Friday, August 11, 2006

The Friday Night Fights

What happens when Little Bunny FooFoo crosses paths with Broadzilla? Poor bunny's going to get stomped, that's what. I happen to like bunnies, so perhaps I should change his name to Little Stupid Woozy Wombat before proceeding. Yeah, that's better.

I used to know Wombat. At least, I thought I did. Wombat apparently had a complete psychotic break from reality, stabbed me and all the rest of his friends in the back, and went off to court Broadzilla's good graces (not that she has any graces). Freaked everybody out, I assure you, since Wombat used to badmouth Broadzilla at every opportunity. So, okay, that's ancient history. Everybody's minding their own business, keeping an eye on the Gruesome Twosome, fervently hoping to see one of them draw blood from the other eventually, but otherwise paying them little mind.

And then today Wonky Woozy Wombat decided for some unknown reason to e-mail me. I'm sure the invitation to join up with him and Broadzilla was pure snark -- which is, of course, precisely what he got back.

Broadzilla wanted Wombat on the team for one reason, and one reason only: Wombat had information Broadzilla wanted to exploit for her own self-aggrandizement. Once the information is exhausted and nobody gives a shit any more, Broadzilla will smash Wombat into the dust and throw him out like yesterday's kitty litter -- like everyone else she crosses paths with. Ha! Can't happen too soon to suit me. Stupid, sorry Wombat should have known better.

Moral to Woozy Wombats everywhere: Never fuck with somebody smarter than you. You can't win, you won't win, and everybody you screwed is waiting patiently for you with cyber-swords and pitchforks.

La mort aux wombats en arrière-poignardants deux-faits face!


kanrei said...

I have no idea what happened, but I loved the tale. I assume it was overall bad to go through, but the way you told it made me grin ear to ear. So cute and like a childbook with really nasty vibe. Loved every word.

Serena Joy said...

In the immortal words of Elvis, thank you -- thank you very much. I can go from 0 to Bitch Mode within 5 seconds of receiving snark mail. Wombats of the world, look out. (insert evil grin)