Thursday, June 21, 2007

She Said -- Huh?

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I'm thinking of running off and becoming Amish. But that's a tale for another time and another place...

What I actually wanted to talk about today is the alarming rate of bulimia among bovines. Unfortunately, I'm not supposed to say anything about that until the secret, highly classified research is complete. And far be it from me to incur the wrath of Homeland Security. Or FEMA. I fear FEMA more. I'd hate to be tried, convicted, and sentenced to live in a small white trailer at the back of beyond and forced to hunt with Dick Cheney on the weekends.

Mercury is in retrograde and giving lots of people fits. I myself haven't noticed any adverse effects. Of course, that could change were I to pop my head out of my hole and look. Notice, I said no adverse effects. Things are happening, to be sure -- some perfectly awesome, some unholy freaking weird. But still mostly good. I'm thinking that perhaps Mercury likes me, maybe even looks out for me. I could be wrong about that. I was wrong. Once. There's still plenty of time for Mercury to come crashing down on my head and take me out in a blaze of glory. It wouldn't surprise me overmuch. Or bother me. Nothing much does these days.

I think someone famous once said you should wear red during these bad retrogrades. I don't remember who. But that was in another country, and besides, the wench is dead. I look hideous in red anyway. I'll just have to take my chances with pink, blue, yellow. Black.

It's possible that the heat and humidity have fried my brain early this year. That usually doesn't happen 'til late July or early August. It's been a strange June. Somebody turned off the heat last weekend and it got chilly enough for blankets. And then, voilà, like magic -- or Voodoo, or something -- it was boiling hot again. And there is no surcease in sight in the immediate future.

It's gonna be a long, hot summer. Move over, Mr. Faulkner, and make room for me.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS, which are yours today to do with as you will.

First, from our "editor" --

I past it on to everyone

And, moving on --

milliom dollar
I disagreeistant
the textile experience of running my fingers over it

Sometimes, it's all black and white.

Your Uncommon Name Is:

Teofila Delila Jowett


Liz said...

You do sound just a little brain-fried, Serena. Leaping from the Amish to cows with eating disorders to mercury, which, for some reason, I think to do with thermometers and weight loss, I associated with the metal.

I look okay in red.

Serena Joy said...

It could be Heavy Metal poisoning, Liz. If you can wear red, better put it on for the next little while. Better safe than sorry.:-)

Roxan said...

***Your Uncommon Name Is:***

September Elizabet Beegle

Gotta change my last name. Maybe Murphy? LMAO

littlebirdblue said...

(n.) the resulting beverage when lemons, sugar, and cold water are stirred into a tall glass of Serena Joy.

Serve over ice, 'cause she's cool.

Trée said...

Ooooh, a double treat; white blouse and toe nails too. Have you missed me? ;-)

Serena Joy said...

I don't know, Roxan. Beegle's kind of cute.:)

Oh, good one, LBB. LOL. And I'm definitely better with ice these days.:-)

Sorry, Trée, the white blouse was yesterday. Work pictures run a day behind b/c of a demon-possessed office computer. Of course, everyone missed you.:)

Rain said...

My Uncommon Name Is:

Getrudis Evita Opitz

ha, ha, ha!

Take care of you and stay away from the cows :0)

Corn Dog said...

My uncommon name is:
Ardelia Lamonica Rustin

Loved the picture today (or rather yesterday), very stylish black and white.

When anyone says "Mercury is in retrograde" I always think of the Mercury automobile that looks similar to a Pinto. Mercury has new cars, I'm sure, but I'm stuck in the 70's. Maybe I'm in retrograde. I can't even say my uncommon name. My eyelid is twitching and has been for 6 weeks. Is that worse than wishing to be Amish? The Amish do have something about them. I think mostly is the bread they bake. Or is that the Mennonites. I know when I lived in TN, I used to drive up to Kentucky and buy bread from them and it was well worth the trip on the backroads. I bought bread, lottery tickets and beer. The Mennonites would complain about the Amish coming over and using their phone.

