to you.. you do catch the subtlest of nuances, no matter how wayward they might seem...& I see that you DO care...

aah ko chhahiye ek umr asar hone tak/ kaun jeeta hai teri zulf ke sar hone tak
[ sometimes a sigh need a whole lifetime to register , who knows I might be dead by the time your strand grows back to fit in with the rest]

aashiqi sabr talab aur tamannaa betaab/ dil ka kyaa rang karoon khoone jigar hone tak
[Love asks for patience.. yet desire threatens to overspill..which color should I give to my heart before it bursts and turns red with blood]

hum ne maana ke tagafful na karoge lekin/ khaak ho jaayeinge hum tum ko khabar hone tak
[ granted that you might not be ignoring me all in all, but just to make you know how I feel, I might have to turn myself to ashes...]

Ghame hasti ka asad kis se ho juz margh illaj/ shama har rang mein jalti hai seher hone tak..
[ what is the cure for painful self except death, I think my morning will come only after I have burned like that candle, till my end]

Serena Joy said...

One often leads to the other so, yeah, both works, Mike. Do you have your dancing shoes on?:-)

Serena Joy said...

I don't miss much in the way of nuances, Mona. Sometimes it can hurt, because "knowing" can be painful. I suppose it's better to know than not, though; ignorance isn't necessarily bliss. But I digress. Who the hell wants to be so heavy on a Friday night, anyway?:)

Those writings are beautiful. Are they yours?

Camille Alexa said...

I'm not a boy, but could play at toy, why are you heart-stricken? I'll take you dancing! I dance a smattering of East- and West-Coast Swing, Cha-cha, Mambo, a teensy bit of Tango and Samba (not well enough to count, really) and a bit of the Foxtrot. What's your pleasure, Treasure?

Serena Joy said...

Heatstricken, Camille, from days on end of relentless heat. LOL. But heck, yeah, you can take me dancing. We can put on saucy dresses and Tango and Samba, even if we're not very good at it. The boys will be standing around drooling, guaranteed.:-)

Lee said...

What happens is Mith Begothen geths a lisp?

Sling said...

You are happy, driven, and status conscious.
"You want everyone to know how successful you are.
Very logical, you see life as a game of strategy.

A bit of a loner, you prefer to depend on yourself.
You always keep your cool and your composure.
You are a born leader and business person."..

Where's the part where I'm easy on the eyes,and I hardly make a mess?..Hmmphh..

Diesel said...

I thought people lie and rugs lay. Or do people get laid on rugs? Damn, I'm confused.

puerileuwaite said...

My correspondence school Prof says that the Visigoths were a war-like horde of Optometrists with a vision for ruling Europe.

Serena Joy said...

Lee, when Mith geth a lisp, she haf to wite posts on mith-busting.:)

I guess those traits would be in the special nuances section, Sling, at which these quizzes suck. But not to worry! Miss pronounces you easy on the eyes and mess-free.:)

Diesel, people can get laid on rugs, presupposing one of them doesn't have a bad rug laying on his head and nobody lies that it looks good. It's a fine line.:-)

Puggy, thanks for confirming my long-held suspicion that those wild-eyed Optometrists are plotting world vandalism and domination.:-)

G-Man said...

You have Boy ToyZ?

Do They Dance?

Dear Miss Begotten...

..."Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight"

(What Movie is this from?)

Serena Joy said...

Galen, Galen. Honey, ALL girls have Boy ToyZ. And yes, they do dance -- and all sorts of other interesting things -- although their main job is to tirelessly wave huge, plumed fans during heat waves.:)

Batman said that, and Miss will answer the question in due course.

Camille Alexa said...

oh. heat.