Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sex in Dark Corners
Breaking News: Clothes lying around unsupervised in drawers are getting bored and reproducing! Am I the first to report this sordid development? Even if I'm not first, I know this to be a truism. It's happening. I have the evidence in my very own home.
I suddenly have more socks than I ever knew I had. I have more pairs of undies than I remember buying. Some of them are quite pretty, too, and I suspect them of lurking around dark drawers and seducing the old and dingy unmentionables. What pair of plain white panties with sagging elastic can resist the silky wiles of a high cut brief in siren pink or winsome black?
Bras are taking part in this undercover bacchanalia, too. I hope they don't think I haven't noticed the new additions, because I have -- especially that saucy underwire in a soft peach color that slinked unbidden into the fold. If they weren't doing what it takes to multiply, I wouldn't suddenly be needing two drawers for them. I know what's going on in those dark corners.
There are shirts in my closet that have to be the offspring of the older ones hanging out in the back. Sometimes I go in there looking for something to put on and feel like a kid at Christmas when I see a sparkly "new" shirt I don't recall seeing before. The same holds true for shoes. And pants and skirts and, yes, even dresses. They're all doing the nasty while they're home alone and don't think I don't know it.
I have my shopping diva moments, but this is above and beyond. I think I'd remember making hauls like these. This is like gifts from the closet and drawer gods and goddesses. It's almost like ... free stuff, so I guess I shouldn't complain about my clothes getting down and dirty under cover of darkness. I can't even give them the "safe sex" lecture since I'm benefiting from their wanton ways.