(Parenthetically Speaking...)

Hmph!

2012-02-01T10:03:00.000-05:00

I'm at home today. That's because at five minutes before quitting time yesterday, my boss (the younger one, not The Senile One) came up behind me and informed me that I was laid off, effective immediately. He said they "have no money." More likely, it has something to do with the fact that he left his wife to have an affair with a client and he got served with divorce papers yesterday. That's going to cost him a bundle.

This hasn't really hit me yet, I guess, since it doesn't seem real. I don't know what I'm going to do -- other than enjoy some time off for a little while, regroup, and figure out what to do next.

Happy Hump Day.

Great Piles of Junk

2012-01-31T10:03:00.001-05:00

This is one week's worth of junk mail. I not only get deluged with spam in my e-mail, but I get piles of it in my snail mail, too. For some arcane reason known only to the retail gods, companies I bought one item from years ago feel compelled to spend the money to send me a new catalogue every week. Oh, and see the blue and yellow items on the sideboard at the right? Those are extra phone books that have been dumped on my doorstep. Why do they think I need more than one? I'm not running an empire.

I don't really mind the e-mailed spam, because it's so easy to get rid of -- one click and it's gone. Somebody, however, has to bag up all that paper spam and haul it to the dumpster. That would be me. This is way more work than I want to be doing.

Spam-o-Grams

2012-01-30T10:07:00.001-05:00

The vast majority of my spam lately has been offers from pill-pushers, mostly foreign, hawking just about every drug under the sun. I mean, geez, do I look like I'm on my deathbed? Or a junkie? Admittedly, I could probably benefit from a nice tranquilizer lately, but how do they know that? And why do they think I need Viagra?

Shoot, if you want to spam me, Stupid Spammers, send me something useful -- like shoe coupons. Or great deals on hot (and no, I don't mean that kind of hot) jewelry or dresses or dog supplies.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2012-01-27T10:07:00.001-05:00

I'm tired at the end of this tough week, but I do have enough energy left to say -- TGIF!

Do the quiz -- and trust me, it ain't deep and it won't take long -- share your results, and then go have a great weekend.

TGIF!!

What Sherry Means: S is for Snarky

S is for Snarky

H is for Hip

E is for Energetic

R is for Relaxed

R is for Refined

Y is for Yummy

What Does Your Name Mean?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

Makes You Wonder

2012-01-26T10:07:00.001-05:00

I have Twisted Linguistics for you today, a bunch of words gone wild pulled from various sites, written by people who should have known better. Makes me wonder. Also makes me giggle. Some days it doesn't take much. I like days like that.

respectabilies
opponenet
theather
manditory
Firemarshall
parleigh
concscious
survelence
toxocology
they didn't fair as well
genilogical
braclet
collaborated his testimony
vett the information

My Hero - What a Cutie!

2012-01-25T10:03:00.001-05:00

The sun is out, I'm breathing, and most of my parts are working. Yep, it's a good day. And better yet, it's Hump Day. Have a happy one!

Wedding Bell Blues

2012-01-24T10:07:00.000-05:00

69-year-old Aretha Franklin recently announced her engagement to Mr. Willie Wilkerson. Today, she's announcing that there will be no wedding. Apparently, things were moving too fast.

Excusez-moi? Aretha, honey, you're 69. Time goes faster with each passing year -- and it's just going to get faster. And how do we know that other stuff doesn't slow down, rust, or crash or something exponentially each year? You know what I mean? Good grief, girl, go for it! None of us are getting any younger.

Who Needs Monday?

2012-01-23T10:03:00.000-05:00

Who needs Mondays? I guess we all need Mondays. Otherwise, we'd never get to the other days of the week. Everything has a starting point.

It's a gray, wet day; not particularly cold, albeit it started off with some freezing rain. But all in all -- yuck. Not that it matters much. I'm stuck all day in my crappy little work cubby where it's always yucky. There's gotta be a better way...

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2012-01-20T10:03:00.001-05:00

I'm glad it's Friday. I absolutely must go to the grocery store; I'm out of just about everything. After I do that, though, I plan to lie around and vegetate for the rest of the day. House cleaning and stuff can wait 'til tomorrow.

TGIF!

You Are Disturbingly Profound

You're contemplative, thoughtful, and very intense.

Taking time to figure out the meaning of life is a priority for you.

Because you're so introspective, you often react in ways that surprise people.

No one can really understand how you are on the inside... and that disturbs them.

Are You Disturbingly Profound or Profoundly Disturbing?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

Have a Lovely

2012-01-19T10:03:00.001-05:00

And enjoy the song.

Countdown

2012-01-18T10:07:00.001-05:00

One of these days, I hope to have time to stop and smell the flowers. It won't be this week. Or next. I've been working my hump off and still taking two steps backwards for every step forward. Sooner or later, something's going to have to give.

Today, I'm not worrying about it. It's Hump Day. Happy, Happy!

Whoa!

2012-01-17T10:03:00.001-05:00

Things aren't always what they seem, are they? Before we hit the road, may we always have good eyesight -- and good brakes.

Lazy 13

2012-01-13T10:07:00.002-05:00

Dang, the weather's gone schizoid again -- from near 60 yesterday to frigid and blustery with a chance of snow today. Yuck. I think I'll just stay in and make another pot of coffee. I'll probably do a few chores and a little reading, and have a nap this afternoon for sure. The poor dog is going to be bored to death because she won't be getting out much today. On the other hand, she likes having her "mom" home with her.

Happy Friday the 13th and TGIF!

You Are Having a Violet Day

You are feeling especially connected to the world today.

You are looking to gain a new perspective on life - through deep reflection and introspection.

You are taking the time to appreciate everything the world has to offer, even if you end up spoiling yourself a little.

Today is the kind of day where you demand the best. You want to be as decadent as possible.

What Color Day Are You Having?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Moon Rain and Crap

2012-01-12T10:03:00.001-05:00

I'm in a bad, bad mood today. Maybe it's Monday's moon just now hitting me. Or maybe it's all the rain that's fallen over the past 24 hours. I'm not happy about it, but it is what it is and it'll go when it goes.

How many of you subscribe to the comments from the blogs you comment on; i.e., you get follow-up comments via e-mail? If you do, then you know you sometimes get comments in your e-mail that either never see the light of day on the blog in question or get deleted by the blog owner. I find some of those fascinating! I'm funny that way, I guess.

Well, you probably saw this coming before I did. I won't be taking any more calls from Crazy Ex-Boss Lady. She hired Skank Girl back. I know this because I got a call from Skank Girl at work yesterday on one of my cases. It's hard to have any respect for someone who rehires somebody who embezzled from her not once, but two times. And this was after SG's stint in prison for embezzling from and defrauding other people. I'm sorry I felt sorry for CEBL.

Simple Needs

2012-01-11T10:07:00.002-05:00

My favorite word today is -- actually, two words. They are ... pillow, and blanket. And really, one isn't much good without the other. When the sun goes down, dinner is over, the dog has been walked, I've had a nice warm bath and smell fairly decent, and it's getting cold outside, my pillow starts beckoning me. It's fluffy and soft and, encased in its flannel pillowcase, luxuriously warm.

When I think about the quilt on top of the soft cotton blanket on top of the flannel sheets just lying there exuding warm fuzzies, I'd go to bed at 7:00 o'clock if I didn't have other things to do. When I do finally crawl in, it feels divine.

It also feels pretty heavenly when I drag my pillow and blankie to the couch for a long, languid nap on a weekend afternoon. Ahhhhh. A good pillow and a warm blanket go a long way.

Have a Happy Hump Day -- and a nap if you can get it.

