TGIF

Here's where I wish I was today, with or without Tweety.



I'm sick and tired of Winter and I demand the return of Spring forthwith. I don't care that there hasn't really been that much Winter around these parts this year. A few days is plenty, thank you very much. I have rights. I have the right to step outside without risk of being whisked up by hellish winds and blown over the rainbow. I have the right to travel to and fro without having to bundle up like the Abominable Snowman's love child and dodge errant snowflakes and ice pellets. I have the right to sleep in something light and pretty, unhindered by multiple blankets. I have the right to spend more than a few minutes not hunkered in by a heat source. I have the right to unchapped lips and skin. I have other rights, too. I know I do. I demand my rights. I want to see May Day and green grass and colorful flowers and trees with leaves very darned soon. I mean it. Somebody had better do something about this or there will be hell to pay.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS has a few Words Gone Wild for you, and then we're calling it a week.

Gran Damme - A grandmother who puts on airs and then curses.

underpriviliged - Lying on the ledge beneath the privet hedge.

manking - Gender of a male monarch.

opinins - Sharp, pointed little object used to affix your opinion to the bulletin board.

phenominal - A performance enhancing drug that actually doesn't do much.

The Thursday Q & A

I'm not going to grill you too intensely today. I'm not in the mood, and neither are you. Just answer the following and you're off the hook for another week.

1. How in love are you right now?
(a) Intensely
(b) Somewhat
(c) Not at all

2. Is the person you're in love with a perfect match for you?
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) I haven't a clue

3. Are your and your lover's thoughts on just about every issue in sync?
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) I don't even know what that means

4. Are you and your lover so attuned that you can finish each other's thoughts/sentences?
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) Why would we want to?

5. How many times during the day do you think of your lover?
(a) A jillion times
(b) A dozen times
(c) Once or twice

And now you're invited to take this little quiz to ascertain which super hero you should be dating.

Meme Me

Meme Rules: You may answer the questions in the Comment box (in which case, please copy in the questions and supply the answers so readers won't have to go back to the post to see the questions), or you may port the meme to your blog and tag your readers if you wish.

If you were (for some unfathomable reason) one of each of the following, which one of each would you be?

1. A waltz
2. A Big Band tune
3. A funky pop song
4. A 1950s rock 'n roll song
5. A movie soundtrack song
6. A children's song
7. A 1960s rock song
8. A heavy metal song
9. A punk song
10. A gospel song
11. A love song

Please give today's Words Gone Wild your best shot. There's not a thing I can do with them, except that I think radiculous may refer to the despicable practice of ridiculing radishes.

truley sorry
espisode
radiculous
bloddy
taudry
accoubtant

Pink Rules

As you may have guessed by now, pink is my favorite color. I love all things sparkly and pink, and a lot of things that aren’t necessarily sparkly but are nonetheless pink.

Some pink things I like:
lCherry blossoms
l Bubblegum
l Diamonds
l Balloons
l Soap
l Cotton candy
l Champagne
l Strawberry ice cream
l Bubblebath
l Nail polish
l Lipstick
l Roses
l Little baby pigs
l The sky at dawn

Some pink things I don’t like so much:
l Bubblegum that I’ve stepped in
l Undercooked meat
l Skin blotches
l Cars
l Tomato soup
l Stockings
l Pink-hued “rainbow” in my coffee
l Slips from employers
l Pills
l Britney's wig

Still, all in all, I love pink – in all shades and all gradients of sparkly.

I saw a cool license plate yesterday. It was TAYNTED. I'd like to have that for myself.

Wanna talk about Words Gone Wild today? TWISTED LINGUISTICS sure does, albeit TL is unable to makes heads or tails of them. Care to see what you can do with them?

alrenate
arrove
carcus
elemantary school
I hate title-ing things
nobel cause
receieve
liers
opinated

GIGO Grammar:
Don't try to infringe your beliefs upon others.

Leapin' Lizards Frogs Years

The word "leap" puts me in mind of little green lizards -- leaping. Or little green frogs -- playing leap-frog. Leap Year, alas, has nothing to do with frogs or lizards, more's the pity. I've never quite understood the whole concept of leap years, or grasped how it is that sometimes February contains 29 days and sometimes it doesn't. I'm very glad I wasn't born on February 29th. Had I been, I'm sure I'd have no idea how old I am today.

