There’s a bedding store in New York that sells top of the line mattresses. Their best seller goes for $49,500.00. What?! At that price, I’d expect to be able to live in it. Even if I could afford it, had more dollars than sense, I wouldn’t shell out for that.
TheCarConnection.com asked its readers to send in some of the best excuses they've used to get out of traffic tickets, for which the winners received some extremely nice prizes (including GPS systems). These were the first, second, and third place winners:
"I am a funeral director, the law does not bother a hearse on the highway at any speed. But this one time I had a time to be at an out of town crematory, and I was in a van, taking an unembalmed body to be cremated and he got me at 90 mph on the Interstate, when he stopped me and asked what was my hurry, I said, 'Brother, I have to be at a crematory in an hour or I'll miss my appointment time and they will be closing for the weekend.' He said, 'So ...' I said, 'Take a whiff in the back.’ He stuck he head in the side window and jerked it back out and said sir hurry along and be careful."
"I was driving along one day minding what I thought was my own business, and kind of daydreaming. I must have gone a little faster than I should have and was pulled over and stopped by a state police officer. My husband is a former police officer and told me how he always let someone go if they could tell him a reason for speeding that he hadn't heard before. I knew I had to think quickly because he was now approaching my door. He advised me that the reason he was stopping me was I had exceeded the posted limit by 15 miles over. I looked him in the eye and asked him sternly "Do you have any idea what I did to the last cop who stopped me for speeding?" He looked a little shocked and began feeling more cautious. I said, "I married him." I believe he is still laughing, he just walked away and said slow down, have a nice day. I was so pleased that for once my husband told me something that would really work."
"Vehicle pulled over for speeding at approximately 04:00. When approaching the vehicle the driver asked me if I knew Officer Westberg. I told him I did. He then went on to tell me how he was Officer Westberg's buddy, and he (Westberg) wouldn't be happy knowing I was giving one of his friends a ticket. I asked him how well he knew Westberg. He said that they have been close friends for years, and even showed me Westberg's business card. I told the driver to wait in his car, and I would check to make sure his license was valid. It was, so I wrote him the ticket for speed. When I gave him the ticket, he asked me why I didn't let him off with a warning, since he was Westberg's friend. I told him Westberg doesn't have any friends and that he should look at the name of the officer on the ticket. There neatly printed was WESTBERG. The driver stared at the officer's name on the ticket for probably 15 seconds, then looked at my nametag, and saw it spelled out Officer Westberg. He told me that a buddy of his always dropped officer's names, and since he had received my business card in the past during some type of event, he thought it was worth a try. He paid the ticket."
A couple of the runners-up:
"We were going to a Sports Car Race in an MG TC on a rainy night when we were stopped for going a little too fast. The officer approached the left side of the car and asked for my driver's license and disappeared into the wet dark night. A few minutes later he came back and slipped me a ticket through the flap on the removable side weather shield. I said, "Officer, I am not the driver of the car." With that he shined his flashlight through the front window and saw my friend sitting behind the right side steering wheel. I stuck the ticket through the flap and he took it. Disappearing into the rain we saw him drive away soon afterward."
"My sister-in-law was pulled over one day for speeding and she said to the passenger with her "O dear God don't let him give me a ticket" the officer came up to her and as he was looking over her driver's license the call came over the radio that the church down the road was on fire. He jumped in his car and told her it was her lucky day. My sister-in-law said "God you did not have to go to that extreme."
"And finally, from his entry, we can't tell whether this excuse got the reader out of a ticket, but you have to admire anyone who would simply tell an officer, 'Time is money.'"
----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----
After nearly six months of suffering from one bout after another of what we shall politely refer to as cystitis, I finally figured out what was causing it. Duh, Dummy! It was my bubble bath. After I switched to something different, made with sea salt, the problem has all but disappeared. Thank God for blessed relief.
The North Carolina State Bar has added ethics charges to a complaint filed against the d**kheaded Durham County prosecutor, Mike Nifong, who brought sexual assault charges against three Duke lacrosse players. The new charges accuse him of withholding DNA evidence and making misleading statements to the court and could result in his removal from the NC State Bar.
We have Twisted Linguistics for you today. Well, of course, we do. Duh.
reinterate - Burying the reeking carcass in an aerated hole. Again.
omputer - An all-knowing machine.
Sodum - Just another way of telling them to "Bugger off!"
book of council - Tome chock-full of a town's rules and regulations.
comany – State of nirvana reached by virtue of having many comrades.
legimate – What the girl with the long, long legs did to the South.
vociferous hunters – Hunters who never bag anything because they can’t shut up long enough to fire.
shinny – Describes a freshly shaved front portion of a leg.
What’s your taste in music?
|Your Taste in Music:|
90's Alternative: Highest Influence
Classic Rock: Highest Influence
80's Alternative: High Influence
90's Rock: High Influence
Alternative Rock: High Influence