She Just Says No

2012-01-10T10:03:00.000-05:00

What do you do when really weird people -- and I'm talking the kind of weird that just makes you feel icky -- follow you on Twitter and are clearly expecting to be followed in return? I have a currently favorite word, and that word is no. And by maintaining silence, I'm saying no to the weirdness.

Does my aversion to certain weirdnesses (and I do know I'm a little weird myself in a benign kind of way) make me shallow? I say no. And I think I mean it.

Twisted Monday

2012-01-09T10:07:00.001-05:00

I'm not going to complain about Monday. They happen to everybody, and everybody mans up and takes it.

The only thing I'm going to complain about today is the people who get on the Internet and write stuff filled with Twisted Linguistics. And I'm only half-heartedly complaining about that, because the damn things do make me laugh -- like this bunch of words gone wild:

ticket stubb
comming forward
impared
comprimise
miserble
pathedic
sleezy
circut
monsterous
differnent
aboue ground
freeky
deffinately
dangerouse

Defy the odds and have a great Monday!

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2012-01-06T10:03:00.001-05:00

I've got some wheeling and dealing to do later this morning. Hopefully, I'll end up with a deal I can live with. We shall see. If not... Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I sure would like to say adios to the Satan's Insane Spawn I've been working for, though.

When I get back home, I'm going to straighten up a little bit and read on my Kindle. I got a Kindle for Christmas and I absolutely love it. What a perfect invention for people who love books but who are running out of shelf space. Later, I see a nap on my horizon.

I love Fridays.

TGIF!

Connection Inspires You

You bond easily with other people. You have close and meaningful relationships.

You would do anything for the people you care about. Thinking about them keeps you going.

Your still waters run deep. There is a lot more to you than meets the eye.

You think about how your actions effect others. You act deliberately.

The Sky Inspiration Test

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Blecchhh

2012-01-05T10:07:00.001-05:00

I seem to have picked up another one of those Wintertime "bugs." Coming right on the heels of the cold I just got over, I could do without this. I'm sneezy, my nose is runny and, worst of all, I've been feeling nauseated for two days. Of course, the nausea could be a side effect of all the BS I see every day.

All I know is, I don't feel good. And I'm not happy about it. I have stuff to do and would prefer to be at my best. I'm really, really hoping to be able to pull a rabbit out of a hat any day now and tell the Weirdos on the Dark Side where they can store all their BS.

If you know any "get well" spells, you may start chanting them now.

Brrrr!

2012-01-04T10:03:00.002-05:00

It's feeling like a deep freeze here. The high temperature yesterday was 26. With the blustery wind, it felt like 12. I had a hard time getting my heat regulated last night. I left the thermostat on about 72 when I left for work, but the temperature in my apartment when I got home was only 63. I know that when there's a combination of cold and wind, my heat pump sometimes can't handle it, which means I need to switch to (mondo expensive!) auxiliary heat. It took me a while to get it set just right, but I got it.

The good news is, it'll be 40 today. Better news is that it'll be back to 60 by Friday.

And the even better news is, it's Wednesday already. Happy Hump Day!

A Little New Year's Craziness

2012-01-03T10:03:00.001-05:00

I had to work yesterday, which was the official New Year's holiday. When I got to work, I found out that the other two staff members had been given yesterday off -- except that one of them opted to take Friday off instead. Therefore, one of them got her holiday on Friday and the other on Monday. I got none. Hmph!

It was, therefore, just as well that I have an "option," bizarre as it is. How bizarre is it? You be the judge.

I had a message Saturday afternoon from my former Crazy Boss Lady. I called her back Sunday to see what exactly she wanted. It seems that Skank Girl (y'all remember her) got caught embezzling again -- $30,000 this time -- and got fired again. The Do-Nothing Paralegal quit a couple of weeks ago and took another job, so Crazy Boss Lady has absolutely nobody working for her and rather desperately tried to talk me into coming back to work for her, thanking me profusely for even talking to her and promising "no more drama." My spidey senses were telling me to "Run, fool!" But the woman actually cried twice while we were talking and I felt a little bit sorry for her, so I told her I'd come over Friday and talk to her and at least help her out on a temporary at-home basis. If nothing else, I can make some quick money by bringing home a few files and cranking out some critical divorce decrees and depositions over the weekend.

As far as actually going back to work for her, she'd have to make me a hell of a deal. If you had asked me around noon yesterday whether I'd seriously consider it, I'd have said "Yes, and I'm going right now!" Luckily, good old-fashioned common sense prevailed and I stuck it out with the Spawn of the Dark Side. I honest to God don't know how many more days I can do it, though. I must have muttered "Buttwad!" 50 times yesterday.

Monkey See...

2012-01-02T10:07:00.001-05:00

The New Year is off to a surreal start around here. And I'm talking real woo-woo freaky weird surreal stuff. More about that at a later date.

For now, Happy New Year and wishes for a good Monday!

P.S. -- I think it's ridiculous that I have to work today. It is, after all, a flippin' holiday. I'd better not see any monkey business today. I have, suddenly ... options.:)

Bring It, 2012

2011-12-30T10:07:00.002-05:00

Today, we celebrate TGIF. Tomorrow night, we ring in a brand new year. It's a two-day celebration, folks, so do it up in style!

Your Year Was a "C" Year

When it comes right down to it, your year was pretty average. It was okay.

It wasn't the best of years, but it wasn't the worst of years either. You are sort of relieved it's over though.

Here's hoping that next year is significantly better, or at least better than ever.

Remember that the new year can be a fresh start. Try to embrace the idea of starting over a little.

How Would You Grade Your Year?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

You're going to love this! I know I did. Maybe it's the Scottish in me; I practically swoon at the sound of bagpipes. And the sight of kilts.

Shoes, Maybe

2011-12-29T10:03:00.001-05:00

I guess I'll put away my holiday decorations this weekend. I actually kind of like them, though, so who knows? Shiny, sparkly stuff -- with lights -- what's not to like? One year, I left them up 'til March. Last year, I put them away on December 26th -- except for the wreath on my door. I think I left that up 'til about June. I'll have to wait and see what kind of mood I'm in over the weekend.

Maybe I'll just go buy shoes. Shoes have healing, restorative powers, you know. Sometimes good shoes can be better than... Chocolate? Sex? The beach? Hmmm.

Strange Stuff

2011-12-28T10:07:00.003-05:00

I feel slightly hung over from work yesterday. The place is so surreal, anyway, that most days I come home with whiplash from shaking my head so much. And TMJ because my jaw drops so often. Between the bizarre cast of characters and strange goings-on, yesterday was no different. Even the weather was bizarre yesterday -- chilly and raining in the morning, temperature rising 'til about noon, sudden drop in temperature around noon whereupon sleet developed. Then the sun came out around 2:00 o'clock and by 4:00, the temperature had shot up to 50. By 5:30 or so, however, a cold wind blew in and it stayed windy and cold all night. Lord only knows what it'll do today -- the weather or Work in the Land of the Flippin' Strange.

We don't care, though, do we? It's Hump Day. Happy, Happy!

Tuesday's Okay

2011-12-27T10:07:00.001-05:00

The nice weather held up beautifully throughout the holiday weekend, so I guess I can't complain too much about it raining today. I guess there's some kind of unwritten rule of nature that the first work day of the week -- whether it's a Monday or some other day -- has to be pretty nasty, huh? That's okay; it's a short work week. I guess I need to be thinking about New Year's resolutions now, right? Not.

Hope your holiday was fantastic and your Tuesday's not too bad.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-12-23T10:03:00.000-05:00

It's Friday -- TGIF -- and the night before Christmas Eve. I hope your wish-list is fulfilled, of course, but more than that, I hope you all gather your loved ones around you and enjoy a happy and safe holiday. If it's a White Christmas where you are, stay cozy! Good grief, people are wearing shorts here. It's a little bit crazy. But that's okay, we had White Christmases the last two years. We'll be just fine with a (quasi) tropical one this year.