So, let's try and figure out what Leap Year actually is. In short, the Gregorian calendar has both common years and leap years. There are 365 days in a common year and 366 days in a leap year. That extra day, properly called an intercalary day, becomes February 29th. A leap year is necessary every four years in order to synchronize the calendar year with the solar year; i.e., the length of time it takes the earth to orbit the sun, or 365-¼ days -- less eleven minutes. To compensate for that deficiency, three times every four hundred years there is no leap year. For that reason, a century year cannot be a leap year -- unless it is divisible by 400. To further confuse you, the years 1700, 1800, and 1900 were not leap years, while the years 1600, 2000, and 2400 are.

Confused? Join the crowd. And I repeat, I'm glad February 29th isn't my birthday. I'd be way more confused than I already am on an everyday basis.

To add to your confusion, TWISTED LINGUISTICS has picked up some Words Gone Wild for you to contemplate.

deodarant - Anti-perspirant for daredevils.

convieniant - Deviant cons vying for position.

alful - Everybody ate too much and now they feel terrible.

reputal publisher - That which purports to be the reputation of PublishAmerica. Pew!

dis-allusioned - Passing reference to a bad review of a PublishAmerica author.

visions of grandure - Sentiments seen on the PublishAmerica message boards.

going out of their ways to slender you - Reference to PublishAmerica methods of lightening your wallet, such as libel suits.

SJ's Twisted Chapel

We're going to view a rather odd little piece of video from Rev. Bob this morning. If you have any type of clue whatsoever what it means, please, the floor is wide open for discussion.



Have a wonderful (ha-ha, you thought I was going to say "happy," didn't you?) Sunday.

Light Sabers and Tampons

After a week of coughs and sniffles, a full moon, and the threat of giant snakes, today just seems like a Monty Python kind of day to me. Comic relief. Yeah, that's what we need around here.





Have a Happy Saturday! *Disclaimer: Every time I say "have a happy" whatever any more, I think of those tacky, vapid commercials for feminine hygiene products that exhort women to "Have a happy period!" Yeah, right. And that reminds me of my latest peeve with feminine hygiene products on parade on TV. It's the one attempting to guilt women into buying a particular brand of pad to help young ladies in Africa. The claim is that the young ladies in question are missing a week of school per month because they have no feminine hygiene products. Puh-leeze! I'm pretty sure that ever since the first woman had her first period, women have known what to do about it. You can make a pad out of leaves if you have to. Women always have it covered. And then ... they invented tampons. Trust me, nobody's missing a week of her life for lack of a particular brand of pad. Duh.

Snakes On My Blog!

Heads up, all of you who might be Yankees. I forgive you all for absconding with the mule and the family silver all those years ago, and this is to inform you that I will be moving north and seeking sanctuary in your territory post haste. And what, you ask, has brought about this hasty retreat? Snakes! That's what.

According to recently released U.S. Geological Survey maps, thanks in large part to climate changes that are warming up the country, giant Burmese pythons are now in a position to populate one-third of the USA -- from San Francisco, across the Southwest and Texas, through the South and north to the Virginia coast. These things can grow up to twenty feet long and weigh 250 pounds. I don't want to be here when they come. I am not remotely comforted by the fact that they are non-poisonous. Why should I be? Knowing that they coil themselves around their prey and crush them to death before eating them whole sounds much worse to me than any poison ever invented.

Federal agencies are gathering data about nine invasive, mostly Asian species of big snakes in Florida, concerned about the danger they now pose to endangered indigenous species. And they've expressed both surprise and concern about the snakes' northward trek.

Burmese pythons were introduced into the US as part of the pet trade, and wild specimens were discovered in the mid-1990s in the Florida Everglades, probably released by owners who no longer wanted them. By 2003, it was abundantly clear that the snakes were breeding in the wild. Florida immediately began regulating their sale and ownership, but it may well be too little, too late. And the problem is no longer confined to Florida. For example, a bunch of the creepy crawlers/chokers were released in Arkansas.

Authorities advise that if you see one, don't attempt to engage it. Duh! I'm scared of snakes, and I'm not a bit ashamed to admit it. I have a really hard time spending time in the same county with one, and I've been known to squeal like a little girl and run like hell at the sight of a little bitty garter snake. I can't even imagine how upset I'd be (and ballistic I'd go) if I were grabbed in a chokehold by a giant hungry mutant snake way bigger than I. Isn't there a bit of atavistic snake dread in all of us? After all, the old-timey prophets decided to call the devil a serpent. There was a reason for that, you know. They were scared of snakes!

