Miss Begotten is one of my pet names for myself, for Southern Gothic reasons best kept to myself. Miss Begotten tries to speak plainly, but sometimes she tends to babble -- parenthetically, of course. It's never my intention to offend (and usually that's true - except on those [maybe not so] rare occasions when I mean it very friggin' much) but it sometimes happens, so if you're unusually easily offended...
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Truth or Bop
Miss doesn't admit this to a lot of people, but she has a special Interrogation Chair. She uses it on the hard cases -- people who won't otherwise give up the skinny that Miss wants to know. Today, she has in the chair the head honcho of a certain author mill from whom she wants to know simply, "Why?!"
Miss: Why do you keep on signing up droves of naive people who for some unknown reason think they're writers?
Honcho: Because we can.
Miss: How can you get away with paying them $1.00 advances and shorting them on royalties?
Honcho: Because we can.
Miss: I want the answer to this question. Answer it wrong, and you're getting hit in the head with the spell-check. How many submissions do your employees actually read?
Honcho: Neener-neener-neener.
(Bop!)
Honcho: Ouch!
Miss: I warned you. Next question -- what are you putting in the Kool-Aid?
Honcho: I don't care for your tone.
(Bam!)
Honcho: Ouch! Was that a cattle prod?
Miss: Want me to try it again and see if you can figure it out?
Honcho: No! And you will apologize immediately.
(Bash!)
Honcho: Yowwwwwwwww!
Miss: Such drama. I'd like for you to go sign some release letters and then we'll pick this up again.
Honcho: You are banned.
Miss: Ooooo, now I'm scared.
(Bang!)
Honcho: Owwwweeeeeeee!
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