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Rain. I think I might lose the Getrudis, but Evita is mondo cool. And don't worry, I'm doing everything in my power to avoid cows. Mercury makes those things crazy.:-)

CD, I LOVE your new name! It would work for anything from a famous author to a stripper. Not that I suspect you of harboring a secret desire to take up stripping. I'm just saying you "could."

I get eye tics, too. My stupid eye looks like I'm flirting like a lunatic when I get really stressed. You ought to see the effect of that on 80-year-old men. I don't think that happens to Amish people. I can't join up 'til after the retrograde retro fades, though. I don't think they take people named Teofila Delila. I do like the Delila. Maybe I'LL be a stripper instead.:-)

Roxan said...

You just like it because it sounds like a dog breed. LOL

Lee said...

I'm wearing whatever will keep me warm at present, damn the colour! It's freezing here at the moment!

Top cat said...

wow a lot of information here.
The thought of a cow sticking a hoof down it's throat is alarming and quite gross.
Of course with all the hormones, anti-biotics and pig parts put in their feed, I think I'd want to throw up too.
Not a big milk drinker but I've just switched over to New Horizon Organic milk.

Have you ever noticed how everyone in those old black and white movies are all wearing the same colors?

Your Uncommon Name Is:

Jarod Porter Longwell

tfg said...

I have a sneaking suspicion that Hg is your friend.

Serena Joy said...

I don't like milk much, either, TC. And now that I know what those cows are doing with their hooves, I may never drink it again.

That is weird about the old movies. Apparently, they didn't know much about color coordinating outfits back then and decided to stick with safe black & white.:-)

T, don't forget, I'm under the influence of Mercury. There's a little fog swirling around in my head. Who/what is Hg?:-)

Serena Joy said...

I'd almost trade seasons with you, Lee. It's blazing hot here. Crank up the heat and stay warm.:)

tfg said...

Mercury, silly.

Serena Joy said...

"Ohhhhhh!" she said, slapping her forehead and knocking herself out.

Babe, I flunked chemistry. Big-time.:-)

G-Man said...

Serena.....Oh My!

What an elegant picture!
Thank you so much for that portrait of Class!
Your mani-pedi accessorizes perfectly..
And your trademark smile always makes my day!!

Serena Joy said...

G, you perhaps wouldn't say that if I were to confess that only when I went to grab a shower tonight did I realize that I'd worn my unmentionables inside out all day. So I won't confess that.:-)

Corn Dog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Corn Dog said...

OH, I find that particularly annoying - inside out unmentionables worn that way all day long. Sincerely Ardelia Rustin and my middle name is Lamonica like Harmonica but with a La.

I think I could really use this name if I could only remember it. Or what if I got amnesia and woke up and that was the only name I could remember. But now I sound too much like an old Bonanza episode. You know the one were Little Joe gets glanced in the head by some stray bullet, has amnesia and thinks his name is Lamonica. He goes into Pa's closet and puts on a red dress he finds in there. Pa claims it was something Hop Sing was ironing and Hop Sing declares Pa is a cross dresser. Pa tries to punch Hop Sing but accidentally punches Little Joe restoring his memory.

Serena Joy said...

My dear Miss Ardelia Lamonica, that IS particularly annoying. You'd think females experienced at wearing this stuff would notice the shiny side out at some point during the day.

I've never had amnesia -- but I'd like to. I'd also like to see that episode of Bonanza. I could learn a lot from cross-dressing Pa as I pack for the Amish deal. With Little Joe laid up with the head wound, maybe he could sew me some Little House on the Prairie dresses. Maybe I could take Hop Sing with me because I suspect somebody on the farm is going to be expected to cook. Or maybe Hoss will come in drunked up and they'll all punch each other out. Then I could steal Pa's dresses and Little Joe's stilettos -- and maybe some chaps and spurs just for fun.

Corn Dog said...

LOL, okay you win. Your rendition is way funnier than mine. I did not realize you were really going to Amish land. I think it is advisable to get all liquored up there as there will be nothing else to do.

G-Man said...

You mean that little cotton panty liner, was on the outside all day?
(I'm picturing in my mind)

Serena Joy said...

