Full Moon Alchemy

Strange things are apt to happen under a full moon. People tend to be more excitable, more flaky, more just plain nuts when the moon is full. That's not an exaggeration. There's scientific data to back up the age-old claim that people get crazier when the moon's full. It's not just old wives' tales after all.

I know one thing. I had to bite my tongue at work all day to keep from asking some of the clients if they were truly effin' insane. I get that urge often; under a full moon, it's harder than usual to resist it.

Shopping for groceries after work -- ugh. The aisles were full of Moon Mad people. Not moi, of course. It was their own fault if I had visions of moving some of them out of my way with my cart.

I bought some of those overpriced cookies that are supposed to be healthier. I get them home and I want one. Or half a box. I need a sugar fix. Now. And ... I can't get the damned inner lining open. I don't know what they make that stuff out of. I think it's a laboratory duplication of that same material they found in Roswell in 1948. I had to attack it with the scissors to get at the cookies. I got them, of course. I always win, one way or another -- especially when there are sweets at stake.

There's this cleaning product I'd seen advertised on TV that looked pretty darned magical. I wanted that -- bad -- because I need all the cleaning magic I can get, so I picked up a bottle week before last. It comes in a spray bottle, with a page-long label on the back which includes ridiculously convoluted instructions on how to get the nozzle into the proper position to function. I followed the instructions to the letter. No dice. I held in the lever as directed and tried twisting it the other way, just in case the label writer was dyslexic. Still nothing. I tried clockwise, and counter-clockwise. Absolutely nada. That bottle wasn't coming open. Before resorting to putting on my ruby slippers and taking the chainsaw to it, I tried standing on the lever and using pliers to yank the nozzle into place. Yes! It squirted. Everywhere. By then, of course, I was too tired to clean.

I'm only telling you all this because I suspect I'm not the only one who has trouble with both Lunar Fever and an inability to open consumer products. That's pretty personal information, I suppose, but probably not something that's going to come back to bite me in the ass. Been there, done that. Be very cautious with what you reveal about yourself and never bare your soul (or anything else for that matter) on the Internet -- especially when the moon is full. You're not crazy, but "They" are.