You Are Merry Everything

You love to celebrate this time of year, and you like your holiday greeting to have a little zing to it.

You think that holiday greetings have become a bit too ordinary, and you want yours to put a smile on people's faces.

You think that people get too wrapped up in what holiday greeting is the right one to use.

As long as your greeting is genuine and from the heart, whatever sentiment someone chooses to express should be fine!

What Holiday Greeting Are You?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

'Til next time,

And Then There Were Two

2011-12-22T10:03:00.001-05:00

Just 2 more nights 'til Santa comes riding into town. If he brings the elves, they'd better behave. And they'd better have a scooper for those reindeer. But in any event, there are only 2 more nights to wait. And I have been a very good girl. I told Santa so, too. I'm pretty sure he believed me. He's a little senile, you know.

I really, really hope this blog thingie is right about what I'll find in my stocking. I'd love it! What are you going to find in yours?

Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With a Puppy

Well - one cute, soft, cuddly puppy...

And a very soiled Christmas stocking.

What Will Be In Your Christmas Stocking?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

3 More Days...

2011-12-21T10:07:00.000-05:00

Santa will be out and about in 3 more days. Just make sure it is Santa coming down your chimney or through your front door. There's some crazy people out there. But we're not going to talk about them. Santa Claus is coming to town!

And let's cross our fingers that the reindeer don't go AWOL. That poor donkey can't carry many presents.

And just to keep ourselves on track, Happy Hump Day!

The Countdown is On

2011-12-20T10:03:00.000-05:00

4 more days 'til Christmas Eve.

Have you hung your stocking from the mantel? If not, you need to get busy. Santa will be looking for it, you know, for those small, elegant packages that could get lost under the tree. Good things come in small packages.

Hang your stocking!

Naughty or Nice?

2011-12-19T10:07:00.000-05:00

It's only 5 more days 'til Christmas Eve. Have you been good?

Santa's pretty savvy at sorting out naughty from nice.

What do you suppose he'll be bringing you?

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-12-16T10:03:00.001-05:00

If I have to be an elf -- although I have nothing against elves and actually think they're kind of cute -- I'm glad it's on a Friday.

TGIF!

You Are An Elf

You are highly creative and artistic. You are good at working hard.

While you love to work, you also love to play. You have a naughty side to you!

You love pulling pranks and teasing people. You always seem to be getting into some sort of trouble.

People can rely on you to be industrious and responsible... but you're going to have fun while you're getting stuff done.

Are You An Elf or a Reindeer?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

Good Day in the Neighborhood

2011-12-14T10:03:00.002-05:00

The cold has tucked its tail and fled. We've been back in the 60s since yesterday. That's quite warm for December around here, but I'll take it. With glee! When this is all there is to Winter, it's not such a big deal. There's snow out west in places you wouldn't expect it. Things are weird all over, apparently.

Anyway...

It's -- Hump Day. Have a happy one!

In the Cards

2011-12-12T10:03:00.001-05:00

It was a cold weekend. Seasonably cold, I suppose; after all, it's supposed to be cold in December. It's still something of a shock to the system, though. Up 'til now, it's been pretty much consistently unseasonably warm.

The cold has served as a rather sharp reminder that I need to get my Christmas cards done. I know that a lot of people don't bother with cards any more, but I see them as a nice way of keeping in touch with people I seldom see or hear from. And who even knows if snail mail will still exist next year? Yep, I need to get those cards done.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-12-09T10:03:00.001-05:00

Baby, it's cold outside. I had two blankets on my bed last night, which is pretty unusual for me. I'm warm and cozy inside today, though, with warm stuff to drink, something to read, a new DVD, and a warm pup.

Here's to a well deserved TGIF, and have a terrific weekend, everybody. And enjoy the full moon!

You Are Stylish

You go all out when you give gifts. You want to give a present that will wow, even if it's a little over the top.

You are spontaneous and impulsive. You tend to do things quickly, and you're quite impatient.

You are somewhat organized, but you always feel like you could be doing a bit better! You have high standards for yourself.

You love to dress up and take care of yourself. You get a lot of confidence from looking sharp.

The Present Wrapping Oracle

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Thoroughly Sodden

2011-12-08T10:07:00.001-05:00

I felt like I needed flippers and fins yesterday. It rained hard all night Tuesday, and then it rained even harder all day yesterday. By the time I headed home from work, there was so much standing water in the streets that I was concerned about stalls and hydroplaning. Luckily, nothing happened. There were also flood and high wind warnings out last night. It was truly nasty out. I apologized profusely to the dog for having to take the poor little thing out to go potty in such a monsoon -- and didn't complain once about the aroma of eau de wet dog.

My Christmas trees (two wee ones) are up, lighted, and have presents under them. I still plan to pester Santa for that one thing I really want, though. And then I think I'll start handing out Princess Serena's address and see who sends me tribute. I'm interested in all things sparkly, shiny, and glittery, just so you know.

I Kid You Not

2011-12-07T10:07:00.001-05:00

So, speaking of Christmas and Santa (but please, Lord, no ho-ho-hos), I have only a very short list of shopping still to do. And on that list are the two hardest gifts I have to buy -- for my bosses. What in the everlasting heck do you buy for two sleazy lawyers? And they are, too. Sleazy, I mean. One left his wife for a bimbo client and the other, 40 years the other one's senior, does -- no joke -- Dial-a-Ho on speaker phone in the afternoons. And when he gets lucky -- well, you don't want to know the details. I have a strong stomach, and I don't want details. What I want is outta there, but that ain't happening unless I get lucky with Santa.

But back to my question -- what on earth do I get these jokers? It doesn't have to be dirt cheap, but I'm not paying a lot, either. I need help here because, left to my own devices, they could end up with rubber gloves and porn gift cards. Ugh. I don't think so. What about gift baskets filled with anti-bacterial stuff and some antibiotics? You think?

Special Delivery

2011-12-06T10:07:00.001-05:00

Dear Santa,

I can do without perfume this year. I probably smell (passably) okay without it.

And I can live without jewelry. I already have a bit of bling that I can wear.

I don't need any shoes or sweaters or belts, so we can dispense with those.

I already have plenty of glass and china and crystal stuff, all of which has to be dusted every year or so, so you can give that to someone needier and more collectibles deprived than I.

I'll tell you what I do need, Santa, and what I crave and desire more than anything else: serenity! I want some peace of mind, Santa. I want my stress level reduced. Big-time. And immediately. I want a transcendental calm to descend upon me and cloak me in huge warm fuzzies. You can get me this, Santa, right? I think you can, and I'm depending on you.

Thank you ever so much!

Love and kisses,
~Serena

P.S. -- If you let me down, you perhaps don't want to know about my sharp elbows and knobby knees and the tender places on rotund, white-bearded gentlemen wearing red velvet they can, um, collide with.

Up And Running

2011-12-05T10:03:00.002-05:00

It's Monday and I'm already tired and barely alive. In fact, I'm afraid to go look in the mirror; I'm afraid I might see that I'm turning zombie. Wouldn't surprise me!

You guys have a good Monday. See you mañana.

It's Getting Crazy Up In Here

2011-11-22T10:00:00.000-05:00

With company coming for Thanksgiving and more coming next weekend, I have a million and three things to do and I'm running out of time to do them. And it's sweaty work, too, because it's been unusually warm. It's been in the 70s. Shorts weather. Anyway, I may not get much of a chance to check in here the rest of the week, so let me take this opportunity now to wish you a

Um, I have a confession to make: maybe I do like country music. Some of it. A little bit. I like this. Enjoy.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-11-18T10:07:00.001-05:00

I swear, every day at work any more is like a trip to the zoo. Where the monkeys throw poo. Except the monkeys may be slightly more intelligent than a lot of what I put up with. Makes for what seem like exceedingly long work weeks.

