Saturday, October 28, 2006

Saturday Snippets and Snipes + Twisted Linguistics



There's a wild wind blowing through these mountains today. With grey skies and howling winds, it's a perfect day to kick back with today's lineup of scary movies on the SciFi channel. Old ones; classics that can scare the bejesus out of you while leaving the worst of the gore to the imagination -- not that horrid slasher stuff. I don't see how people watch some of that bloody junk. Or why they would want to. Or how some people aren't irredeemably warped by it. It all boils down to personal tastes, I guess.

If any of you read over at Rex's Pub the story about that gruesome New Orleans French Quarter murder, you might be interested to hear that it's back in the news. It's now being featured in Quarter tours for the tourists. Sheesh. If you didn't hear about it, it was truly horrific. A man killed his girlfriend in an apartment above a Voodoo shop in the French Quarter. Apparently, dead wasn't dead enough for him. He dismembered her and cooked her head and limbs, leaving the torso in the refrigerator. Leaving the grisly pots of parts on the stove, he then went out and jumped to his death from a hotel roof.


From "Time," Pink Floyd

The tolling of the iron bell,
Calls the faithful to their knees,
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.


From "Time Waits For No One," Mick Jagger & Keith Richards (The Rolling Stones)

Yes, star crossed in pleasure the stream flows on by,
Yes, as were sated in leisure, we watch it fly,
And time waits for no one, and it won't wait for me.


I'm thinking about Time because the time changes again tonight. It's the end of Daylight Saving Time, and we set the clock back an hour before going to bed tonight. I hate Daylight Saving Time -- loathe it, revile it, despise it with a passion. It's -- it's unnatural. Twice a year, we have a time change to contend with. Around the time my internal clock finally acclimates to the change, it's time to change again. The time is what it is. It's absurd to mess with it, if you ask me.

I have a question for the Beta Blogger people. You know when you log in, there's this little box to check that says "Remember Me"? Well, why bother to check it?! It's senile. It remembers nothing. I'm having to log in every second or third time I access the site. Fix it, please, because it's annoying the crap out of me. Trust me, that is never a good thing.

And, what would the Saturday before Halloween be without a teensy little Storytime With Twisted Linguistics?

Today's cast of stars and extras:

seeling
recive
udertand
octanganal
aparnetly
cocain adicted
figiured
motle
neosynephron eg: authetnicity


THE EXERCISEIST

One dark and stormy night, a cocain adicted movie motle lay in the octanganal room where he was held captive and screamed at the seeling.

"How am I supposed to be seeling movie tickets when I'm locked up in here?!" he lamented. "Bring me a Coke!"

"Shut up," replied an aparnetly disembodied voice, "and give me fifty sit-ups. And no Cokes for you from now on." Since the motle could see no one, he figiured his room was wired to recive Voices From Beyond.

"I'm hungry!" the motle complained.

"Someone will bring you some neosynephron egs after you've done the treadmill for half an hour."

"Are they real egs?" the motle wondered aloud.

"Don't worry about their authetnicity," The Voice said. "They're healthy for you, no fat, no calories. Just eat them. You'll be glad you had them about halfway through your 2-mile run."

"I don't like exercise," the motle whined. "I don't udertand. Why am I here?"

"Your etnicity is in question," The Voice explained. "See, you may be possessed by a Ling rather than a Cive twice removed. You're getting a real deal here -- spa, gym, and exorcism. Also, you are suspected of being a neosyne who hasn't read Nora Ephron. And you place too much faith in Cokes and not enough in Tang. You waste too much time writing free press releases to plug your mindless drivel. People think there is something wrong with you and they took up a collection to bring you here in hopes of saving your soul. Plus, you need to lose a few pounds in order to save your butt as well. So, be quiet and move a little to your left so the holy water can drip on your head. I am going out to the barn to check the cow's uders. I will perhaps bring you back some milk to go with your egs."

"This is kidnapping!" the motle protested. "I will see you adicted for this! Your tangy orange butt will fry for this, you -- you October gorilla!"

"Oh," said The Voice. "Boo. Boo-hoo. Oh yeah, and out, out, damned demon. Or whatever."


Lastly on this Saturday, please send your good thoughts Roxan's way. Her mother passed away this morning.

14 comments:

Steve G said...

You are the hardest working woman in Blog land. Good stuff.

Serena Joy said...

I appreciate it, Steve. Just don't tell anybody I work as little as I can get away with. It'll be our little secret. :)

Oh, man, I am insulted. WordVer just called me an oldgfifg.

RexZeitgiest said...

I hate it when that happens...

Yea, that guy took the term grillfriend to another level....what a sicko.....

Yesterday it was rainy, wind, and wet....today the sun is shining bright....Hope you are having a good day Serena!

Hale McKay said...

Aha - malapropisms! I love them. I'm a big fan of Norm Crosby.

I left a comment at the end of part four of your story at the other site. It's rather lengthy.

Great post.

Serena Joy said...

Yea, that guy took the term grillfriend to another level....what a sicko.....

Yeah, I guess he did turn her into a grillfriend. Ugh!

Hope you are having a good day Serena!

Thanks, babe -- you, too. I think we had your day here yesterday -- lots of rain. None today, but the wind is insane.

Serena Joy said...

Hail, Hale, and thanks for your nice comments. I love malapropisms, too. They're too much fun to leave 'em alone; you just have to play with them.

RexZeitgiest said...

Sorry for your lose Roxane.....

Serena Joy said...

I'm not sure if she's online this evening, Rex, but I'll pass that along to her. She'll appreciate it.

Peter said...

Hi Serena Joy, thanks for the visit to holtieshouse, from your sidebar I had worked out that you got there via Steve G but then I find Hale McKay in the comments box so now I'm not sure.
As an ametuer slueth I'm also guessing that Serena is derived from Serene??

Serena Joy said...

Hi, Peter. You're right, I did start out from Steve G's place. I visited you, and Hale, and a number of other sites. It was a long blog cruise. I love humor, so I've bookmarked you and Hale both.

Um, there are days when I'm fairly Serene. Other days, not so much. LOL.

Kanrei said...

How can you go from a murder suicide to Pink Floyd? lol

Serena Joy said...

Some unkind people have dared to suggest that I have a little bit of a warped mind. You don't think it's true, do you? LOL.

There was a bit of a Pink Floyd link there, though, slim though it may be. Remember that off the wall song of theirs, "Careful With That Axe, Eugene"?

Kanrei said...

Or the great "One of These Days" whose real and full title is "One of These Days I'm Gonna Cut You into Little Pieces"

Serena Joy said...

Heh. I don't think I know that one.