Miss Begotten is one of my pet names for myself, for Southern Gothic reasons best kept to myself. Miss Begotten tries to speak plainly, but sometimes she tends to babble -- parenthetically, of course. It's never my intention to offend (and usually that's true - except on those [maybe not so] rare occasions when I mean it very friggin' much) but it sometimes happens, so if you're unusually easily offended...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
HaulButt Cards
I've been shopping for a nice selection of greeting cards for Skank Girl. I don't think I've mentioned to you guys what the occasion is. I got a raise the first of the month. It was only $1.00 an hour, but every little bit helps and I was glad to get it. I just found out last week that by whatever hook or crook, Skank Girl managed to get herself a raise of FOUR dollars an hour, so that she now makes the same rate I do. And she earns this for having no legal knowledge whatsoever, doing as little as she can get by with, and stealing from the boss. She did it (stole) again recently and Baby Lawyer and I know it, but the boss is protecting her for some unholy reason.
All of this, and so much more, is why I've declared war and open season on the ho. So, I'm looking to buy her cards to express my sentiments but not finding what I want commercially. As much as I admire and respect Hallmark, they're not going to be able to help me out here. Therefore, it looks like I'm going to have to make my own. And what I need from you guys today is a little help. I'm wide open to suggestions about what the cover picture should be, what would be an appropriate inside message and, if it's a sound card, whose voice and/or music would be most irritating. I'm not much of a graphic artist, but I think I can render whatever you all come up with. And Skank Girl will love it! And if there are words of more than two syllables, she won't have any idea whether she loves it or not. And ... if your card provides the impetus for her to haul butt, I will be in your debt forever!
Just a little card of thought. To a child of Skank, From the Devil wrought. Your ass is wide, You have an infested Cooter, You should own stock... In Roto-Rooter!
I can only hope, That in the end, Your gash will bleed And Never mend!!!
Dang Sherry, did that come out of me? You inspire me so....:P
Frank Zappa once wrote a song called- Camarillo Brillo. It might just be the musc you are looking for. When I first heard it as a teen, it was about the only thing that could make me think of a girls as undesireable...in fact it still does. Shudder
Good heavens, Galen, never mind SG, that scared ME! If I was the inspiration, I need to haul my butt off to a very serene retreat deep in the Zen Mountains so I can reform my thought processes. I don't want the stupid twit moaning and crying all over me. I just want her gone.:)
I have no speakers on my computer here, NYD, so I'm going to have to wait 'til I get home to give Zappa's tune a listen. I'll look it up, listen, and let you know whether I think it'll do. Regarding your post-script, not to worry, hon! I NEVER, EVER, BUT NEVER arrest my friends' Words Gone Wild.:)
A card that, on the front, holds a "as far as the eye can see" herd of crotch crickets.
On the inside, it reads something along the lines of "SG: your fans of the Abnormal Snatch-n-tackle Choir, wish you a Merry Exit! And stop scratchin', dammit, we like it here!"
Just a little card of thought.
ReplyDeleteTo a child of Skank,
From the Devil wrought.
Your ass is wide,
You have an infested Cooter,
You should own stock...
In Roto-Rooter!
I can only hope,
That in the end,
Your gash will bleed
And Never mend!!!
Dang Sherry, did that come out of me?
You inspire me so....:P
Frank Zappa once wrote a song called- Camarillo Brillo.
ReplyDeleteIt might just be the musc you are looking for.
When I first heard it as a teen, it was about the only thing that could make me think of a girls as undesireable...in fact it still does. Shudder
please, please forgive the typos and do not add them to your twisted linguistics section
ReplyDeleteGood heavens, Galen, never mind SG, that scared ME! If I was the inspiration, I need to haul my butt off to a very serene retreat deep in the Zen Mountains so I can reform my thought processes. I don't want the stupid twit moaning and crying all over me. I just want her gone.:)
ReplyDeleteI have no speakers on my computer here, NYD, so I'm going to have to wait 'til I get home to give Zappa's tune a listen. I'll look it up, listen, and let you know whether I think it'll do. Regarding your post-script, not to worry, hon! I NEVER, EVER, BUT NEVER arrest my friends' Words Gone Wild.:)
Something smells shitty
ReplyDeleteIn the city
When you enter the room.
A gray cloud follows
As you walk the hallows
With a noxious fume
You have parts
That smell like farts
Oh how they loom.
hehehehehe...Roxan!
ReplyDeleteSorry about using the word Cooter Sherry. But there is nothing Elizabethan about her Quim!!
That's going to make an excellent greeting card message, Roxan. Now, how can I get a picture of a noxious, gaseous cloud for the front?:-)
ReplyDeleteNYD, I've now listened to Camarillo Brillo and I concur. It will drive her insane! Yes!!:-)
It's okay, Galen. But I can't use any Elizabethan words around her. She'd think it was a foreign language.:)
A card that, on the front, holds a "as far as the eye can see" herd of crotch crickets.
ReplyDeleteOn the inside, it reads something along the lines of "SG: your fans of the Abnormal Snatch-n-tackle Choir, wish you a Merry Exit! And stop scratchin', dammit, we like it here!"
That should work admirably, Skunk. Now -- where am I going to get a picture of a crotch cricket?:-)
ReplyDeleteWell, you know a source where they live in abundance... ;) Or I'll email you one...
ReplyDeleteI guess you're gonna have to, Skunk, because I ain't getting close enough to SG for photos.:)
ReplyDelete