I have to go to court Wednesday to testify against the Neighbors From Hell whose landlords are attempting to evict them. I don't want to go. I think I'd rather French-kiss a toad. I have to, though; i.e., I got subpoenaed. What the defendant doesn't know is that the good guys have a secret weapon: all three female witnesses testifying against him are redheads. The defendant will never know what hit him. It will be a total conflagration, with him as kindling. By the time we get through with him, he'll be crying like a little girl and whining for Midol. As much as I dread it, it might actually turn out to be fun. Of course, as unholy hot as it is, there's always the chance that he could spontaneously combust before he ever gets to court. The whole concept of spontaneous combustion fascinates me in a weird sort of way. There are those whose hair on fire I'd pay to see.
I have to say I may think twice about complaining about unruly scumbags again. The guy didn't know who all might have complained about his obnoxious behavior, but after court he will. And he's the type to do something. I may need to line up a few bodyguards.
FUN WITH TWISTED LINGUISTICS
liers - Instrument wielded by a demented dentist.
write under a non-de-plum - Do not write under plum trees.
I have one plastic fork ... one bowel - This refers to an unfortunate deformity. Don't fork the poor guy.
These, I'm clueless about. Any ideas?
|You Should Spend Your Summer at the Beach|
You're a free spirit who is always thinking of new ways to have fun.
And you don't just love summer... you live for it.
So, you really should blow off your responsibilities and head to the beach!