You Are Fairly Normal

You scored 65% normal on this quiz Like most people you are normal in some ways... But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too! Why You Are Normal: When you're in a car, you prefer to be the driver You would rather be pale than tan You prefer fiction to non fiction If you had to, you rather live without music and still have laughter You think fishnet stockings are trashy Why You Aren't Normal: You would not eat meat from a cloned animal You prefer flat potato chips. You know a little about many subjects You rather screw someone over than be screwed over You prefer a good nap to a good meal

What's Normal About You... And What's Not?

How would you like to write me a snake limerick today?

TWISTED LINGUISTICS swore out warrants today for this motley crew of Words Gone Wild and threw their butts in jail.

naerly - Something so narrow it's nearly gnarly.

My gramar is also bad - Oh, gee, do you think?

souvenier - Sous-chef who doubles as the wine steward and also mans the gift shop.

stardome - The place where bad actresses go to sober up and take acting lessons.

funerial - Dressing up in bright clothes and going to a carnival for purposes of shedding your funereal mood.

The Thursday Q & A

Your regular Thursday Inquisition is back today.

1. Do you wear a hat in cold weather?
2. How many sweaters do you own?
3. When was the last snowfall in your area?
4. Would you rather drive in snow, sleet, or freezing rain?
5. When was the last time you ate popcorn?
6. Do you have a fireplace?
7. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?

73%

Lets101 Quizzes - Quizzes For Fun

Meme Me

Meme Rules: You may answer the questions in the Comment box (in which case, please copy in the questions and supply the answers so readers won't have to go back to the post to see the questions), or you may port the meme to your blog and tag your readers if you wish.

We'll be playing with a musical meme today; i.e., lines from songs you'll probably recognize. Each song lyric, because it contains the word "if," poses a question. Finish the line in your own unique way by answering the question, however you choose. You can go mushy if you want, or zany or classic or Punk or Goth -- or just go crazy if you want to. The world is your shrimp oyster today. The curtain is rising. Everybody on stage!

1. If I had a hammer, I would...
2. If I loved you, you would...
3. If ever I would leave you, there would be...
4. If a picture paints a thousand words, why...
5. If everyone cared and nobody cried, there might be...
6. If seeing meant that you would have to believe, then you would...
7. If I ain't got you, baby, I might as well...
8. If only you could see me now, I'll bet...
9. If you could read my mind, love, I think...
10. If loving you is wrong, I don't want to...
11. And if I were like lightning, I could...

If you're a Words Gone Wild junkie, TWISTED LINGUISTICS has your daily fix.

gentalman - This is one of those combo words which breaks down to "gentle, tall male."

big choise - Large crock of bok choi.

I am a Swiss allien - Not suitable for use in a grilled cheese.

upgrated - The proper way to shred cheddar, or the way the hot air flows from the furnace.

vise virsa - Another use for husbands. *(You may need to know a little Latin to get that.)

Pixies and Boogaboos

This little Pixie is the newest member of my family, my nephew's 4-month-old daughter. Isn't she a doll?

Here's a choice tidbit for conspiracy theorists. Thousands of documents have turned up in a safe in a Dallas courthouse relating to the 1963 assassination of JFK. There are bona fide documents and pieces of evidence, and then there are some highly debatable documents consisting of such things as purported transcripts of conversations between Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald planning the assassination. Those documents have already been dismissed as nothing more than portions of a movie script. Allegedly, then-Dallas D.A. Henry Wade had contracted to make a movie about the assassination. That does beg the question why, if such were the case, Wade never made the movie and the movie props were locked away in a safe with legitimate evidence. Hmmmm. That's a conundrum. And a potential boogaboo.

Here's another question: why does Blogger's Boogaboo spell-checker no longer work?

These are my newest glasses, the ones I'm keeping.








Oh, and then there's this -- adorable wind chimes I got for Valentine's Day. I love frogs!



















And these characters are a felonious gang of Words Gone Wild rounded up by TWISTED LINGUISTICS today.

dessert island - Piece of cake rising from a sea of milk, often featuring caramel cliffs and cherry-strewn beaches.

we received your signed contract back in our officer - Okay, let me see if I can sort this out. I believe that what happened was that an author signed a contract, then sued for breach, and court personnel used it for toilet paper.

