Do you work out of a home office? About 8.25 million Americans do. When it's hard to maintain a professional image with kids crying, the washing machine overflowing, and the dog barking just when you're trying to take an important call, you might want to get out of the house and into an office. If that sounds like you, you might be interested in the Home Office From Hell contest sponsored by Office2Share.com. It's looking for the funniest Top 10 list of reasons you want to escape your home office. The winner will receive a free office for a year, a trip to New York for lunch with George Ross of "The Apprentice," and a nice assortment of Dell office equipment.
Enter by 31 March 2007 at www.offices2share.com/contest.
The winning entry for 2006 came from Jason Weishonse of Ancient Geek in San Francisco:
1. I have to yell "Phone!" really loud when the phone rings to make sure all TVs and radios get muted so I can answer it.
2. I have started to refer to my pets as employees.
3. My customers are starting to think there are a lot of dogs around my office because my dog always barks when I pick up the phone.
4. I have started answering my home phone with my company name.
5. I had a crazy subcontractor threatening to come to my home to pick up his last check instead of waiting for the mail.
6. It's WAY too easy to go to work on my day off. It's Saturday at 11 p.m. and I'm entering a contest to win office space.
7. I'd rather watch Oprah at 4 p.m. than do my billing.
8. It's hard to cram 10 computers into a spare bedroom. Although I don't need to turn on the heat in the winter.
9. When potential clients hear that I work out of my home, they respond with: "Oh, so you're not a REAL business."
10. When FedEx wants to deliver a package, they want to know if it's a home or office. I always answer, "Yes."
I’m confused about something. There’s a piece of horrible prose being posted in installments on a particular message board, something touted as "perhaps a 'sting manuscript,' perhaps not." I recognize the material, and I was incensed when I first saw it. I know who is doing it. I don't know why. The back story is this: A couple of years ago, I was one of a group of writers, all of whom were unhappy with the same publisher. One of us had a “right of first refusal” clause in her contract. That meant that she was obligated to submit her next book to this publisher. To get her out of it, some of us got together and wrote her a very bad “book” to submit and be summarily rejected, thus satisfying her contractual obligations. It was a very funny allegorical story about that publisher. What’s now being serialized on that board is that “book,” or the bare bones of it, anyway.
The title has, of course, been changed, as have the characters’ names, and what looks to be a great chunk of the text has been drastically rewritten. Permission to use any of my contributions was never obtained and it angered me that this piece of deliberately badly written and misspelled drivel should ever see the light of day in any venue, never mind that it looks very different. I recognize it. And I’m still not happy about it. The knots in my knickers, however, are coming undone as I see the reactions of other posters on that board.
The piece is in a forum of threads all pertaining to that particular publisher. The comments are never complimentary of that publisher; in fact, they’re oftentimes downright caustic. They have no clue what this "thing" is or for what purpose it was written. So, what is it that would prompt a clamor to remove the whole thread because it’s nasty, insulting, derogatory, yada yada yada? A couple of days ago, I would have been perfectly happy to see it yanked, because I wasn’t informed and because I’m certain there’s some hidden agenda. Now, I have to admit to a morbid curiosity about why pots are calling kettles black. Will they boil over? Stick? Tarnish? Burn? Stay tuned, as the pots roll.
Any time I think things can’t get much stranger, they do, and that is the truth as I know it.
Words Gone Wild have gone hog-wild today, wallowing around in Twisted Linguistics and having themselves a high old time.
reaks – Very smelly holes in the roof.
discription – What someone’s medication looks like.
appocolypse – A popular Caribbean dance now being seen in Acapulco.
bearing my soul - Picking up one's soul and carrying it somewhere else.
quesions – Skin lesions that make you nauseous to look at.
I get asked this question a lot. At long last, a definitive answer is revealed. So, what planet are YOU from?
|You Are From Mercury|
You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.
You probably never leave home without your cell phone!
You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.
You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.
Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.