Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Week's Best E-Mail

This one made me laugh this week. Chances are, it will amuse you, too.

Happy Hump Day!

LIQUOR WARNING

Of course, this does not apply to you and me, but you may want to pass this on to other people to warn them.

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
***WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, leaving you unable to account for large chunks of time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
***WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan
tpye reel gode.

And if you haven't heeded the above warnings, for the love of God heed this one -- don't let this happen to you!


8 comments:

puerileuwaite said...

Oh jeez. Thank heaven I've never done any of those things. That I recall.

Serena said...

Well, this is good news, Pugsley. If it wasn't you and it wasn't me, then we're okay.:)

NYD said...

Great. Now they think of putting warnings on the labels.
All I got was advice not to operate a motor vehicle or heavy machinery.

Serena said...

My dog gets that same warning on her medicine bottles, NYD. Like I'm really going to give her the keys to a bulldozer. I'm really disappointed that these labels have come out; I was thinking of taking up serious drinking.:-)

Mona said...

consumption of alcohol causes pregnancy? Now THAT is reason enough to abstain from drinking!

Will all that warnings fit on the label of a bottle?

Serena said...

I don't know if they'll fit or not, Mona. They may need to use bigger bottles. Which will only lead to more of these problems.:)

g-man said...

WARNING...
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to forget to comment on certain peoples posts, and blabber about like a blithering idiot!

Serena said...

I suppose that's true, although some people do the same thing stone-cold sober.:-)