And these are for you guys to try, convict, and sentence:
acctually
compalint
frivilous
basicly

GIGO Grammar:
family for he/she to grow up in
Her and me went to the writers conference.

Some of the more, er, odd Google search terms I've seen lately:
Haitian voodoo chicken bones
anatomically correct rubber chickens
sum teet
her belly button sticking
pronography

She Said ... What?!

I have a lot of stuff to do today; more specifically, stuff that I've already put off for too long. Even stuff must be done, though. Sometime. Sometimes I find myself saying about this, that, or the other, "I can't do this any more. I don't want to do it." And then I ask myself, "If not me, who?" Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep on plugging along. Until you don't. And after that, it doesn't matter any more anyway.

I'm having a holiday from work today. Why does it seem as though every time I have a Monday holiday, I lose the Sunday before to a wretched headache? My yucky cold is still hanging on, but maybe it'll be outta here in another day or two.

It rained last night and it's kind of cold today. I don't like that much. I guess I like it better than badgers and shrimps, though. (You) don't ask, (I) don't tell. Unless the shrimps are on the barbie. Those are good. Y'all can send me shrimp recipes if you want to.

If you've read this far, I guess you've figured out my secret by now; i.e., this is a post about absolutely nothing. Annoying, isn't it?

Speaking of annoying, how would you like to annoy the hell out of some Words Gone Wild today?

acroos
baileywick
adjent
psychologicla
top knotch
I knoe
querry
bullentin
dicrepencies
sunusitis

Badgered

Badgers! Yay!! Badgers are cute. Kind of gives you pause to think that something so cute can rip your face off in two seconds flat if you piss it off, though, huh? Moral: Be kind to badgers today! Sing to them, dance with them, play with them, and ... keep them calm. If you screw up, don't worry. I believe Rev. Bob is standing by with a one-day special on Last Rites.



Tell me, now: if you had your own personal house badger, what would you name it? I know what I'd call mine, just before I choked its scrawny neck.

Wishing you an excellent and most sparkly Sunday, my babies.

Afterword

I am pleased as punch that I now have my evil hoodoo computing machines back up and running. I don't know what happened, but I know that between continuously running virus scans, sanitized ISP software, and changed passwords, the crisis is over. Hallelujah. Oh, and my muscle injury and cold are better, too. One more day of all that stuff lumped in together and I'd have been ready for the proverbial padded room. Which I still wouldn't turn down today because I hear it's exceedingly restful in there. Anyway...

Sometimes I'll hear a song and, without catching the title or the name of the artist, be completely captivated by it. I heard such a song last night. It took a little Googling to determine who and what it was. This is it. Let me know if it affects you the same way it did me.



Have a lovely Saturday, kids.

Cupid on Duty

Cupid, draw back your bow and let your arrow go
Straight to my lover's heart for me, for me
Cupid, please hear my cry and let your arrow fly
Straight to my lover's heart for me.
("Cupid," Sam Cooke)

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. I hope your lovers (for better or for worse) are being sweet to you today. Cupid (that little cutie) shot an arrow my way. His aim was pretty good, too. And I mean that in the best way.

In honor of the occasion, how would you like to write love poems today? You can be as sappy as you wanna be, or as erudite and disciplined as you wish. You can write in sonnets, haiku, iambic pentameter, limerick, etc. Whatever style you choose, just remember that the topic is love.

I think I'll do a teensy haiku myself.

Hot is the color
of my true love's heart -
Supernova red. Y


The TWISTED LINGUISTICS cupid is throwing arrows and other projectiles at these Words Gone Wild.

manuscript that I've mal in - It's an eeeeee-vil book. Burn it!

I can't bare it - She won't take off her clothes.

Forgive me, but this batch just begs to become Story Time.

saddend
duaghter
the pron business
liesiban
regestered sex ofinder

I am so saddend to announce that my liesiban duaghter, formerly my girl child, the regestered sex ofinder whose lies I ban, has now entered the pron business. When I heard she did a dua scene, I re-rude-gestered. Pron me for a prude, but this is a sad end. Agh!

And that effectively put the kibosh on poor Cupid.

Your Love Song Is

You and Me by Lifehouse "Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do Nothing to prove And it's you and me and all of the people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you" For you, love is very intense and a little difficult to express.

What Love Song Are You?

