Thursday, July 30, 2009

Bad Taste

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How is it possible to have a workload every bit as heavy as usual when the boss is laid up sick in bed? And why must I have that when it's been hot as hell and the humidity has been hovering at 100%? Why does everybody keep asking for rate increases when they know nobody has any money? Why can't the Obamas vacation at a Holiday Inn instead of a multi-million dollar estate? Where the hell is my stimulus? I am cranky. I admit it. And I double-dog dare anyone to say anything about it. I want junk food, and I want the kind laden with flavor and bountiful pizazz and billions of calories. And prudent bystanders will very kindly not comment on that, either. Not that I couldn't withstand the onslaught of a few calories. I weighed 112 this morning. Still, I usually -- usually being the buzz word here -- try to avoid the direct application of marauding calories and fat to my butt and thighs. Right now, I don't care if I balloon up to 6,000 pounds. And I know you darling people would be too polite to mention it. I want high-fat junk food, and I mean to have it before sundown. I'm on a quest for obscenely rich treats that taste rot-your-teeth-out good, and there will be nothing low-fat in my shopping cart.

You know, I've come to hate the word "delicious." When you see it used as an advertising adjective, you can bet it tastes anything but. Everything from diet soda to rotgut whiskey to cardboard breakfast bars to pork butt is billed as freaking delicious. Even people are calling themselves delicious these days, and not just the Hollywood pop tarts. Why can't Madison Avenue tell the truth? Sugar-free desserts aren't all that delicious; they leave a chemical after-taste. Light beer isn't delicious; tastes more like watered down shellac. Fat-free half-and-half tastes like butterfly puke. Teensy little fat-free candy bars the size of postage stamps are wanting in the deliciousness department, unless maybe you eat them ten at a time. And as for the people, would it kill the gossip rags to call a skank a skank? Apparently! Parislicious? Lindsaylicious? Diddylicious? Puh-leeze. Give me a breakalicious.

A bibliophile might find these Words Gone Wild blasfomylicious -- but I wouldn't hold my breath. If you want to define them, be my guest. Personally, I think you might be better off shunning them. They are a sorry lot. I'm considering sperding them fiolently into couffins for a little intertainment.


premoting
intertainment
miget
good ridence
couffins
charaties
sperding
sepeeratisim
dezervez
fiolently

11 comments:

Skunkfeathers said...

premoting: a preview of how it might be

intertainment: installing a glass view port so you can watch your digestive processes

miget: tug of war between two midgets over a jet ski

good ridence: not a wise thing to say after consummating a date

couffins: related sharks swimming in tandem

charaties: Eric Cartman's favored charaty...himself

sperding: a leaky artery

sepeeratism: two peers parting ways

dezervez: French meaning "le got jest vhat iz dezervez, eh mon amie?"

fiolently: a rendition of Foggy Mountain Breakdown that wrecks the stage

Serena said...

Brilliant dissection -- nay, vivisection -- of some very tough faux words, my dear Skunk. When I take over the world, you'll be the Stupid-Word Surgeon General in my cabinet.:)

G-Man said...

I think that I've seen that bald guy Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel eat Butterfly Puke.
He said that it tastes like Chicken!
Sorry Shere...Too tired to blasfomy.

Lighten up, your head'l EXPLODE!!!

Serena said...

Galen, why is it that every hideously creepy thing is said to "taste like chicken?" Don't worry about my head; it's already exploded. I just picked up all the icky junk and stuffed it back in.

Serena said...

TGIF.

dons_mind said...

i sure hope you got your junk food fix serena!!! those were craving words if i've ever read craving words!!

enjoy the weekend! next week is a fresh set of days! no carry-overs allowed!

Serena said...

I've practically eaten myself into a sugar coma, Don, but I can't say I feel that much better. Maybe the heebie-jeebies won't carry over into next week. Maybe!:)

G-Man said...

Yeah...Maybe.!!





(..I got yur clunkerlicious)

Serena said...

Well, of course you did, Galen. And ... maybe not. You just never know.:)

/t. said...

well,
bad toast...

or not...

TGIF SERENA JOY!!!
&
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!

¤ ¤ ¤

<3

Serena said...

And a fine weekend to you as well, /t.:)<3