You know that I am, therefore, so grateful for TGIF.

Have a great weekend. After you do the test, of course.

You Are Very Self Actualized

Your awareness is high. You notice everything - you are extremely detail oriented.

Your honesty is medium. You're somewhat open, but there are a few secrets you keep to yourself.

Your freedom is high. You need to be completely independent and free to do whatever you feel like.

Your trust is medium. You can trust others, but it takes a while for that trust to be earned.

The Four Factor Self-Actualization Test

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Gettin' There

2011-11-16T10:07:00.002-05:00

It's Wednesday. Yay!

Mid-week.

It's a downhill slide from here, baby.

Glide time. Weekend's coming.

We're getting there.

Happy Hump Day!

Who Said?

2011-11-15T10:07:00.001-05:00

Answer me this: Why is it not permissible to put a bounty on the heads of the pathologically stupid?

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-11-11T10:03:00.001-05:00

T G I Friggin' F.

I did manage to muster up the energy to take this Thing. And I must say, it pegged me surprisingly well, except for the math and sports. I'm a documented mathematical moron and sports spaz. Everybody knows that. The rest is pretty spot on, though. Take it yourself and see how you fare.

I may do something today. Or I may not. I am your quintessential plumb worn out woman.

T G I Friggin' Friday.

You Are 55% Left Brained, 45% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.

Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.

If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.

Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.

Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.

If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.

Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-11-04T10:07:00.001-04:00

Picture Etta James. In the spotlight on a dimly lighted stage. Velvet voice throaty and smokin'. Belting out at laaaassssst...

Finally, it came. It's here. Friday, the goddess of all the days of the week. Hail, Friday.

TGIF!

I took the quiz. Now I guess I'll be known as Geek Girl. Could be worse.:)

You Are a Geek

You're a total brain, and you're smart enough to know that glamour is often skin deep at best.

You do your own thing, and you ignore what the crowd is into. You're much happier that way.

You probably have an amazing set of interests and friends. So what if you're on the weird side?

And just because you're a geek, it doesn't mean you're cool. You could be a "chic geek."

Are You Geek or Chic?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

Work My Fingers to The Bone

2011-11-03T10:07:00.001-04:00

I think, for reasons best kept under my hat for the nonce, that my law firm's going down in flames sooner or later. Quite possibly sooner. Sex, drugs, and -- well, there's no rock and roll. Let's just say it's getting icky in there. I have to work somewhere, so I suspect I'd better be lining up some ducks in a row.

I didn't issue the first invitation, but it looks like I'm going to be cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Actually, it looks more like I'll be calling the Kroger deli and ordering a turkey feast. That'll work.

By virtue of the Thanksgiving deal, I have to have the vast majority of my Christmas shopping done -- and wrapped -- by Thanksgiving. And my place seasonably decorated. Oh, yeah, and cleaned. It'll take some work -- and some extra funds withdrawn -- but it'll get done. I am nothing if not efficient.

I have enough to work on. Perhaps you guys would take on the task of dealing with these Twisted Linguistics.

origional
aquitted
wobbily
intially
indiction
scavage
punctial
growning
legand

I Heart Wednesday

2011-11-02T10:03:00.000-04:00

I love Wednesdays. Not as much as Fridays, but Wednesdays are good.

Enjoy yours!

May I Tempt You...

2011-11-01T10:07:00.001-04:00

...with a small peanut butter cup?

I had a feeling that in light of all the sponsored Halloween events going on around town there would be few trick-or-treaters at my door last night. I'm always prepared -- because I was a Girl Scout, you know. Or was that something I got from the Boy Scouts, because I knew some of those, too.

Anyway, I figured I might as well buy treats I myself like since there were likely to be left-overs. I got Reese's peanut butter cups, which I can inhale like nobody's business, and I didn't have a single kid at my door. If I eat the whole bag myself, they're going to go straight to my thighs.

Nobody wants to see that happen. So please, as a mercy to me, take one.

Boo!

2011-10-31T10:13:00.001-04:00

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-10-28T10:03:00.001-04:00

It's almost Halloween. May you be lucky enough to get more treats than tricks.

And it is already Friday. TGIF!

I take issue with some aspects of my results from this week's quiz but, what the heck, it's all in good fun for Halloween. Witch, Vampire, or Zombie -- which are you?

You Are a Vampire

Like a vampire, you can be a bit cold and heartless at times. You are very calculating.

You think with your head, and you know better than to follow your heart.

While you are as thick skinned and resourceful as a vampire, you aren't necessarily as evil.

You can easily manipulate people into doing what you want. Whether you actually choose to manipulate them or not is a different matter.

Are You A Vampire, Witch, Or Zombie?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Happymaker

2011-10-27T10:07:00.000-04:00

It is absolutely true that happiness is a warm puppy.

But happiness -- indeed, sheer delirium -- can also be induced by the fact that it's my last workday of the week.

I swear, the weeks just get harder and harder. The women in my office have experimented with a new letterhead -- we're putting our names at the top as the attorneys and the attorneys' names under "staff." We are doing all the actual practice of law lately. And we're all having meltdowns half a dozen times a day. The lawyers aren't doing a darn thing but what we tell them they have to do -- and show them how to do it -- when they even bother coming to work. How does that make them worth $400 bucks an hour? It's crazy!

But it's Thursday, and that's a happymaker for me.

Happy Feet

2011-10-26T10:07:00.001-04:00

So, my two left shoes that I got the other day? I wrote an e-mail Monday morning to the place I bought them from -- and just trust me when I tell you I know how to write an effective e-mail.

I received a response yesterday. Here's how they're making me happy: First, I need not inconvenience myself by repackaging the defective goods and hauling them off to UPS or the Post Office. Second, they've already shipped a replacement pair of shoes -- and promising that a live human inspected the box to ensure it contained a left and a right shoe. Third, they're crediting my debit card for the entire purchase price; ergo, the shoes are now free. And fourth, I will now receive free next-day shipping on any and every future order.

I'm going to have some happy feet!

And you have a Happy Hump Day!!

What's Wrong With This Picture?

2011-10-25T10:07:00.001-04:00

I've always liked Clarks clogs. I have a couple of pairs of Nine West clogs, but much prefer the Clarks in terms of comfort and fit. Well, that was then and this is now. Alas, I believe the time has come to say sayonara to Clarks & Co.

You will recall the recent debacle of the disintegrating clog. In need of a pair of black clogs because I live in them during the Winter, I bought a new pair of Clarks, which would be these:

Look closely, and you begin to see the problem.

How about that? I went to put them on to wear to work yesterday morning and was dumbfounded to find in the box -- 2 left shoes. I was livid, and not only because I had to scramble to find some other shoes that would go with what I was wearing. This is it with Clarks. I'm looking for some other brand of clog that's comfortable, pretty, and not outrageously priced. Any suggestions?

Extra Large, Lots of Cream, Please

2011-10-24T10:10:00.000-04:00

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-10-21T10:07:00.000-04:00

I thought this Blogthing would be fun but, shoot, if all I can get is Twizzlers, I ain't going. I loathe those things. I don't want to be a gruesome animal, either. Um, what is a gruesome animal? Wild boar, maybe? I guess I could be a sexy cop. Hmmm.

Fridays are fun, though. And here we are, on a Friday. TGIF!

You Should Be a Sexy Cop for Halloween

Halloween is a huge party for you, except you're never really sure what to go as.

No matter what, your costume will make people's eyes pop out of their heads.