Meme Me

Meme Rules: You may answer the questions in the Comment box (in which case, please copy in the questions and supply the answers so readers won't have to go back to the post to see the questions), or you may port the meme to your blog and tag your readers if you wish.

1. When it comes to housekeeping, are you:
a. Compulsively, neurotically clean
b. Casually neat
c. Slatternly

2. Regarding the walls of your home, are they:
a. White
b. Beige
c. Very colorful

3. If you were required to complete an artistic project, would you choose:
a. Painting a picture
b. Drawing/sketching
c. Sculpting something
d. Writing a story

4. If you decided to get a dog for a pet, would you choose a:
a. Tiny dog
b. Small dog
c. Medium-sized dog
d. Big dog

5. If you suddenly and miraculously developed the ability to play a musical instrument when you never could before, do you think it would be:
a. Piano
b. Guitar
c. Violin
d. Trumpet

6. Would you rather go to the:
a. Dentist
b. Proctologist
c. Gynecologist
d. Psychiatrist

7. If you had your choice of vacation spot, completely gratis, would you pick:
a. A tropical island off any continent
b. A big European city
c. A big city in South America or Asia
d. A mid-sized American city
c. A small Eastern European village

8. Would you rather eat:
a. Kumquats
b. Kiwi fruit
c. Passion fruit

9. Which kitchen appliance would you be most reluctant to give up?
a. Dishwasher
b. Toaster
c. Microwave oven
d. Coffeemaker
e. Blender

10. Do you do your housework clad in:
a. Sweats or jeans
b. Short skirt and fishnet hose
c. Pajamas
d. Nothing

TWISTED LINGUISTICS dares invites you to define these Words Gone Wild.

thise
kjow
reveiews
hagher
wonam
exscuse
approprate
sayting
you can at least gleam a few things

It's All About You

I'm really tired and really busy today, and while that's usually no excuse for not blogging, today I'm going to use it. Instead of my writing some half-assed something, my blog is your platform today. The blog will be comprised strictly of your comments today -- whatever you wish to say, about anything you please, totally stream of consciousness. Run with it, be creative, and have fun.

Monday. Again

Happy Monday to you. I trust you had a good weekend, albeit I don't know where it went; there just didn't seem to be enough of it if you ask me. I got my (second pair of) new glasses Saturday. That was a surprise. They weren't supposed to be in until Thursday. I like the frames better. I'm not yet ready to concede that their efficacy is improved.

I'm having an unexpected out-of-town guest this afternoon, and unanticipated social obligations -- proof positive that, yep, it's Monday

I spent the weekend in a state of gradually decreasing pain from a pulled muscle, result of an unfortunate stretching incident. That thing hurt like a mudderwucker. My activities were severely restricted, but that's okay -- I had books. I read one that I can highly recommend -- "Falling," by Christopher Pike. Kirkus Reviews calls it "Literary crack cocaine." I concur. If you're looking for a fast-paced, suspenseful read, you should get it.

I think I'll just take my pent-up aggression out on a few Words Gone Wild today.

blurberries - Fruit for the dazed and confused among us.

badmitten - A game for which you don evil gloves to play.

govnorment - Government of the morons, by the morons, and for the morons.

politiocians - Sea-going pirates candidates for public office.

weither - That means they don't want none, neither.

committiment - What a whole hell of a lot of idiots need.

negitive speach will sell more books then not - Want to guess which publisher this "author" is with?

Serena's Twisted Chapel

You will be thrilled and amazed this morning as you watch Rev. Bob put on a healing, never mind that it's on a ukelele. Not that I'm contending that ukeleles have no right to a healthy life. Hold off on the contentious mail because I am fully cognizant that ukeleles, tomatoes, hubcaps, artichokes, suspenders, iPhones, and all the rest of God's creatures have beaucoup rights. And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go call up the Bob Line myself and see how much a small healing would set me back.



Peace, love, joy, yada-yada; i.e., have yourselves a wonderful Sunday!

Valentine's Day...

...from another perspective.Y




Sounds like that fellow might have gotten burned a time or two, huh? I thought he was funny, though.

Ahhh, yes -- as the Hallmark Day of Love approaches, we see love (or something like it) springing up and turning cartwheels all over the place. And to ensure balance, we're bound to see more and more of the clueless making fools of themselves. Yes, before all is said and done, it's going to get ankle-deep and we'll have to resist the temptation to slap them silly. What's that you say? A little cynicism rearing its head? Nah! I do think Hallmark needs a whole new line of cards, though, for the slightly less than well informed.

