Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Night of the Living Dread
I laid down on the couch this afternoon for a 20-minute nap and had the strangest experience. I must have fallen deeply asleep, because I must have dreamed. About what, I don't know, but when I awoke my eyes were wet. Whatever I dreamed had already brought on tears while I was still sleeping. I don't know what it was, but I awoke to an overwhelming sense of deep, indescribable -- what? Sadness? Grief? Despair? I have no idea. I had no choice but to lie there and bawl it out for a few minutes, and then it was over. I'm not much of a weeper. It takes a lot to coax a tear out of me. Whatever was in the dream must have been some humdinger. Whatever it was, was a fleeting aberration. I feel fine now.
So, onward. 'Tis the season, so we're going to have another Halloween-themed Storytime With Twisted Linguistics found around the Web today.
The words in the cast:
In the mean time
the mnadre is gone
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DREAD
If you've already read the pre-quil, be ashured that you'll still be surprised. This is going to become one of your actualu all-time favporites, way better than the orriginal.
There was this band of dead, deasembled and disintegrating people. They were sad because their orriginal villion had dissolved into a puff of dust and gone over to the Light Side. They would sit around all night, just weeping and beating their breasts (which wasn't a good thing to do in their condition, because the beating made parts fly off) and repeating, "The mnadre is gone, the mnadre is gone." Best anyone could figure, the mnadre was their mother figure. The Madre. They may have been Spanish Undead.
Now all this happened in the mean time, not the nice time. One night, they were bored and they decided to take a lanturn and go out in publiuc. They put on thiungs and proceeded to the Waldern Books at the mall. The Departed One had always liked to read, so they were hoping for a mnadre and child reuinion in the Voodoo aisle. They hot-wired and stole a ussed car with a bitchen sound system to get there.
Customers were ussuly huvering near the coffee counter in the rear of the store, talking polticts, so nobody noticed when they first came in.
And then someone caught a whiff of the smell. And looked up. And screamed. Which caused a veritable stampede of screaming and running and pure, unadulterated dread. Some of them commenced to vomity, especially when the gruesome band of aprently dead zombies began eating alive those who hung behind because they couldn't run very fast.
The carnage stopped only when a film crew, also wearing thiungs -- sequined ones -- and dreads, showed up and promised the zombies they were going to be stars someday. The zombies were ashured off to Hollywood, where they starred in their very own movie and went on to make a couple of sequels. You just might be able to catch them on TV this weekend. We hope they don't makee you vomity.