Monday, June 07, 2010

Ain't Computers Wonderful?

My AC is fixed but, after a storm last night, it was cool enough to not even need it. It's not going to get very hot today, either. Isn't that always the way?

Today's post is a Verbicidal Tendencies rerun from March 21,2007.

Have a great Monday!

Do you know how your computer works? Most people don't. I know mine works -- when it works. That's all I need to know. I couldn't tell you how it works. When it acts up, and it's something I can't fix on my own (which, thankfully, doesn't happen often), God save me from Tech Support. There have been times when I've had to hang up and call back two or three times just to get someone who could speak enough English to communicate on a basic level. On the other hand, Tech Support people have a tough job and they have war stories galore -- especially when a little something is lost in translation and there's a distinct failure to Communicate. These are some of them.

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one.

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet ... it's still on my desk. Sorry.

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.

Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.................thank you.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

Customer: My keyboard is not working any more.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleagues do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer : Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

And my personal favorite:

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P"... on your keyboard, Bob.


Marion said...

I'm glad it's cool where you are. I'm trying to recall how I used to lay out in the hot sun and tan year after year. It's too hot & humid here to even breathe outside! Yikes! And it's only June. Happy Monday. I hope yours goes well. Blessings!

G-Man said...

I've P'd on my computer before.

And it darned well learned it's lesson!

Serena said...

Gawd, I used to sunbathe, too, Marion. We must have been crazy! I wish I could send you some of the breezy coolness we've enjoyed here today.:)

I have P on my keyboard, too, Galen. Still seems to work okay, though.:P