Costume suggestions: A sexy cop or a gruesome animal

Signature Halloween candy: Twizzlers

Scary movie you should celebrate Halloween with: Scream

What's Your Halloween Horoscope?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

Twisted Linguistics

2011-10-20T10:07:00.003-04:00

As you may have heard, that 90-year-old preacher from Oakland says the world is ending Friday. Of course, he's predicted The End a number of times before -- and we're still here. My guess is he's got a few dead neurons in his head and we'll still be good to go after Friday.

What do you think about these Words Gone Wild?

currupt
un-identifided
comand
aftet
accessoties
unoffically
ransome
un-nerving

I personally think they're extras in "The Walking Dead." Of course, if the preacher is right, they may be the only ones left standing Friday.

Maybe the end will be a Zombie Apocalypse and, afterwards, everything will be gone to the dogs and currupt, of course. There will be un-identified body parts and accessoties after the fact littering the landscape. The hastily crowned King Comand will have been kidnapped and held hostage by the unoffically anointed Zombie Queen, the mostly intact but fickle Aftet. The warm-blooded ransome ideas up the flagpole and considered paying some money for his release. Of course, nobody will have any cash, even if they were brave enough to go outside to deliver it. And I don't think cold, hard coin would be of much interest to Aftet, anyway. It'll all be pretty un-nerving, don't you think?

Duly Sworn...

2011-10-19T10:03:00.001-04:00

Today, we have a Tale of the Senile Old Troll for whom I work. He took divorce depositions last week (and I say that facetiously because I always have the questions prepared in advance and pay no attention to his drivel). In some cases, I listen to the tapes he makes just in case the parties say something outside the norm that I didn't anticipate. Since this client and her witness speak limited and broken English, I gave this tape a listen.

He took the client's witness first, which is bass-ackwards and simply not done, which indicated that he had no idea which lady was his client. He started asking her to whom she was married, when she was married, when she was separated from her husband, yada-yada. And the poor bewildered witness was answering. At that point, the actual client interjected with, "Excuse me, she's my witness. She's not getting a divorce. I'm your client." Then he stuttered and mumbled a bit before announcing that he was going to start over, telling the client that he was going to take her ... picture. How the hell "picture" is analogous to "deposition" is open to conjecture.

I was practically rolling on the floor by the end of the tape and, naturally, had to share it with the rest of the staff. It was a good day for us, and God knows they're few and far between. And then I made a transcript and put it in the file. For posterity. And future laughs.

Happy Hump Day!

My Shooooooes

2011-10-18T10:07:00.002-04:00

I mentioned last week the strange case of the disintegrating shoe and said I would elaborate on that. Here's what happened.

I wore clogs (Clarks) to work that day, and didn't notice anything amiss between my house and the office. Once there, I walked to the kitchen to get coffee and thought my right shoe felt a little loose on my foot, but paid no attention to it. Around 10:00 A.M., I got up to go get more coffee and make a bathroom run. Walking down the hall, my shoe felt really loose. Then I happened to look down and noticed something sticking off the side of my shoe. I thought I'd stepped in something and it had stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

In the bathroom, I took a closer look and was stunned to see that my shoe was almost literally in pieces. The sole had cracked completely in two, and the seams had come loose on both sides so that I could stick my hand through it. I Scotch-taped the crack in the sole to get me through the day. Do not call me a hillbilly. One does what one has to do to make it through the day.

This ignominy (sans tape) is illustrated in the pictures below.

Some time later, I saw that my left shoe had also started coming apart at the seams on both sides. These were supposedly good quality leather clogs, certainly no more than five years old. I have shoes (some that I paid much less for than these) that I've worn frequently for 10 and 15 years, so I know this shouldn't have happened.

I haven't done so yet, but I fully intend to write a letter to Clarks about this. For whatever good it will do. But at least it'll be off my chest and on somebody else's.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-10-14T10:07:00.001-04:00

My week has been, shall we say, interesting. There was heat and then there was rain, there was a moon to deal with, there was mondo weirdness afoot, there was a bad dream that I'm still pondering, and yesterday my shoe virtually disintegrated on my foot at work. Seriously! More about that at a later date. With pictures.

TGIF, and have a great weekend!

You Are a Candy Hound

You are hedonistic... sometimes to the point of being greedy.

You love to eat, and there's no chance you're sharing your candy!

While you may be greedy, it's with good reason. You have great taste.

The things you love are worth loving, and it's no wonder you crave them.

What Does Your Favorite Candy Say About You?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

Yeah, I know I said I don't care much for country music, but I adore Dwight Yoakam and this song, which I also adore, has been on my mind.

Twisted Linguistics

2011-10-13T10:07:00.001-04:00

Coming down off a full moon and drying off after a hard rain, today seems to me like a fine time to stamp out some ~~blasphemy~~ blasfomy. I'll provide the Words Gone Wild. Shoot, I'll even have a stab at interrogating them. But -- I'd like to see what you can do to them.

ambidextrious - This refers to an industrious kind of guy who's been pounding the pavement for hours in search of an Ambien because he's been awake on diet pills since dawn and is desperate for a little sleep.

moral terpitude - The only kind of morality imaginable to a certain breed of corporate twerps who lie for a living.

premediated murder - When neither pissed off party could agree to any settlement terms and they turned on the arbitrator.

erronous - Poetry written and dispatched by a lovesick swain which was neither erotic nor poetry. It was a mistake to hang the messenger, but there you have it.

authenicate - Real fornication.

arristed for indecient exposure - What sometimes happens to the bored and privileged children of the idle rich who didn't think they needed no education.

juristiction - The place where nasty old judges go to do dirty, icky stuff.

Rain On

2011-10-12T10:07:00.003-04:00

Rain settled in last night and will be around for the next couple of days. I'm not a fan of country music, but I love rainy nights; hence, the song choice.

I used to get, um, hormonal on rainy nights. A rainy night and a full moon, whoa mama. Well. My hormones have had to get hobbies these days to keep 'em out of trouble. Whatever. I still love a rainy night; they make me sleep like the late lamented dead.

Happy Hump Day!

Slightly Intransigent, But No Fever

2011-10-11T10:03:00.001-04:00

I may have a case of apathy. It's self-diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is. One of my bosses is a senile old troll and the other one has gone into slacker mode, and I don't give a crap any more. And if the clients want to whine about it, I don't care as long as I don't have to listen to it. If I got fired tomorrow, I'd probably grin and drool. If anybody yells at me or wants to sob their life story to me when I'm busy, it goes in one ear and out the other. Is this what they mean by apathy?

I'm not worried in the least about illness, unemployment, or natural disaster. Apathy, probably. I'm slightly concerned about zombies, but not enough to get up off the sofa and take any precautions. Apathy? Hmm -- maybe that one's half apathy and half stupidity.

Sometimes I worry about burglars and car-jackers and maniacal serial killers, but not that much. Got to be apathy. Or the knowledge that nobody wants my car or my stuff.

Or maybe it's just a touch of seasonal affective disorder?

My spirit hasn't even been moved lately by book sales or bake sales or even, God help me, shoe sales. I'm not frivolously spending any money and I'm not even feeling withdrawal pangs. What the hell is wrong with me? And for heaven's sake, is there a cure?

Spook Walking

2011-10-10T10:07:00.000-04:00

Halloween is coming, of course -- which goes a long way toward explaining why I found myself in an old cemetery Saturday night. Not alone; geez, I'm not crazy. No, it was an organized event in conjunction with the local history museum and there were a number of other people around.

My companion took this photo of the moon -- which, mind you, won't even be officially full until Tuesday night -- shining down on this elaborate 19th century grave marker. Is this not spookalicious?

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-10-07T10:07:00.001-04:00

Well, ain't this just precious? I'm feeling about as lovable as a warthog this week. Full moon's coming, isn't it?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

TGIF and have a great weekend!

