Saturday, July 01, 2006

Gonna Have To Face It, I'm Addicted To Words

Almost as much as grave-robbing, cemetery graffiti, crack houses, and Black Masses, I am disturbed by ... word desecration. Some of the worst offenders I see are self-proclaimed "writing gurus." That's right. They set themselves up as experts in all areas of writing, open Web sites, and dispense advice as though they actually knew what they were talking about.

One of them actually wrote, "Life begins at the moment of contraception." Another wrote, "He was probubly devistated." I ask you, what is that?! It is a constant source of puzzlement to me how such masters of malapropism and the frankly illiterate manage to con their followers the way they do. Clearly, the followers are as guilty of word desecration as their leaders, which is a sad, sad commentary if you ask me. Which you did not, but I'm telling you anyway.

I think some interventions are in order, with involuntary commitment to Word Rehab for the worst offenders. Am I picky? Of course, I am. Anyone who calls him/herself a writer should be. Is it wrong to declare war on the faux literati? I don't think so. In fact, I'm stocking up on ammunition. I'm also toying with the idea of setting up a social program to distribute free dictionaries to the quasi-literate. Not because I'm particularly altruistic; I'm simply fed up with the pandemic of word desecration.

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