Wednesday, August 02, 2006


I got this in one of those ubiquitous e-mails that make the rounds for laughs. And it served its purpose -- it made me laugh. It also made me very glad that I don't work in Tech Support. I imagine that Tech Support people deal with scenarios like this one -- and worse -- every day. I don't know how they keep their cool.

The timing on this was great. The heat has turned my brain to mush, so much so that I wasn't going to write anything today. I'll just pass this along and skate on that. I'm giving the Word Molesters a free pass today, too. Whatever they screwed up, I'm sure it was because their brains were fried.


Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: OK.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer: Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.
Tech Support: OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?
Customer: Wow. How can you see my screen from there?
Caller: I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now we know why they record these conversations!)
Operator: Computer Assistance; may I help you?
Caller: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.
Operator: What sort of trouble?
Caller: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. Operator:Went away?
Caller: They disappeared.
Operator: Hmm So what does your screen look like now?
Caller: Nothing.
Operator: Nothing?
Caller: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
Operator: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Caller: How do I tell?
Operator: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
Caller: What's a sea-prompt?
Operator: Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?
Caller: There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Caller: What's a monitor?
Operator: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
Caller: I don't know.
Operator: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Caller: Yes, I think so.
Operator: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: Yes, it is.
Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Caller: No.
Operator: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Caller: Okay, here it is.
Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Caller: I can't reach.
Operator: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
Caller: No.
Operator: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Caller: Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.
Operator: Dark?
Caller: Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: Well, turn on the office light then.
Caller: I can't.
Operator: No? Why not?
Caller: Because there's a power failure.
Operator: A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
Caller: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Operator: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Caller: Really? Is it that bad?
Operator: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Operator: Tell them you're too f*%ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!

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