Penance

2011-10-05T10:07:00.000-04:00

This is the kind of week I've had:-

And this is how karma has been treating me:-

I must have done something really bad once upon a time. I hope that karma knows that I'm really, really sorry and will never do it again and that it will let up on me a little. Please!

I'm very happy to have made it to Hump Day without catastrophe. So far. The day ain't over yet.

Happy Hump Day!

Blaze of Glory

2011-10-04T10:07:00.001-04:00

A Fall chill in the air arrived quite suddenly Thursday night, sending me into a bit of a "nesting" frenzy over the weekend. I -- horrors -- cleaned. A little (I might have done more, but I fretted all weekend about a problem I was having at work). And I got out some warm clothes. And real shoes -- with backs and covered toes. And cut the tags off a new jacket. And ... put a blanket on my bed. It seriously went down into the low 40s at night. That's chilly.

And I, who used to be fairly hot-blooded until I started working in an office that feels like a deep-freeze year-round, even turned the heat on the last two or three nights. I never turn on the heat this early, but it was cold. And I rarely deny myself simple creature comforts, so why the heck not?

There's no rule, after all, about any date certain on which the heat may be turned on. And if there were such a rule, I'd break it first chance I got. Which I may have just done. Score another one for Serena!

This won't last, of course. It'll be back to close to 80 by Friday and I'll have to either rip that blanket off the bed or turn on the AC. The leaves are turning, though, and starting to look like a gloriously colorful blaze of Autumn. I have company coming for the weekend and we may have to do one of those "foliage drives" through the countryside. In shorts.

I Think...

2011-10-03T10:07:00.002-04:00

Change is inevitable. And yet the old cliché about the more things change, the more they remain the same, still applies.

Nothing ever really changes.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Twisted Linguistics

2011-09-29T10:07:00.001-04:00

Your Spelling is Perfect

You got 10/10 correct.

Your spelling is excellent. You also have a great memory and eye for detail.

How's Your Spelling?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

Words Gone Wild pulled from the Worldwide Web this week:-

volunteerly
political correctness run a muck
rentry
incounter
dispicable
everynody
home and harth
bare the brunt
their is something wrong
universtity
anniverseries

Sign Language

2011-09-28T10:07:00.005-04:00

When things go awry, they often tend to go really awry and irritate the entire bejesus out of one's Feng Shui, don't they? It sure seems that way, anyway. I had an awry day yesterday, felt some signs and saw the handwriting on the wall, ended up unloading both barrels on the Senile Senior Partner, and he ... apologized. Not that I believe for a second it was sincere, but he may know now not to mess with me. Too much.

What do you think about signs? Not road signs or Help Wanted signs or Will Work for Food signs. No, I'm talking about subtle (or not) unseen signs of "something coming" that one senses. Do they exist? Are they reliable? I kind of tend to think they not only exist but are eminently reliable. Sometimes they take the form of red flags, and I pay attention to them. Case in point: I've had a rosary hanging off my rearview mirror since the day I bought my car (which, at the time in question, was 7 years), and it had never fallen off. When my sister and I parked at the funeral home the day of our biological mother's funeral, it suddenly fell off, whereupon I turned to her and said, "Oh, God, all hell's about to break loose." She didn't believe me until we got inside. And in the coming days, weeks, and months, she became a true believer.

Anyway, my point is -- I pay attention to signs. And I know them when I see them.

You all ought to check out this site when you have some time to kill -- or some temper to quell. I enjoyed the hell out of it a couple of times at work yesterday, and I have to say, it did help keep the bloodlust down. Somewhat.

Happy Hump Day!

Listen Up

2011-09-27T10:03:00.001-04:00

I feel like music today. Not making it, because I have a tin ear and no musical aptitude, but I love listening to those who can. Listen up if you're in the mood, and enjoy.

Whyyyyy...

2011-09-26T10:07:00.000-04:00

...is it Monday again? Ugh. Hopefully, yours won't be as unpredictable as mine is apt to be and you'll actually enjoy it.

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-09-23T10:03:00.001-04:00

TGIF, people. TGIF!

I survived another week with the nasty little troll I work for. If I can do that, I can do anything. If the zombies come this weekend, they'd best keep their distance. Stupid zombies are no match for a stressed out woman who'd kill for a peaceful weekend.

And now, let's go play in the jungle. I'm going to roar, according to the Blogthing boys and girls. What'll you be doing?

You Are a Lion

You're very self-reliant and apt to do your own thing. You know what you want out of life.

You are a total visionary. You have your own idea about utopia, as impractical as it may be.

You have sharp senses and a heightened awareness. Very little escapes your notice.

Decision making is easy for you. You have a spot on intuition that's been with you your whole life.

What Jungle Animal Are You?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

Leave It Alone!

2011-09-22T10:07:00.000-04:00

How many of you are on Facebook?

How many of you like the new Facebook changes?

How many of you think there ought to be a law that if it ain't broke, don't fix it?

Happy, Damn It!

2011-09-21T10:07:00.002-04:00

Chin up, kitteh -- it's Hump Day. Makes me happy, and not just because my hair looks (slightly) better than yours today.

I need happy.

We are now doing major Voodoo in the office in a last-ditch effort to "do something" about the Senile Senior Partner. Makes us happy. He makes nobody happy, so we'll be a hell of a lot happier when it starts working.

Happy Hump Day!

It's Not Just Us

2011-09-20T10:03:00.001-04:00

Know what I found out yesterday via the wonders of the Internet? We're not the only ones pontificating on the threat of a zombie apocalypse. Apparently, it's been a primal fear for quite a while.

I say that because archaeologists recently dug up in Ireland some 8th century skeletons. Some of the skulls had rocks in their mouths, a medieval custom that people seemed to believe prevented the dead from ... coming back from the dead. The populace at that time apparently viewed the mouth as the portal from which the soul departed the body upon death and, conversely, the entry point for whatever entity might reanimate a corpse and make it walk; ergo, the custom of plugging the portals of certain suspicious dead people with rocks.

I'm not sure this is a procedure the CDC would approve of, much less Tweet. Presumably, they're in the process of devising more modern and sophisticated procedures for nipping zombies in the bud. I'm sure they'll inform us at the appropriate time. Let's just hope they don't try to get FEMA involved.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-09-16T10:07:00.000-04:00

All in all, it wasn't such a bad work week. Still, I'm glad it's drawn to a close. TGIF!

Now, it's time to play.

You Are the Castle

You are a bit of a homebody and even somewhat of a loner. You function best when you're all by yourself.

Other people see you as mysterious and even a little scary. They don't understand how deep and complicated you are.

You have many layers to your personality, and there is always a surprise waiting around the corner with you.

You aren't as scary as you seem, but you are intense. You require people to confront things about themselves that they rather not know.

What Part of a Fairy Tale Are You?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

Mah Brainz

2011-09-15T10:03:00.001-04:00

It got quite warm yesterday -- high 80s -- but the time of year has come when as soon as the sun goes down, so does the temperature. It's been going down into the low 60s at night for the past week or so. That is some fine sleeping weather. Friday, we're expecting a daytime high temp of only 60. Whoa! That's a little premature to be feeling Fall's slight nip in the air, but I'm ready to leave hot weather behind for another season. Bring it.

Not only will cooler days and nights be a welcome respite, but with chilly temperatures, maybe the damn flies will stop stalking me. All Summer, every time I opened the door to a delivery person or had to hold it open for a balky dog who didn't want to come in, I got a brazen kamikaze fly or two. I don't own a fly swatter, so I chase them around with a rolled up newspaper in one hand and a can of Raid in the other. I should close the blinds when I do that, because I'm sure I must look like a lunatic. I had one of the nasty little intruders last night and it took me nearly half an hour to chase that sucker down and brain him.