Speaking of uninformed, how about these Words Gone Wild?

devine - De ting dat Tarzan swings on to get to de Jane.

epitat - A fitting capper to a love affair that never was.

narutal - A kind of love that cannot exist in the natural world.

writier - One who comes up with the kind of expressions of love that Hallmark will never buy.

Interactive Thursday

17

Because some of you have reported problems finding the quiz via the link in the picture, you can click this link instead. Hopefully, this will take you straight to the quiz page; just scroll down to where it says "Click Here to Begin."

As we get closer to Valentine's Day, you knew this was coming. And don't think you can escape! There will be more as the countdown progresses.

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Lets101 Quizzes - Blog Quizzes

Boy, does TWISTED LINGUISTICS ever have some mondo weird Words Gone Wild for you today.

rebutt it - To rebuild and improve the look of one's buttocks via implants.

recieved my proofa - Damn, I wouldn't admit to that in public.

influnce - That state of being which is between flux and influential.

mastakeing - Taking masking tape and chewing it.

Nowounder all the girls in your life are eather gone or theydont pay attintion to you so say wut u wana - Phrase in Swahili/Herzegovinian which translates simply to, "Get lost, creep."

physcholigist - Scholars who learn syllogisms while doing physical exercise.

deperession - "The father is the son."

Meme Me

Meme Rules: You may answer the questions in the Comment box (in which case, please copy in the questions and supply the answers so readers won't have to go back to the post to see the questions), or you may port the meme to your blog and tag your readers if you wish.

Of all the sights you've seen in your daily life over the past week, what was:

1. The cutest
2. The ugliest
3. The most beautiful
4. The most unusual
5. The most colorful
6. The most boring
7. The most exciting
8. The most sensual
9. The biggest turnoff
10. The one that had the most powerful impact on you

I have Words Gone Wild, but I'm not sure what to do with them. Any ideas?

ritch fancy buts
the judge was feed up
prioties
rhedoric

Today's going to be a real bonanza for the political pundits. And for the meteorologists. Oh, and those who keep us abreast of Pop Culture. The "political" reference is self-explanatory after yesterday. The latest buzz in Pop Culture has to do with allegations that Britney Spears's manager, Sam Lutfi, drugged her, kept her incommunicado, yada-yada. If any of it is true, one must certainly wonder how much it might have contributed to her recent breakdown. The weather is, in a word, crazy. Like, it was 74 degrees here yesterday. That's unnatural for the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia in February. States farther south were ripped by fierce storms last night and there are additional advisories up today. It's clouding up here and the wind is picking up. It might not be a bad idea to simply bivouac in and see what happens. Any of you in the path of turbulent weather, be careful!

ISO Roomies

Do you like the castle? It's Bran Castle in the Carpathian Mountains, sort of between Transylvania and Wallachia in modern-day Romania. It is not Dracula's castle; all that's left of his stronghold is a mountaintop pile of rubble. It is, however, the one that inspired Bram Stoker's Dracula, and it's for sale at a mere $135 million. I'm thinking that if we all chip in, we could buy that baby. Who in their right mind wouldn't want to live in a spooky Romanian castle with the possibility of the occasional vampire or zombie dropping in? So, who's in? Who'll be my Transylvanian housemates?

TWISTED LINGUISTICS impaled these Words Gone Wild today. I found 'em, you take 'em to the dungeons and define 'em.

doeth
dodn't
someong
previos
rerlaxing
deciet
the long trail cumulates in...
reinbursed

So, I went back yesterday to have my new glasses adjusted because they just weren't working for me. If they have to perch on the tip of my nose for reading, that ain't good. If I have no peripheral vision while driving, that really ain't good. I have better vision than that with naked eyes. Turns out the frames were too wide for my face and the lens area too short. I picked out a different pair of frames and we started all over again. Now I'm feeling more sanguine about the whole ordeal. Do I know how to have fun or what? It had to be done, though. One wants 20/20 vision when contemplating a move to Transylvania.

Serena on Aging

As I age, I see (without my glasses) many things more clearly than I did when I was young. For example:

• When an older lady accidentally belches – or worse – she need only direct an accusatory gaze toward someone nearby and raise a disapproving brow and that person is ipso facto assumed to be the guilty party.