Yeah, I'm running away with this guy named Amos -- or maybe it's Abner, who the hell knows -- who likes horses and is scared of electricity. Amish just seems the way to go. Um, CD, do they have Amish liquor? LOL.

Serena Joy said...

Well, G, we weren't going to mention the panty word, but yeah, that's pretty much the picture of what happened. Thank GOD I didn't get in an accident today. :-)

Serena Joy said...

Oops, I had that bass ackwards -- it was shiny side IN, dull side OUT. Duh.

G-Man said...

You Mean on your...

Serena Joy said...

Yup, on those, G. Sounds scary, huh? I blame it on Mercury poisoning.:-)

G-Man said...

Too much canned tuna?
I'll shut up...xoxox

ThatGreenyFlower said...

You are so totally adorable, SJ! I love the pics.

We're broiling here, too. It feels like August. Think of me, won't you, as I sand the deck and wipe my son's goopy, drippy ears. (Do you think it's possible that his brain is melting and running out through his beautiful new ear tubes?)

seranade - like marmalade, but different!

prespective - when you peer forward in time and have a whole new outlook on things.

milliom dollar - what happens when Liam wins the lottery? (I was really at a loss for this one. Forgive me.)

geneology - the study of Gene

lanscape - your local area network

I disagreeistant - I am so drunk I can't talk.

definetely - those pivotal moments in television sit coms--you know, the ones that define the genre.

the textile experience of running my fingers over it - how it felt to touch that big bolt of tweed at the fabric store.

Oh, and Serena, you weren't by any chance wearing a brassiere, too, were you? One that accentuates your decolettage? (Just trying to help G-man find his...uh, bliss or whatever.)

Honey, I'm like a bad penny. I'll turn up again just as soon as I get my new name picked out.

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Ok, I had to try 10 times before I got a name I like:

Avril Mahalia Opitz

My friends call me Mahalia.

MXI said...

We are having a very wet spring/summer so far,after a few drought years I guess it's good.
How are you CY?

Serena Joy said...

I actually blame it on tinfoil, G. I had it wrapped around my head right, but apparently those cheap brands just don't get the job done.:-)

Greeny, you're adorable.:-) I wouldn't worry about brain seepage in the little one. Sometimes it really is just goopy ear stuff.

You did a great job with the "words!" I'm particularly taken with "geneology." In fact -- look out! -- it's given me an idea. What about starting up a whole Gene cult? The theme song could be that old Pink Floyd song -- "careful with that axe, Eugene!" You think?:)

Of course, I had on a brassiere, though the decolettage looks the same whether you put it on backwards or frontwards. I never wear it inside out, though, because I've learned that it won't hook inside out.

Avril Mahalia, your name is just darling.:-)

Hey, MXI. You ought to pop up more often, even if you are on sabbatical. Folks miss you, you know.

Charles said...

Tin foil? You must have been brought up with that term, as was I. I have never even seen real tin foil or tin cans. I wish tin foil were still available. There are some pretty cool things that could made with a good source of tin.
It's all aluminum foil now, maybe that's why it didn't work, not enough poison getting into your system. I'm also familiar with other terms like icebox, instead of refrigerator.

Serena Joy said...

I know, Charles. These are hard, hard times when all the foil is aluminum. Tin is easier to say, though. Alas, it is sadly lacking in the magical properties that protect us from the evil rays.

My grandma had an icebox. When she upgraded to a refrigerator, she continued to call it the icebox.:)

cocaine jesus said...

my name is llessur keel? blimey, maybe sounds better than cocaine jesus!!

Serena Joy said...

Cheers, Mr. Keel! I'm afraid I can't say Llessur without keeling over. Or thinking of David Leisure:-)

Charles said...

Funny, it makes me think of peas.

Charles said...

Mine did, too. That's where I learned it (my Granny), took a long time to unlearn it, just like a lot of other things.

Charles said...

Heck, she insisted the world was flat, because that was the view in the bible. What do you get when you only went to grade school?

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Charles. I don't care much for canned peas, but those are nice ones.

My granny didn't think the world was flat, but she did have some mighty peculiar ideas.:-)