Speaking of braining, do zombies come out in cold weather? And if they do, do they disdain mushy, beaten all to hell brainz? If so, I believe I'm safe.

Askew

2011-09-14T10:07:00.002-04:00

I'm feeling restless and somewhat discombobulated and I don't quite know why. I'm damn lucky to have a roof over my head, clothes in my closet, and food in my cupboard. I know that, and I am appropriately grateful.

I think the fleeting pangs of restlessness must derive from that "it's complicated" status shrouding practically everything going on around me. Consequently, Serena-World's tilted ever so slightly on its axis. Something, of course, will happen to put the kibosh on the listless, unsettled spell and break it. It always does, and then life resumes its regular programming. And trust me, "regular" is plenty jacked up enough.

I wish the break would hurry up. Anxiety makes me ... restless. And it ain't pretty.

On the plus side, it's Hump Day. Have a happy one!

I'm A Side

2011-09-13T10:03:00.001-04:00

I'm a side sleeper. I can't sleep on my back; gives me a headache. And I can't sleep on my tummy; I can't breathe with my nose smushed into my pillow. It probably means something weird, but I'm a side sleeper.

Which are you?

Quizzes by Quibblo.com | SnapApp Quiz Apps

09/11/2001 - 09/11/2011

2011-09-12T10:07:00.002-04:00

It was a weekend of remembrance and reflection for most of us, I believe. I found myself drawn to watching a lot of the 9/11 anniversary pieces on TV. It's still hard to believe that something so horrific as the events of that day could have happened. It was an act of war. On American soil. Against innocent people. And honestly, it was every bit as shocking to watch those surreal images from New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington, D.C. today as it was the day they happened.

I hope and pray it never happens again, but I am not naive. It could. Today's world is a seething cauldron of hatred and unrest. Clearly, there is no simple remedy. We, meaning all of humankind, need to somehow work it out before we end up annihilating ourselves as a species. God help us.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-09-09T10:03:00.001-04:00

I think I'll stay barefoot all day, perhaps savor some dark chocolate, definitely grab a nap, and hope to hear the lullaby of some falling rain. I would practically kill for a massage, but I guess that's out of the question. For today, anyway. I am, after all, a fairly sensual being -- or so saith the Blogthing Geniuses. What do they say about you? Answer the questions and find out.

TGIF! Have a great weekend.

Your Sensuality Score is: 75%

You taste, smell, feel, see, and hear more strongly than most people.

Even the smallest sensual act can be quite divine for you.

You are a hedonist. You like to experience it all... whether it's food, art, music, or sex.

If you're not careful, you're apt to overindulge or get addicted to a certain pleasure.

How Sensual Are You?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

It's Coming...

2011-09-08T10:03:00.000-04:00

Have a good Thursday!

Scent of a Canine

2011-09-07T10:03:00.002-04:00

The Big Rain is slowly rolling out of here, but it's still soaking us sporadically. All total, we've had somewhere between 3 and 9 inches of rain, depending on where exactly one was.

My poor dog did not enjoy her outdoor excursions during the downpour. Frankly, neither did I. Still, there was business to be done -- and somebody had to provide the ways and means. That would be me. The poor little thing was not happy about being towel dried and brushed over and over again. Last night, after she got completely drenched, my house just reeked of eau de chien mouillé. It's not my favorite scent, but I love the dog so I put up with it. And besides, that's what room sprays and plug-ins were invented for.

Hey, it's Wednesday already. I love short weeks, never mind that I'm probably wishing my life away. Happy Hump Day.

Rain, Sweet Rain

2011-09-06T10:07:00.001-04:00

I actually can stand the rain. I awoke to rain yesterday morning, and it rained all day and all last night. And it's still raining. It sounds wonderful, smells delicious, and feels cool and refreshing. We desperately needed it, too. We've been in a drought here all summer. There's some kind of point system for charting drought conditions, and last week we were pegged as only 100 points below desert status. That's pretty scary for the middle of Virginia.

No Labor Today

2011-09-05T10:07:00.001-04:00

There will be no noticeable labor around here today, and hopefully none where you are. You guys

Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-09-02T10:13:00.000-04:00

TGIF!

You Have a Fairly Strong Willpower

Temptation doesn't get the better of you all that often.

If you set your mind on a goal, you'll do your best to achieve it.

And while you don't have a perfect record with willpower, you do okay.

If you fall off the wagon with something, you're usually not off the wagon for long.

Is Your Willpower Strong?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Today Only: No Ruls

2011-09-01T10:07:00.003-04:00

My mind is a vast wasteland today. It's been a hell of a week. Thank heavens it's about to come to a close -- and the long holiday weekend starts. I don't have enough neurons firing to write anything today, but I have been vigilant about collecting Words Gone Wild. I'm not sure I have the wherewithal to define them, but I'm going to give it a whirl. You might want to see what you can do with them, too.

vigilanty justice - This refers to a gianormous lantern around which people sit and keep vigil against the night creatures while they tattle on their neighbors.

ruls - This started out as an ancient alphabet by which people hoped to communicate in writing, but nobody could pronounce any words written in it so they dumped it and switched to runes. We have a hell of a time at my office trying to read the regulations written in, um, ruls, and it's rather comical watching the lawyers throw runes before trying cases.

prety - A mystical archaic mating ritual employing veils and scarves and pink pillows and incense and stuff, which over time devolved into hedonistic orgies in which only celebrities were allowed to participate.

peoiple - Pigs in the oil business.

horriable - A statute which, somewhere in its 732 pages of fine print, combines and outlaws several classes of misdemeanor crimes, e.g., smacking gum in public, adjusting one's clothes in public, standing in doorways, speaking to strangers in cars, walking outside in short shorts and/or tube tops, failure to display visible panty lines in public, practicing law, gambling with insurance brokers, etc. And yes, working for wages is considered a horriable offense under the new legislation.

apparnetly - Condos wired for WiFi.

Aiming For My Own Green Slippers

2011-08-31T10:07:00.000-04:00

We have a client, a nice older lady (yeah, five years older than me -- geez) who is always the epitome of elegance. She's always stylishly dressed, red hair casually but perfectly tousled, nails done. She's truly a knock-out and must have been drop-dead gorgeous at twenty. She came in yesterday wearing a mid-calf length black skirt with an animal print top, complemented by simple but tasteful gold jewelry. Then I happened to look down, because she always has killer shoes, and she had on ... fluffy green backless bedroom slippers. I wonder if she forgot to put on her shoes or whether she just didn't give a flip? They do say age has its perks. I can't wait (I guess).

Sex in Dark Corners

2011-08-30T10:07:00.003-04:00

Breaking News: Clothes lying around unsupervised in drawers are getting bored and reproducing! Am I the first to report this sordid development? Even if I'm not first, I know this to be a truism. It's happening. I have the evidence in my very own home.

I suddenly have more socks than I ever knew I had. I have more pairs of undies than I remember buying. Some of them are quite pretty, too, and I suspect them of lurking around dark drawers and seducing the old and dingy unmentionables. What pair of plain white panties with sagging elastic can resist the silky wiles of a high cut brief in siren pink or winsome black?

Bras are taking part in this undercover bacchanalia, too. I hope they don't think I haven't noticed the new additions, because I have -- especially that saucy underwire in a soft peach color that slinked unbidden into the fold. If they weren't doing what it takes to multiply, I wouldn't suddenly be needing two drawers for them. I know what's going on in those dark corners.

There are shirts in my closet that have to be the offspring of the older ones hanging out in the back. Sometimes I go in there looking for something to put on and feel like a kid at Christmas when I see a sparkly "new" shirt I don't recall seeing before. The same holds true for shoes. And pants and skirts and, yes, even dresses. They're all doing the nasty while they're home alone and don't think I don't know it.

