Monday, December 04, 2006

Of Pork and Princesses






It's coollld today. Brrr! Yuck. This is nothing, though. There's an Alberta Clipper coming this week. Double yuck.

It was freezing at work this morning. Friday was, of course, hot. Consequently, somebody turned off the heat and then left for the weekend without remembering to turn it back on. My boss said he didn't do it -- but he had one of those little guilty grins on his face when he said it.

He sometimes will scribble down on a scrap of paper salient points he wants to make in a letter he wants me to write. I had one of those this morning. He wanted me to write adverse counsel in a divorce case (who always rides our butts over tardiness) about some documents we requested quite some time ago but have never received. I had no problem with that, but he also wanted me to say, "Don't blame your tardiness on age. I've known you for over 30 years and you've always been an SOB." I told him I wasn't sending that, whereupon he laughed and said he just wanted to see if I was paying attention. Yeah, right. He'd have loved to have sent it.

A Vermont couple sued over the shooting death of one of their beloved dogs, shot by a farmer with a BB gun. The farmer was charged with and convicted of animal cruelty. The couple later sued, and they prevailed insofar as damages for "property loss." They subsequently filed a civil suit for emotional distress, but a judge ruled that there is no provision in Vermont law that would allow them to recover damages for the loss of the dog's companionship or for emotional distress.

The couple plans to appeal to the state Supreme Court, and I hope they win. Companion animals are part of the family, and their loss is devastating, especially when it happens violently and for no reason.

"What we're trying to do is expand the law to recognize that the companionship between a dog and its owner is such that the owner is entitled to compensation" when that relationship is destroyed, said an attorney hired to help with the appeal.

In other animal news, actor George Clooney's pet pot-bellied pig died Friday at the age of 20+ years. Presumably, he died of old age. One can surmise that this was one pig who lived like a prince. R.I.P., Max.

When Roxan wrote up the list of Words Gone Wild she'd found and I added in my finds, I immediately saw the nebulous concepto for a short Twisted Linguistics story.

The words:

concepotualy
gusy
whone
princesds
I call back latter
big cliper ship
Ok, got tired of ussing that pic of my with the loti
feret in the cage
my favorie book
familure
some idot in a caprice
fliped
inpoud and, eclosed
sudenmly
vacume of
supsed
It is like he has took
monotary
publically

The story:

One afternoon, a bunch of princesds decided to gusy themselves up and go for a ride. One of their number didn't go because she couldn't be reached. She was out sailing on her big cliper ship, but she said, "I call back latter." She never did, and some of the princesds whone, but they went on without her.

There was a lot of princesd talk in the car -- about familure, about one's feret in the cage that had no monotary value but she supsed she liked it anyway. One talked about her favorie book, because she didn't like to do that publically. Another one bemoaned the loss of her favorite photographer. "Ok," she said, "I got tired of ussing that pic of my with the loti but all his other work was good."

Moving on down the road, some idot in a Caprice sudenmly fliped them off for no reason and yelled some mean words at them. Quite rightly, they took great offense to such a lowlife, untoward action. Concepotualy, they simply couldn't understand it. But these girls didn't live in a vacume of naïveté and they knew just what to do.

"It is like he has took leave of his senses," one of the girls declared.

"Taken," another of the girls corrected her grammatically challenged sister princess.

"What?!"

"He has taken leave of his senses," grammar girl explained.

"Oh, took you," sister girl chided with a gusy grin. "Whatever. You get my drift. But that's okay. We're going to clip the lout's wings."

They called the police on their princesd cell phone and whone so convincingly about the lowlife's bad driving and threatening behavior that it was guaranteed that the Caprice would be inpoud. They said they supsed he was drinking, too, which ensured that the bad driver would wind up eclosed in a jail cell overnight. The world is full of stupid, hateful, piggish people but princesds know how to handle them.

9 comments:

RexZeitgeist said...

Ha....all the hateful, pigish, people and they forgot to turn the heat back on....

WHAT A DAY!

Serena Joy said...

LOL. It pretty well sucked with everybody wearing coats in their offices 'til the place heated up. But hell's bells, it was a Monday. Good stuff never happens on Mondays.

Southern Writer said...

My sister's heat was out, too. It was 50 degrees when she woke up. Lucky for her, she got to go to work. Unlucky for Daffy cat, who had to stay home.

I really really really really really hope the dog owners win. It would set a precedent in this country. Did you know that in my state, there are NO laws to protect domestic animals? We're the only ones. You can go to jail for killing livestock, but you can torture a dog or cat and nothing will be done about it!

In Mississippi it is illegal to fight dogs, to fail to provide food and water to dogs, and a felony to maliciously cause injury to livestock. However, there is currently no prohibition against mutilating or needlessly killing a dog or cat. For example, in late 2004, a woman reported that her ex-boyfriend cut the paw off of her Persian cat in anger, but no charges were brought in that case. If I had been that woman, the guy would be missing something more than a paw. In another case, a puppy was tied to a truck bumper and dragged to death. F**king rednecks. In yet another, a puppy was thrown into a fire. Our congressmen have voted in favor of the protection of dogs and cats ZERO times. It's absolutely shameful.

http://southernwriter.livejournal.com/10953.html

Hale McKay said...

It's sad just how many stories you hear and read about when it comes to animal cruelty. There are some real sickos out there!

Once again, good job on making a story out of those misspelled words.

Also LMBO

Steve G said...

When military families leave Germany to return to the states, some of them abandoned their pets. I hate to see that. They could give them to the German animal shelter, but it would probably cost them a few dollars.

Rain said...

I am happy to read that you care about animals, how terrible for those people to find their dog shot like that. I bet George Clooney gave his pig the best life he could.It sounds like you work for a lawyer. I guess it could be good or bad depending on the lawyer. I would rather go to the dentist than my lawyer, but that's just me.

Serena Joy said...

I hate stories of animal torture -- and there are entirely too many of them these days. There should be stiff penalties for these atrocities EVERYwhere. I just don't believe the people who do this stuff to innocent creatures that can't fight back are fully human. How could they be? And I guarantee you, if they'd do it to an animal, they'd do it to a person without much hesitation. It just makes me sick.

Kanrei said...

Heat can be turned off? Why am I hearing about this for the first time? It is hot as hell in Florida most of the year. I thought it was something I had to deal with, but now you are telling me I could turn it off? HOW!?!?!?

You should have sent that quote. Or even better not send it, but tell him you did.

Serena Joy said...

Kan, I'll tell you how to turn it off when you let me in on how to keep it going. Deal?

Heh. I would have sent it, except that wasn't the only choice quote and you sort of needed to see the rest to get the full benefit of that one. If the boss gets disbarred, I'm out of a job. LOL.