Thursday, July 13, 2006

Just Say No!

The SWAT v. Outlaw siege ended peaceably last night. Good outcome. Not, perhaps, for the guy now jailed, but at least nobody died.

Now, if only we could find a peaceful resolution for all these Words Gone Wild...

Where, you ask, do they come from? The short answer is, everywhere. They're found everywhere from loitering in query letters/synopses posted online to stalking message board posts to terrorizing Website text.

Some of these poseur words are guilty of identity theft, which the real words find horribly embarrassing. Others have committed aggravated battery of prose, robbery of vowels, punctuation mayhem, malicious mischief, apostrophe abuse, the rape of commas. You name it. Shoot, one was even caught taking indecent liberties with a corpse.

All we can do is continue to round them up where we find them, get them off the streets, haul them into Linguistics Court, and throw the book at them.

entertainer lawyer -- Well, geez, aren't all lawyers entertainers? Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk.

testomonies -- Wailing testosterone.

royality checks -- Crown, check. Scepter, check. Courtiers, check. Throne, check. Yep, it's all royal and good to go.

ressuruect -- Blibbidy-urgh-oooog-oggeldy.

awefully glad -- Wow, such enthusiasm! I'm in awe.

its to stressful -- Stressful being a town in Lower Inner Mongolia to which something or other, after the addition of an apostrophe, is being sent?

Awe, thanks -- Yes, and I'll have some of that awe, too, please.

it come out -- Did it, now?

that proofs it -- Who proofed it? Can you prove it?

confidentially of the records -- Um ... right. I think I'd stick a 'Confidentiality' label on that and keep it hush-hush. And send it through D.A.R.E.

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