• Aging belles may with near impunity pig out on their favorite junk food until their eyes bulge and bellies bloat because, really, who’s looking?

• Senior females may obliterate with blistering glances and caustic comments any- and everything which displeases them. It seems to be a perk of cronedom that is expected of them.

• By the same token, older ladies can get away with saying things they wouldn’t have dreamed of uttering out loud 20 years ago (when it would have been dismissed as catty). There seems to be some rule which grants gently aging ladies an almost sovereign right to “speak frankly.”

• Ladies with a little age on them have a duty to get it right. Young twits can say any kind of twaddle they want and get away with it, but when an older woman says something, she’d damn well better make sure it’s correct.

• If an older woman gets a little heavy-handed with the eyeliner, the young turks just assume unsteady hand and leave her alone. This does not mean that lipstick may be worn on the chin. That always attracts the wrong kind of attention.

• Women of a certain age don’t have to worry so much about firm abs. I mean, who the hell is looking?

• They say that ladies of a certain age should refrain from dressing too young. I don’t buy that so much. I say do it as long as you can get away with it. But remember, to do so means no lipstick on the chin and no support hose. Also, if you get those pesky varicose veins and liver spots, just tattoo them.

• Ah, yes, remembering. That does become a problem as the years pile on. I suppose that as long as you can remember your name and the way home, everything else will fall into place.

• Whatever gravity is pulling on, pull it the other way, hike it up, suck it in, and carry on. And if you find you can't reverse gravity, fake heart palpitations, set your hair on fire, shave your eyebrows -- anything to divert attention from the falling parts. And if you have to sacrifice something to retain your youthful glow, don't think twice about it. Do it. If you're in, like, a cult that reveres giant turnips or something, don't sacrifice the turnip, but there's nothing wrong with throwing carrots or hominy or butterbeans to the dogs. And just so you know, vegetable sacrifices should always be made under full moons for full power.

• When it comes to older women and younger men, I think that’s just one more of those things that, if you can get away with it, do it! In fact, why not start up a whole harem of them?

• If you want to change your hair color, why the hell not? Who do you think is going to be examining your roots at your age?

• I don't know how many of these tips apply to you if you happen to be a man. Certainly not the ones involving lipstick and support hose. Eyeliner, maybe (Johnny Depp can certainly pull it off). And not the young twits. Men, even when they're a hundred years old, like those.

I think it would be an excellent idea for you to write me poetry today -- limericks, please, on the subject of older women.

And now TWISTED LINGUISTICS is going to let a little old lady take a few pokes at some Words Gone Wild.

timeling - Just a little bitty period of time.

publising - A baby pubic louse.

frinedships - Burning one's friends.

mater de - One's mother who is named ... Dee.

Bob 'n Stuff

Why not take a few minutes out of your busy Sunday morning to listen to a few uplifting words from Rev. Bob? And I'm telling you, friends, if you don't find this inspirational, you can't be inspired. Word.





Peace, love, and all that good stuff -- and Happy Sunday. Oh, yeah, and ... go, Pats!

Bring Me the Groundhog!

*$&^% Punxsutawney Phil saw his ^#*$% shadow, which means there are *&$%*&$% six more *$#% weeks of Winter left. Stupid &*$^% rodent. Are groundhogs rodents? If they aren't, they oughta be. I'm thinking of grabbing a bigger gun than that runt's and going hunting. Six more weeks. Aaiiiieeeeeeee! Somebody bring him to me -- along with a carrot and a potato and an onion.

Dirt Cheap

$4180.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

I do believe I'm insulted by the low value of my carcass. Hmph.

I picked up my new glasses yesterday. They don't look like I remember them looking when I picked them out (but then, they never do) and they're still going to need a little adjustment, too. Inasmuch as we're having an ice storm today, I guess that'll have to wait 'til Monday.

Ice. Ugh. The trees look very pretty this morning coated in ice, but ... ugh. I can't seem to stop humming Foreigner lyrics -- Cold as ice...

I was in line behind a guy at the grocery store yesterday who was either getting ready for the Super Bowl or hunkering in for the storm. He had a case of beer, an assortment of chips and other junk food, and ... a jumbo pack of adult diapers.

There are Words Gone Wild today, but it's Friday and I am not in working mode, so -- they're all yours, kids. Go for it.

scoundrals
sporatic
sesspool
electricuted
navagate

Have a great weekend!