I have my shopping diva moments, but this is above and beyond. I think I'd remember making hauls like these. This is like gifts from the closet and drawer gods and goddesses. It's almost like ... free stuff, so I guess I shouldn't complain about my clothes getting down and dirty under cover of darkness. I can't even give them the "safe sex" lecture since I'm benefiting from their wanton ways.

Why That Is?

2011-08-29T10:07:00.001-04:00

Anyone know the answers to these puzzlers that have me scratching my head?

1. Why do some women wear black bras under white tops?

2. Why does anyone need a refrigerator that comes equipped with a touch pad and apps?

3. Why have I been craving radishes? It's probably been two or three years since the last time I ate a radish in a salad.

4. Can a purse ever be too big?

5. What is the cure for ennui? And we are talking MEGA-ennui.

I don't have a thing to give you for providing some answers except a little gratitude. Will that do?

Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-08-26T10:03:00.000-04:00

What a week. Depending on where you are, you may have experienced earthquakes and, soon, will be experiencing a hurricane. I felt an earthquake the other day for the first time in my life. Based on my experience, I ain't doin' that no more. Unh-unh! By late today, I'll more than likely be getting rained on. It won't be anything like the rain approaching the coastal areas, though. My sister's smack-dab in Irene's path and, of course, she ain't leaving. All of you who are going to be affected by the hurricane, please be careful!

TGIF!

And now, go do today's quiz and see what you come up with. Some of my results are spot on, others not so much. I hate to admit it, and I hate this character defect in myself, but I do have my moments of superficiality. Sad, isn't it?

You Are Self-Sufficient

You have no patience with inefficiency. You hate to wait for anything.

You are bored by routine. You need some whimsy in your life to stay happy.

You tend to take control of situations easily, and in return, you get everyone's respect.

You don't have any room for fluff in your life. You abhor superficiality of all kinds.

The Lighthouse Test

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Shakin' It

2011-08-24T10:13:00.001-04:00

Oooo, baby, I was shakin' for a little while yesterday afternoon. Rockin' and rollin'. We had an -- are you ready for this? -- earthquake. We have them occasionally in Virginia but they're usually so slight that I've never felt anything. Yesterday, I did.

I was sitting at my desk working when, all of a sudden, I heard -- or perhaps felt -- some kind of rumble and felt the floor under my feet vibrating. My chair shimmied and my computer monitor bounced. The Senile One was standing across the room by a file cabinet, so I jumped up and said, "Senile One, what was that? Did you feel that?" He says, "What? What? I didn't feel anything." Duh. I headed out front because I seriously thought a truck or something had hit the building. The receptionist and a client were standing out there, and she was holding onto the front desk and the chandelier was swaying. The other paralegal came running down the stairs and said her desk was moving, too, and that stuff had fallen off her shelves. The client, who's some sort of civil engineer, pronounced that we had just experienced an earthquake. Turned out to be a 5.8 or 5.9 with an epicenter some 150 miles away. Virginia hasn't experienced a 5.8 in over a hundred years. It only lasted for what must have been under thirty seconds, but let me tell you, it was scary. I don't think I want to experience one of those big apocalyptic quakes any time soon.

My dog had been pacing ceaselessly since Sunday night. The only time I could get her to relax was with food, and then she'd go right back to pacing. I think she sensed the earthquake coming. They do say that animals are cognizant of and have a built-in early warning system about such things. I think "they" are right.

Oh, and as if that weren't exciting enough, the other paralegal had been building up a head of steam since the late afternoon before and went quasi-off on the junior partner yesterday morning. By the time the Senile One had spent all day driving us crazy, she was not to be trifled with. She went off on him full-tilt boogie. When he tried to make some of his conciliatory noises, she told him in no uncertain terms that whatever was going to be said needed to be said among him and the three of us, and so he stands there asking us "what he's doing wrong." The secretary and I were caught off-guard, both of us being on the phone with clients at the time, and tried to be as polite about it as we could, but paralegal #2 just kept getting hotter and hotter. Senile One finally herded her into his office and closed the door, where we could still hear her raised voice. By the time I left for the day, Senile One had somehow dragged himself up the stairs and was closeted with Junior Partner in his office. God only knows what went on and what we'll be walking into this morning.

This song -- which I have always adored -- seems wildly appropriate for today. Enjoy.

They Do, I Guess

2011-08-23T10:07:00.001-04:00

How many of you actually give a flying squat about the recent mega-bucks spectacle of the Kardashian made-for-TV nuptials? Let's see hands, please.

Um-hum, I thought that number I was thinking seemed about right.

On and On

2011-08-22T10:07:00.000-04:00

Time Off

2011-08-16T10:13:00.002-04:00

I am on vacation. Or hiatus. Maybe zombie-bitten -- 0r in an apathetic coma. Whatever. I'm just not here, not for a while.

See 'ya down the road a piece.

Which End Is Up?

2011-08-15T10:03:00.002-04:00

I didn't write this (it was one of those e-mail thingies), but I wish I had.

Have a good Monday!

The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors." The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics." No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds"... still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts"... no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" -- still no good. "Loons and Moons," forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones -- Odds and Ends." Everyone loved it.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-08-12T10:03:00.001-04:00

Your Shakespearean Name is Francisca Nerissa

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."

What's Your Shakespearean Name?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

TGIF! We've all earned a cool and relaxing weekend.

Twisted Linguistics

2011-08-10T10:03:00.002-04:00

Nobody would ever believe how yesterday went at my office, so I'm not even going to talk about it. Suffice it to say that it was a complete 3-ring circus. With sound effects.

What I'm going to talk about instead is the wayward words I've collected this week. Your task is to put them under the microscope, examine them six ways from Sunday, and tell me what they mean.

It is also your task to have a Helluva Happy Hump Day! I know I'm practically hyperventilating because my week is one day closer to over.

Your Words Gone Wild:

indirectely
a place to spent the night
sophistacated
evidentally
hygene
apprecicated
Oriential
reconcilliated
contradictionary
recepticle

Who Can Tell Me?

2011-08-08T10:03:00.000-04:00

When is it going to COOL OFF?

Now that the U.S. has a less than stellar credit rating, is the government going to stop supporting the rest of the world?

What is the appeal of reality TV?

When people ask impertinent questions that are none of their business, do they really expect answers?

How long before there's an app that breathes for us?

Is it childish to feel offended if your actual friends don't "friend" you on Facebook?

Are IMs fun or a nuisance?

When one is too old to shop the "Juniors" department?

The Friday Thingonmyblog

2011-08-05T10:07:00.001-04:00

I may be on the right career path, just plopped into the wrong niche. I mean, I write stuff every day. True, the judges and court clerks never turn it down, but it's pretty boring stuff. Sometimes it puts me to sleep in the middle of writing it. I need to clear my head, contort my parts into the lotus position, chant a little, and concentrate on figuring out how to write something the Pulitzer people would go gaga over. There's money in that, unlike the legal mumbo-jumbo junk.

And sheesh, with my luck quotient, I ought to be able to think up something prize-worthy. First, however, I need to spend some time studying my bosses. Writers make up stuff and, really, that's what these guys do as well. In fact, they're so good at making up crap that they don't stammer, they don't blush, they don't even have to pause to take a breath. Once I glom onto their secret, that Pulitzer will be mine. Don't you think?

TGIF!

Your Luck Quotient: 65%

You have a high luck quotient.

More often than not, you've felt very lucky in your life.

You may be randomly lucky, but it's probably more than that.

Optimistic and open minded, you take advantage of all the luck that comes your way.

How Lucky Are You?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!