Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Sex in Dark Corners

Shoes And Boots

Breaking News: Clothes lying around unsupervised in drawers are getting bored and reproducing! Am I the first to report this sordid development? Even if I'm not first, I know this to be a truism. It's happening. I have the evidence in my very own home.

I suddenly have more socks than I ever knew I had. I have more pairs of undies than I remember buying. Some of them are quite pretty, too, and I suspect them of lurking around dark drawers and seducing the old and dingy unmentionables. What pair of plain white panties with sagging elastic can resist the silky wiles of a high cut brief in siren pink or winsome black?

Bras are taking part in this undercover bacchanalia, too. I hope they don't think I haven't noticed the new additions, because I have -- especially that saucy underwire in a soft peach color that slinked unbidden into the fold. If they weren't doing what it takes to multiply, I wouldn't suddenly be needing two drawers for them. I know what's going on in those dark corners.

There are shirts in my closet that have to be the offspring of the older ones hanging out in the back. Sometimes I go in there looking for something to put on and feel like a kid at Christmas when I see a sparkly "new" shirt I don't recall seeing before. The same holds true for shoes. And pants and skirts and, yes, even dresses. They're all doing the nasty while they're home alone and don't think I don't know it.

I have my shopping diva moments, but this is above and beyond. I think I'd remember making hauls like these. This is like gifts from the closet and drawer gods and goddesses. It's almost like ... free stuff, so I guess I shouldn't complain about my clothes getting down and dirty under cover of darkness. I can't even give them the "safe sex" lecture since I'm benefiting from their wanton ways.


G-Man said...

Maybe you should take a few lessons from your aforementioned unmentionables!!!
I'll hold your hand and walk you through it.
Talk about a cure for ennui eh?

puerileuwaite said...

I just remembered that I have outstanding work orders to rewire all of your ceiling fans.

Marion said...

I know what you mean, SJ. I went looking for some tee-shirts in my closet and found 8 black tee-shirts. I have 6 cats and I can't even wear black because of all the cat hair. How did this happen!? Must be that gnome I bought last year. He's been playing tricks on me. Do you have a gnome? Just wondering. LOL!

Serena said...

Well, I've already learned one lesson from my proliferating unmentionables, Mr. G -- I don't have to do laundry nearly as often.:)

Somebody needs to get on that, Pugsley. Women love ceiling fans and they'd just as soon not watch them burst into flame from old wiring.;)

I don't have a gnome, Marion, but dang it, I WANT one. I need a black tee-shirt, too, because I wore out the only one I had. And there are, alas, no black tees to be found lurking in my shadowy closet.:)